relying on love -Tom Kaulitz

huxley.

...
Walking back into the house I was so excited to get away from. I felt trapped, was I always destine to be stuck here. The walls were a dark oak, matching the long staircase trailing up the right of the narrow corridor laced with paintings from all over the world, set on the wall in a sertan order. I sighed, remembering every memory that I held captive inside this house. The family helper took my coat and belongings, her name was Noana, she was older than I remembered her to be.. And was the mother too Harson who was only temporarily working for my father an till he finds an alternative.

"Noa, I'll take them. Please" I gave her a small smile as she gave one back, passing my bags back, and placing my coat on the hanger close to the door. "I'll put on some supper, anything in particular?" she sounded frail, her voice slowly losing itself. "anything really, not a lot thank you" I then gave her a small hug making my way up the stairs, showing me to 4 white decaying doors, the one on my right was my father's home office. When I was a child I was angry at him, he doesn't even use the room. And it's much bigger than mine, how selfish of me. I rolled my eyes walking to the door on the other side to my left, my room.

Unlike many others, coming home from college there room just how they left it, mine was not. All the stuff I had not taken with me was most likely in the attic or just chucked. My bed had plain white sheets, looking like some kind of hospital bed. I threw my stuff down and sat on my chair, facing a desk with a mirror, I glared at myself, my face looked disorientated, like I wasn't me anymore. I was staring at a stranger, I was not the person I was when I left.

I put all of my things out, making my room feel more home-like again. But it just wasn't right, the room wasn't mine anymore. There was a knock on my door, it was probably Noana to tell me the food was ready, but as I opened my door it was Harson. He stood with flowers bowing in a comical way, just about causing a chuckle "For you ma'am" he said throwing them on my bed as he walked in. Me and Harson had known each other for awhile. We weren't too close but I had hung out with him when he had to stay over if Noana was staying late. "why thank you dearly" I said rolling my eyes and sitting back down at my desk, resting my head in my hands as Harson walked over leaning against the corner of the table. "What's up Jenie? Germany not a good fit" he said smiling but that smile slowly disappeared "Germany was an..experience" I rested my eyes, although I wasn't tired..

"well, foods ready. Your parents are downstairs waiting for you. Love to hear about Germany later, yeah?" he got up walking to the door and across into my father's office, It was basically his. Making sue no one else went in there was more of his job than anything else, I thought so at least. I postponed my standing up, not wanting to see anyone at the moment. But I had too, the sacrifice of coming back.

I made my way downstairs, and into the dining room. It was only a small table, enough to fit about 6, used to be bigger. Back when my mother had loads of party's. I sat at the table, making eye contact with my parents as Noana brings in the food. "Hello mother, father." I speak politely, it was how I was raised. If that's what you'd call it. "You're getting awfully skinny.. Noana! Put more on her plate." my mother instantly commented, causing Noana it add more. "yes. I didn't eat much on my trip away." my father looked at me "And how was it." he didn't care. "it went well, a lot of business opportunities, but none of them called to me. I was thinking, maybe Japan next." the most of a reaction I got out of my father with that was a growl and a dirty look. Famously meant 'do whatever. Just don't waist anymore of my time or money.'

"oh i hear Japanese is great!" my mother spoke, causing a distressed look on my fathers face. The room was closing in, the air got tighter. They knew something.. "Jeneane, your cousin. Kit, you had seen him. Yes?" chills went over my body as I thought of what to say "yes, he drove me to the hotel. After that I only saw him once." I lied, I wasn't about to tell them what he really did to me. Or I'd have to tell them the outcome.. My father chuckled "seems like him, see you twice then bugger off. Prick he is, bet he didn't even bother" my mother cut him off "oh now hunny, kit is a very busy man, he's still building his life up remember." they spoke so kindly of him.. They mustn't have known what he was really like. "Jeneane, I was thinking you go to France, it is very good for tourists. A lot of money could come in if you mix yourself with the right people." I seemed to be a magnet for the complete opposite. "do you remember are first time in France" my father jestured to my mother, she looked uncomfortable. Not only uncomfortable but disgusted... "yes hunny.. How could I forget" she said with the world most unrealistic smile. But he couldn't tell, he was busy in his one mind.

