relying on love -Tom Kaulitz

eleanor.

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His body was pressed against mine, I had stopped resisting but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to be responsive for him. I felt devistated at my lame excuse of an escape. Why did I freak out like that it ruined everything.. He ran his hand over his cheak looking down at the wrip in my dress, the slit that had originally stopped at just my knee now cut long up to my upper thigh, my coat a mess and my hair dangling down my face the clip nowhere to be seen "you look like scum." he spar, I showed no response. "you've got some nurve trying to run from me, maybe Tom and Bill where right afterall. Maybe that's why they wanted to fuck you off to me, so they didn't have to deal with your embarrassing bull shit anymore." his words got to me, stuck in my head like lyrics of a song. And his hands finishing what they had already started in the bar, this time starting at my breasts, edging down my curves to my outer thighs as he rested his head against my neck, every breath that hit me making me feel insane by seconds.

"Please my love.. tell me. Why did you have to run from me." his breaths became more rapid as my body became numb, completely disensortised from the strong burst of feelings I just had.. "fuck you.." was the only thing I wanted to say, because rightfully so, fuck him for kidnapping me. Fuck him for what he's about to do to me. And fuck him for making me feel empty, thinking those things, this man was no different to Tom. Just wealthier. That's irony at its finest, maybe all women are the same. But they're better then men, I didn't feel. His hands anymore, they were still on me, groping me and feeling me. But I didn't feel them, the sence of knives stabbing everywhere he touched was gone too, i wanted It to be over but that never seemed to come as he took his time, kissing me and making sure to pleasure himself in anyway he could with me. Then came the worst of it, the numbness disappeared as he shoved his cock inside of me, I hadn't even felt him take my underwear off, tears formed in the corner of my eyes. I thought of Eleanor, why would she volunteer to be this man's maid. To help the man that was raping me, that had probably done this to loads of other girls too.. His he brake her as he was trying to brake me. In the bar...as I was staring at the ground, I felt I understood Eleanor like no one else could, my empty mind identical to hers. As Mathieu rapidly thrusted into me, groaning and huffing he couldn't help but groan my name into my ear. I felt sick to my stomach, but I felt nothing, he didn't moan Jen. Or Jeneane, he said Eleanor... He said her name.

I never thought I'd be back in this state, questioning my sanity, but yet I was.. That maid that had whispered into his ear, she had left the room. She hadn't came back in, but I sware I saw someone standing across the room. Was I even with anyone in the changing room, or is this what Mathieu wanted, he wanted me to forget myself, to become submissive. His maid, was that a warning to myself. Eleanor.. She knew my full name. I was having a conversation with myself. Was I insane.. Had I gone crazy.

Mathieu had finished, grinning wildly as held my face in his hand my arms dead beside me, I looked around the back seat, Mathieu was busy admiring me, my shoes were on the floor. My shoes, I had put a pocket knife in the soul of it. But I couldnt reach it, I couldn't get to it I couldn't... I couldn't escape, I looked back up to Mathieu, his face, that smug smile. My head shook as every touch that had became numb came flooding back to my senses as I jumped up, smashing my lips against his kissing him passionately, he seemed ataken back by this, but obviously enjoyed it. I reached down for my shoe that he had thrown off, fuck it's too far, please fuck please. I can't do this shit please. I got it, I picked up the shoe, trying to use one hand to take out the soul using my other, running it down his chest to try distract him. I wasn't panicking, my heart wasn't racing. I felt nothing, my humanity was drained of me. My empathy no longer clinging onto me as I picked up the pocket knife, his touches feeling like poison burning against my skin.

I felt crazy, my heart was completely empty yet it hurt with such a burning passion, every breath crushed my bones. He stopped kissing me as he looked into my teary eyes, having no clue of the knife right behind his back. "I knew you'd want me." he said with that same snug smile, then all the pain went away. The buzzing in my head disappeared and the pain in my chest was gone. I didn't feel bad about what I was going to do to him. He was lucky it was going to be fast, I looked at him, staring into his hungry eyes. "Why did you call me Eleanor.." I asked him quietly.. It made me felt crazy. "because your name is ugly hun, you're mine. So I can call you whatever I want." I gave no reaction "like a pet?" I asked again, I wanted answers but I didn't want them from him. I didn't want him near me any longer, he didn't reply, he just lent in to kiss me..

I swiftly dug the knife into his back, out, in, out, in. I didn't want to stop, the urge was growing remembering the toxicity of his hands over me. His lips against mine, I didn't feel bad, I didn't even cry. He did, he cried and yelled and whept till there was nothing left for him to say, he was unconscious. I kept going nothing going through my head.. Was I really murdering someone right now. For the second time. Taking a useless man's life. Why was this so easy, what did Tom make of me..

He was dead. Blood splattered over the back seat where he was laying, blood all over my dress and coat as I sat in the front seat, the car was off. I was thinking, what now. If I'm free what do I do now. I felt watched, the feeling of someone's eyes trialing my every move hovered in my mind. Was it Tom, was he here. Watching me. Yet, even for Tom. There was nothing in my heart he had ruined me. Every ounce of humanity had left after he made me hurt Sophie, ruined her like with Mathuei. Kill kit. And sell m, causing this.

I once wanted to give Tom everything.. All my love. To love him like he was my other half, I would've stood on the egde for him, I never knew he'd push me off it. The buzzing was back. It curled around my head like a tune that was just about off pitched. Scraping against my skull. I turned the car on and began driving, I didnt care where I was going I just went. I needed to sort everything out.. I needed to know I wasn't crazy, but how. How would I know that, who would I go to. No one knows me no one understands me.. People must understand me, I just dont want anyone to.

As I always do, I went to Tom. I had memorised the drive to his house. I drove there. Pulling up unexpectedly caused the boys to rush outside, including tom. They knew this car. They were scared. I opened the door and jumped out, his blood still splattered all over my white dress. I made eye contact with Tom. His eyes not full of lust, his face not smug. But caring, worried. Glad.. He brought my humanity back as I broke down, crying heavily Tom ran up beside me. Now seeing the dead body in the car his face turned serious in a matter of seconds

He looked over to the boys nudging his head towards the car, Bill looked inside, he looked horrified but I didn't pay any attention, I just sobbed into Tom's arm.. His strong protective arms.. My head berried into hid chest, his soft breath not irritating my skin but soothing it. The deviating touch that once came from Mathuei being melted off with every second of Tom holding me. I was only broken, crazy and delirious when I wasn't with Tom.. He wasnt the one that drove me mad, I already was. He kept me sane.

He took me inside as I continued to sob loud as he sat me down in the living room "Jen... What happened. I really am sorry about making you go to him Jen.. Please-" I cut him off when I jumped into his arms, his voice calmed the buzzing in my head, his precance warmed my heart. "Tom.. I forgive you. Please, can I just rest." and with that he lifted me up, bringing me upstairs and laying me on his bed, but he didn't leave, he got right there in with me. "this dress.. It's.. Should I bring you a chnsge of cloths.?" he asked softly, his care and nurturing dried my eyes. I took the dress off and slumped into the bed, laying down, he joined, wrapping his arms around me hesitantly. But I continued, moving his hands around my waist and resting my head on his chest, his body was so warm.. For once I wished never to leave. But that feeling of emptiness hadn't left. It was still very apparent. I wished and wished it to leave. But it just never did..

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😴😴4:32am