Lily Bronzes POV:
'Lil hurry up! We're going to be late' i hear Keira shout from downstairs, worried about the time as per usual. '2 secs!' I call back, hurriedly putting my shoes on and picking up my kit bag before racing down the stairs. Last night, i had stayed round Keiras for the first time since my parents had separated, and i wont lie it felt so good to be around her. She really is like a bestfriend to me, and to not see her every day anymore really hurts. However, i felt my heart pang with guilt every so often, for leaving mum on her own when i knew she was struggling, but i couldn't just not see Keira, when i knew she was struggling equally as much. Once i had made it down the stairs, i walk over to Keira who has made a coffee for me, and gotten me cereal bar. She has a genuine smile on her face, one i havent seen in a while. 'Thanks Kei.' I say, taking the cereal bar and unwrapping it. 'No need, how did you sleep?' She asks me, whilst twirling my ponytail in her hand. 'Yeah really good thanks, its nice to wake up and see you again.' I smile, missing our shared mornings more than anything. She wraps her arms around my shoulders, and mine meet her waist. 'Believe me, i miss them more.' She halfheartedly jokes, before kissing my forehead. 'Come on, or we're really going to be late.' She says, pulling away from me and wiping away a stray tear. I decide not too fuss over it, as i dont want to make her cry right before training. Today, the U14s, U17s and the first team all had training, which actually worked out perfectly as it meant i got a lift to training and back. Usually, id get the bus or walk as i live close to the training ground, but since Keiras moved out, it would take over an hour to walk to there.
There was a comfortable silence in the car, with the radio supplying background noise, but there was something playing on my mind. 'Kei, can i ask you a question?' I hesitantly ask, not sure if it would make her upset. 'Course, what is it?' She replies, not sounding too concerned. 'You know what never mind, its a bit much for a Wednesday morning.' I joke, second guessing myself. 'Lil, talk to me. What's bothering you?' She pushes, clearly wanting to figure out what i was thinking. 'Do you still love mum? Sorry, i know its a bit much. Im just trying to figure this all out a bit. I probably shouldn't its none of my business. Forget i said anything-' i begin to ramble, but im cut off by the sound of Keiras voice. 'Hey, slow down. Its okay to ask questions, its affected your life just as much as its affected mine.' She begins, calming my nerves. 'I know... i just dont want to make anyone upset.' I admit, scared of overcrossing boundaries. 'Dont be scared of making us upset, and to answer your question i will always love your mum, that was never the reason for us splitting.' She says calmly, before stopping at the traffic lights. Its now or never. 'Im really worried about mum Kei.' I say, feeling a massive weight lifting off my shoulders. 'Worried? Why whats happened?' She asks, her voice growing in concern. 'The other day.. when i came home from training she was drinking by herself. When i went to take the bottle away from her over half of it was gone. She never drinks. Only on occasions like Christmas. And im scared that if i didn't intervene when i did, she wouldve just kept on going and going.' I breathe out, anxiety building up in my chest. 'Oh Lucy what are you doing...' she mumbles to herself, closing her eyes for a second before the traffic lights turn green. 'Kei?' I say, confused at her reaction. 'We said we weren't ever going to mention this.. to anyone. But when you where younger, i guess the stress of her career got to her and something similar happened. She said she'd never allow herself to get to that place again.' Keira confesses, evidently stressed. 'Oh my god Kei- and ive left her all by herself- No no no.' I ramble, beginning to feel slightly nauseous. 'Lil, calm down. We are about to see her, alright? Im sure shes fine, and if shes not we will help her or find someone who can. This isnt your fault.' She says, as we turn into the training ground. Keira drives to her parking spot faster than she probably should, and we jump out of the car as if it was on fire. Mums car is here, so i guess that was a good sign.