I swallowed a lump down my throat of all the words I wanted, I could've said right now. Dad stop, she's obviously uncomfortable. But I hadn't the power to argue. He continued to bring up that 'first time in France.' and I finally spoke up, my voice quivering "Father.. I. Uh," I wanted to change the subject. "well, get out with it" he said, rudely, not wanting to get interrupted "may I, be excused.." he nodded with a roll to his eyes. I quickly flood from my chair going back up to my room, I still hadn't unpacked my cloths. I had nothing else to do, so I got right too it.. Everything was going smoothly till I found one of Tom's shirts in my bag.. I must've taken it. A peace of paper fell from inside it. Inside it read,

Jen,
You're back home now, unpacking or I don't know maybe you're not even home yet. Please don't be mad at me for writing this, or for what you're about to read. I'm writing this, your in my bed asleep, I know you're going to leave us. We have sorted out everything so no one will ever find out, not even that you knew us. Or about kit or Mathieu or anyone. Everyone but your father. Because the truth is, he had hired me. To keep an eye on you while you weren't home. But I hadn't known your father's importance at the time, giving the job to kit. Who had also worked for me, as a hitman. I didn't know you two were even related and he didn't bother to mention it when I gave him the job, but the truth is. The second I saw you I regretting not taking the job. I wanted it, I wanted to look after you, so I did more research, realising the mistake I had made by putting your life in the hands of another. Kit was a jealous, greedy man. He wanted what your father had, this may be hard to read but you are they key to that. To your fathers fortune. To his power, I did a bad job in protecting you, I fell in love. There are probably people after you, I know that sounds probably terrible and scary but you'll be fine. Believe me I won't let anything happen to you no matter how far away I am to you sweetheart. I'm going to miss you Jen.. But I know you have important people waiting for you back home, like the picture of that guy you had brought along with you. I always wondered who that was. I guess I'll never find out, antill I find a way to you again
Call me, please. -> xxx,xxx,xxx,xx
-Tom xux

I felt tears form in the corner of my eyes, this time not being able to hold them back, what did he mean. Was this some sick joke, people after me!? Kit fucking worked for him!? I shoved the card and the shirt in a draw. I didn't want to think about that.. I didn't need the stress. But.. Maybe if I call him, he can explain it better. Shit no. I'm done with that, done with Tom. Another knock on my door, "Please, leave me alone" I yelled back, tears running down my face. I didnt want company right now especially no one from my family. "It's your father Jeaneane. Someone is coming over tomorrow, they're coming to hire you. Just be ready." he yelled from the other side of the door, I heard him walking away and his bedroom door opening, then closing.

I collapsed to the side of my bed, I put my head in my knees, my head was blank. My heart empty. This wasn't the change I wanted, I didn't want to be here in this house. I want to run away.. But I already tired that. I spent what, 3 months in Germany. And so much of that was horrible, torture and sleeping through days, just to meet myself with yet another horrible week. My room was warm, but dark. I began to cry again, I felt stuck. Was this it, just constant failure. Never to proceed in life because everything just leads me back to this dreadful place. I felt so alone in a house full of people.

I walked over to the draw u had shoved the shirt and letter in. Picking up the shirt and sliding it on, taking in the strong sent I was so used to when I was with him.. Taking one more glance at the letter, my eyes meeting his number that he left me. I shouldn't go back to him, he was distractive. I had left because of him, I cant crawl back. But I missed him, I couldn't be without him, what did he mean by antill I find a way to you again.. Was he going to follow me?.

Half of me wanting him to say far away from me. But my life was already as shit as it can be, maybe if he comes to me it won't be as bad, what kind of dumbass logic is that. I put the card down, walking over to my bed and collapsing in it. Tomorrow I am to get a job and move on from all this drama and Tom. I have no need to call him, and he has no need to follow me. Even so, the thought that people might be hunting me down for my father fortune. It honestly scared the shit out of me.

I cuddled up in my covers, wrapping myself over them, imagening Tom's arms wrapped around me one more time.. I'd find another im sure of it.. But how do I know who to trust. I couldn't sleep, I layed awake, still breathing in the aroma of Tom's shirt. I had all these questions, yet no answers.. I then got a message, a buzz of my phone, I reached over to grab it. I mostly expected it to be Tom, but it wasn't. It was the one number I didn't want to see.

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Killing myself over my own story guys 😧