relying on love -Tom Kaulitz

snowflake.

After while the front door bell rang, I heard it open and a greating between my father and another man. He then called me down, at leaving my room and glancing down the stairs my body, having no idea how to react, just freezes in place. It was stan, I hadn't spoken to him since I left. He was my best friend, he looked up at me with piercing eyes. A mix of emotion ran through my mind as he stepped into my home "you never told me you were back.." he spoke in a calm voice, he didn't remove his coat as he spoke again "would you like to go for a walk?" and as I was about to refuse my father replied for me.

"amazing idea stan, Jen come and get your coat on." I sighed, I didn't bother protesting as it would just cause arguments. So I walked down the stairs as stan shook my father's hand. I got my fluffy coat on and we left, stan walked by my side, we weren't in silance for long as he spoke

"how was Germany.." Stan never liked awkward silances. And before I would fill them with endless small talk but I just didn't have the energy anymore. I thought for awhile. "it was ok, anything happen here" I felt breathless as the cold air flew past my face. "no, nothing interesting." He turned to look at me, I didn't do the same to him. Keeping my head down and my hands away, I could feel his energy, his regret and sadness radiating largely around him.

Stan wasn't much taller than me, he had short brown hair, usually slicked back as it was today. He didn't have much of a style, usually went with whatever was popular at the time. His eyes were a deep green, a nice gold at times.. And his smile was truly memorising, when it was his true one at least, I could always tell. Reading him was so easy, he could say the same about me.. His smile causing dimples on either side of his mouth to dip in, he never liked them. And I could never see why, the air was thin and energy tence. Stan stopped, causing me to stop with him and turn, finally looking into his lost eyes.

"Jen, before you left, I just.." I stopped his words with mine, I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I had already thought about it. "I forgive you Stan. No need to go over it again.." and with that I kept walking, making it to a cafe where we both sat and spoke, I didn't tell him about what really happened In Germany, but I could tell he knew I was lieing. He just knew me too well.. My phone kept buzzing in my pocket, I tried to ignore it. Putting it on silant, hoping Stan would ignore it. And although he didn't mention it, he did notice.

"stan, I feel like I'm going crazy." I blurted out while he was half way through speaking, he gave me a confused glance and a weird smile, he assumed I was joking. "what makes you say that?" his voice was anything but serious, it irritated me but I don't blame him. "while I was in Germany, well it wasn't all perfect.." I wasn't about to tell him I killed anyone... But. I just needed someone's opinion. "I know, you were explaining your trip there like some kind of dream you half remembered" my heart darkened as I did remember. I sighed continuing my ranting.

"I met someone. He hurt me, although he didn't want to or mean to, and I left. He wants to talk to me again, he wants to explain something. But he changed me so much in such a short period of time.. He ruined everything, he made everything better. And then he'd ruin it again, I was questioning everything when I was with him. But being away from him made everything so nerve racking." Stan glared at me, trying to take in the small load of information that he got. But he mearly responded with the useless advice of "sounds like a toxic relationship Jen. It's good you left, he sounds like he'd hurt you again, on purpose or not." he didn't understand, I knew he wouldn't. But I had to say something to someone. Even if it didn't help... Then he offered something

"I have a therapist I could bring you too, I'll pay. If this guy effected you that much that is." I have him an annoyed look which he didn't understand, but I changed the subject, I didn't need a therapist. I needed Tom. I drained Stans voice out, looking out the window, yet again studying the slowly falling snow on the other side of the window, falling and joining the rest on the cold ground, piling up as time went on every individual snow flake going its own way, on its own path. Just to end the same as every other floating and falling along with them.

Stan realised I wasn't paying attention and stood up, taking his bag and I followed. "let's go back, you seem tired." at least he got the hint. The walk back felt time miles. Everyone passing me, they're all there own individual snowflakes, going there own way. I wonder what path they're taking that's so different to mine. If the wind will push them to fall and land to melt first, getting home left me exhausted as Stan said his hello's and goodbye's. But I didn't stick around for that, going right back to my bedroom where the day had begun. Grabbing my phone out of my pocket as I collapsed on the bed that soothed me in my most vulnerable depth of sleep. Finding Tom's number and calling it regretfully.

It rang, the ringing lasting longer each time, was he not going to pickup after all that effort. Was he over me. Was I too late, just as I was about to hang up, the ringing stopped. Being replaced by a raspy deep voice that left a ringing in my heart "hallo..?" they asked. I sighed, "Tom..." I whispered, hearing him instantly get up, he had obviously fallen asleep, so early in the day.. I could hear his heartbeat grow from over the phone as mine sinked in beat. "Jen?!" his voice still grasping on to itself after being silant for as long as he slept my smile grew as my mind clouded, his voice dangerously attractive. "I.." I thought. "I want an explanation." I heard him chuckle imavenig the stupid smirk he would have. "I could ask the same."

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