I follow Keira into the training ground, holding her hand tightly for support. Im not meant to be in the first teams part of the training ground, but i think some things are bigger than football. We bump into Alexia whilst running through the training ground, who stops us. 'Woah, guapas, whats wrong? Lily why are you here?' She questions, with a very heavy Spanish accent. 'Lucy. Where is she?' Keira blurts out, not wanting to stop for conversation. 'Changing room, why-' she begins, but Keiras dragged me away from her before she can finish. Barging into the changing room, mums the only one left in there, who seems to be taking paracetamol. We breathe out a sigh of relief, and she turns her head towards us. 'Lily? What are you doing here?' She questions, but Keira and I rush over to her and wrap our arms around her before i can answer. 'Guys? Whats wrong?' She asks, completely confused by our behaviour. 'You cant scare me like that Lucy- not again.' Keira mumbles, her grip on mum tightening. 'Again? What have i done? I dont under- Oh..' she says, realising what she meant. 'It wasn't like that this time.' She says, holding us both closer to her. I cant keep the tears from falling anymore. All of this pain for what? It feels like someone's playing a joke on us. Infront of me, are two people who are so in love that it hurts them, yet they want to be apart? I've tried to think of reasons as to why the universe is separating them, but i just can't figure out why. All of us hugging just reminds me of what things use to be like, what they could've been like. And it really really hurts. 'Its okay guys, you dont need to cry.' Mum says, indicating to me that Keira had also broken down. However neither of us listen, to be honest i dont think we have even registered what shes saying. 'I dont think either of you are in any state to train today. Look, why dont we just all go back to mine and talk everything out, im sure the coaches would understand.' Mum compromises, probably overwhelmed with us 2 pretty much falling apart infront of her. 'I cant miss training, ill lose my spot in the starting 11.' Keira say's inbetween cries. Shes always been so self doubting, theres no way anyone in their right mind would sub Keira. 'Kei, it wouldnt be beneficial to anyone if you trained right now. It would make you feel worse.' Mum says, trying to get her to listen. I feel Keira pull away from us, so i turn my head to look at her. Mum wipes my eyes and kisses my forehead and i bury my head back into her neck. 'Its alright darling, im sorry for scaring you.' She whispers to me, caressing the back of my head. The truth was i was terrified. If something had happened to her I truly dont know what id do. 'Come on lets go home, Keira you too .' She says standing up. Keira doesnt really have a choice, but i was glad she would be coming back home with us.
The car ride home was very awkward, a complete juxtaposition of the car ride Keira and i shared. Mum was driving us all, leaving Keiras car stuck in the training ground, but mum promised to take her later to pick it up. Keira and i were sat in the back, as if we were two kids in trouble, and i sat as close to her as i could, desperate for some comfort. Her arm is draped across my shoulders, and her hand is rubbing up and down my arm. It was weird all 3 of us together again, it felt like years since the last time we were all in the car. 'You guys hungry?' Mum asks us, driving past McDonald's drive thru. She was acting as if everything was normal, when in reality it was far from it. 'No thanks...' i reply, quite confused. 'Yeah im good too...' Keira replies, in the exact same tone. Good to know someone else thinks its strange as well. 'More for me i guess.' Mum jokes, turning into the drive thru. Once she's ordered and collected her food, she parks up in the car park, and starts eating. 'Alright why dont we cut the bullshit now and talk about what the hell is going on.' I say, frustrated with mum's avoidance of the situation. 'Language.' She replies, clearly trying to divert the conversation yet again. 'Oh great, trying to avoid the problem, cause that's going to do a fat lot of good.' I sarcastically reply, rolling my eyes. 'Lily i could do without your commentary right now.' She replies, chucking her food into the bag and driving off, evidently annoyed at me. 'You cant keep dancing around the problem mum, we're worried and your acting like nothing's wrong.' I further complain, annoyed at mums immaturity. 'Im not dancing around any problem, because there isnt a problem. Im an adult. If i want to have a drink, ill have a fucking drink.' She half shouts, startling me a little bit. 'Luce calm down.' Keira says, her grip on me tightening trying to provide comfort. I just look down at my lap, too tired and upset to give any reply. My eyes pool with tears for what feels like the millionth time today, it feels like all ive done recently is cry and i was getting tired of it. 'Its alright, dont be upset.' Keira whispers in my ear, before kissing my forehead. At this point i cant hold it in anymore. More and more hot gushy tears fall down my face rapidly, but they are the silent kind. I just didnt have the energy to stop them.
Once we pull up to the house, mum immediately gets out the car and slams her door, leaving Keira and I a bit shell shocked in the back of the car. 'Great, now she's mad at me.' I say, throwing my head back against the seat in defeat. 'Ill talk to her, you shouldnt be having to deal with this.' Keira says, bringing me in for a hug. We stay there for a few moments, before unbuckling our seatbelts and following mum into the house.
This could be a rough day.
Authors note:
- beth and vivs documentary is killing me its so sad.
