Red vs Blue : Mirage

Exploring Our Differences

Tucker: I'mma go, man.

Crunchbite: Huuuuur!

Andy: Hey lady! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over.

Church: You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them Tex.

Rayner: Hyeah, I was sure you'd jump at the opportunity to go with them.

Tex: Why? Quests are dangerous.

Church: Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end, you know, like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art. It's not really like you to pass up on something like that, Tex. ...Tex? ... She's gone, isn't she. ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming.

Rayner: Well at least now they're gonna be a little bit safer with her tailing behind.

Church: You sure you don't want to go with them Rayner?

Rayner: Nah, now that Tex is gone there has to be someone to take care of you.

Church: I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself just fine.

Rayner: Yeah, but if you get shot at by an enemy you're gonna need someone that can actually shoot back.

Church: Hey up yours, jackass! My aim is fine.

Rayner: Ahahaha!

Cut to Sarge scoping Simmons walking Grif to Blue Base through the sniper rifle's scope

Sarge: Well, this is a tough one. Simmons appears to have captured Grif. Which means we're down a man. And now that man has taken Grif prisoner. So does that make us even? What's one plus a turd? Dammit, only Grif can screw up math!

Cut to Simmons walking Grif down the ramp into Blue Base

Simmons: Hurry up Grif.

Grif: You know Simmons, you don't make a very good hostage-taker. My last prisoner experience was much cooler.

Simmons: What?

Grif: You haven't even yelled at me one time.

Simmons: You're doing everything right. I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. (tersely) Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!

Grif: Come on, Simmons, I'm a prisoner. You should be jabbing me in the back with your gun and saying “get moving scum!”

Simmons: (jabs him in the back with his gun) Get going!

Grif: Louder!

Simmons: (jabs him again) I said move!

Grif: Yeaheaheah, that's it!

Simmons: (jabs him again) Move it soldier!

Grif: Okay, seriously? That hurts.

They arrive in the middle of the base

Grif: Man, these guys really like blue lights. I mean, I know this is Blue Base and all but come on, you don't have to beat us over the head with it.

Simmons: Get in the hole.

Grif: You have a hole? Whoa, now that's cool. I take back everything I said, this is much creepier than my last time in the joint.

Simmons: (hits him) Move!

Grif: Dude, if you keep doin' that, this is gonna get old quick.

Simmons: I said in the hole! (hits him and he falls in the hole)

Grif: Ow!

Simmons: Who's the bad hostage-taker now, bitch?!

Grif: (materializing behind him) Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole.

Simmons: What? Get back in there! (hits him)

Grif falls down the hole, then is propelled back up through another hole behind Simmons.

Grif: Woohoo! Look who's back.

Simmons: God this sucks.

Grif: Seriously dude, you have to try the hole. It's really fun.

Simmons: Ugh, what're you doing? Get back down in there. (hits him)

Grif: Wheee! Look I came out backwards this time!

Simmons: You're supposed to s- you're the prisoner, stay down there!