Church: Yeah but where is he?
They turn to the side and see Rayner who is sprawled out on the ground.
Rayner: *mumbles* Uuuuhh... this pain... this is different pain... This is new, this is new pain... uuugghh.
Caboose: Don't worry he's not going to eat anybody.
Andy: Yeah, he thinks you guys stink too much to eat.
Alien: Blargh.
Tex: He thinks we stink?
Alien: Blargh blargh.
Tex: It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here.
Alien: Blargh?
Church: Is this thing actually safe now?
Caboose: Absolutely, he has not tried to bite me, at all.
Alien: Hnnk!
Caboose: Since he bit me the first time.
Andy: Heheh yeah, that was hilarious.
Caboose: I think I might need a tetanus shot.
Alien: Blargh blargh, blargh hnnk blargh.
Church: Whoa, that thing's breath smells like infected cheese on a hotplate. (cough)
Tucker starts coming down the ramp.
Alien: Blargh, blargh!
Andy: I don't think he liked that.
Tucker: Hey! Rayner did it. But where did he get that rope–Whoa, man, what is that stench?
Alien: Blargh.
Tucker: Is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here?
Alien: Blargh.
Tucker: It smells like old yogurt.
Alien: Largh, whargh, wharharhrgh.
Tucker: Did you eat and then throw up a can of trash?
Alien: Hnnk!
Caboose: That's exactly what he said right before he bit me.
Alien: Largher, hnnk! Hrarhrh.
Tex: You understand what he's saying?
Alien: Largh... (etc, just kinda keeps going in the background)
Church: Whey hey wait, I think I'm hearing a pattern here. I think that blarghs come after honks. Or, vice versa.
Caboose: I think, I think blargh means, me, or, apples. Guys, Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick, is- is Apples stuck in a tree? I will call the fire department.
Church: Mister Huge Alien, do you understand what we are saying?
Alien: Wharrrgh!
Church: I have no idea if that means yes or no.
Caboose: Totally blows away your vice versa theory. Sorry.
Tucker: You two are retarded. You're not gonna be able to figure out alien language by experimentation, give it up.
Church: You don't know that!
Tucker: You don't even know how they talk. What if their language isn't entirely verbal? It could be part telepathic, or via smells. Whoh.
Church: Well if it's via smells then you should be fluent in the language already. Jackass.
Alien: Hnnk!
Church: Oh shut up, you're not helping.
Caboose: Wait! I think Tucker might be right. I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head!
Church: What? What was it?
Caboose: It was a voice, saying, "Blargh blargh blargh honk."
Church: That wasn't in your head Caboose, he just said that. You're just so dumb you're lagged a few seconds behind us. By the time your brain figures out what it's heard, it feels like it's already happened.
Caboose: ...
Alien: ...
Caboose: ... That's not true. Wait! I hear something else in my head! It must be Apples, trying to communicate with me! Quick, Tucker, get a ladder!
(Alien continues blarging)
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
Fair Competition
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