Keira Walsh POV:
5 years. It had been 5 years since id seen her last, at her last professional game ever. I knew then it was the end of us, the end of our chapter together, but i still held onto hope that we could make it work. Once she retired, she wanted to go travelling around the world, but with training i wouldnt be able to join her, meaning we would be apart more than we where together. We've done long distance before, that wasnt the issue, the issue was she didnt know when or if she'd return home. I didnt want to hold her back from what made her happy, so i let her go, despite it wrecking my entire life. Lucy was all i knew, it sounds cliche but i had experienced all of my adult life with her, so how was i meant to live without her? I didnt know how to, I've never had to. She ALWAYS came back. It all got too much for me, and less than one week after she retired i ruined any chance of her coming back to me.
Flashback 5 years ago:
I was sat in what use to be our shared apartment in Barcelona, except this time without my girlfriend, and our beloved dog. It was quiet. Too quiet for my liking, and it was driving me crazy. The silence was deafening, leaving me to overthink every decision i made in my life. If i knew it would end up like this, would i have ever started anything with Lucy? Was this all one huge mistake? No. I cant think like that. It wasnt a mistake. It wasnt a mistake. It wasnt a mistake. No matter how many times I tried to reassure myself it wasnt, all i could think about how different life would be if i never got involved in the first place. Would i be happy? It cant be worse than this. This is the lowest ive ever felt. My appetite had disappeared, sleep was a stranger to me, I'd become awful at texting my friends back, i was completely and utterly broken.
Thats when i felt the first tear fall. It fell down my face so slowly that i could almost feel it burn my cheek. Not long after, another one fell, then another one, and another one, until suddenly i had lost count. I could physically feel my heart aching, it made me feel sick. I didnt want to live like this, i couldnt live like this. This was too much. I needed to hear her voice. Just one more time. I needed to. So i pulled out my phone and opened it, going straight to contacts and calling her. It rung twice, before i heard her. 'Hello? Keira?' She asked, probably completely confused as to why ive called her. I couldnt answer her. I was frozen in place, my mouth failing to open to reply. 'Keira? Are you there? You okay?' She kept on asking. 'Im here' i spit out, trying to stop the hurt in my voice from being evident to her, but she knew straight away. She always knew. 'Whats wrong? Why do you sound like you've been crying?' She ponders, the concern in her voice growing. Its then i let it all out. Loud sobs escape my body, and i curl up to try and stop it from hurting me so much. Why did it hurt so damn much. 'I cant do this anymore' i choke out, barely forming a sentence. 'Do what? Kei your scaring me, are you with anyone?' She questions. 'How could you do this to me' i barely whisper, my pain was turning to anger, and i couldnt stop myself. 'Do what?' She hesitantly asked. Was she not as upset as i am? Why does it seem like she doesnt care? This is not fair, why do i have to hurt and she doesnt. 'Leave me. How could you leave me.' I ramble on, uncontrollably. 'Keira-' i hear her say but i cut her off before she can continue. 'No. No. You've left me here by myself, packed up our entire life together as if it meant jack shit. Now im left here. Without you, without Narla- How is that fair? Now i have to live here by myself for however long alone, whilst you tour around the fucking world doing god knows what. I have nothing now Lucy. Absolutely nothing. Life has no meaning without you in it, yet it seems like your doing just fine without me. This isnt fair. I made a mistake. If i knew 10 years ago that id be sat here now i would have never got into this with you. Because this pain is too much for me to handle. I cant handle it. I wont' i spit out, my voice full of resentment and pain. I didnt mean everything i said, i just wanted her to feel how i felt. Its selfish, but im just being honest. 'Keira dont say that. Please dont say that' she tries to say firmly, but i can hear her voice stutter. 'Its the truth' i say, no emotion in my voice. 'You dont mean that.' She says, attempting to reassure herself. 'Your just hurt, and i get that, I completely get that but you cant sit here and say it was a mistake when you know damn well it wasnt.'
'I mean it Lucy, i mean every word.' No i dont. I dont mean every word. What am i doing? 'Then maybe this was a mistake Keira' she whispers back to me. 'Maybe it was' i reply, and then i hear the line cut off. What have i done?
