ALWAYS YOU

1]"DREAMS & NIGHTMARES"

Amara:

Fire ....huge fire....and screams ....loud screams ....everything is so surreal ....as if it's happening for the first ever time.

But God knows....this is the millionth time that this is happening to me again....and this is the millionth time I utterly failed to protect my family ...while they are burning to death infront of my eyes ...

And then I see the burning body of my brother ...lit up on fire from head to toe ...running towards the entrance ...probably to get some help ....shouting my name ...over and over again to come and help him...but then he fails to come towards us becoz of the roof that fell on him completely and eternally silencing his cries of help..

Making me jolt up from my dream or rather u could say ...a nightmare ....to be more apt ...a haunting nightmare ...which had been haunting me from the past 18 yrs

All this is happening again as if I have travelled back into time and going through this again ...and just like every time I forget that this is a all a nightmare ....what had happened is all in the past ,though I keep trying to remind myself everytime before my sleep 100 s of times to not forget ....whatever is going to happen after my sleep is a nightmare that's all..

But then ...it's as if my mind and heart do not want to take the chance ....

What if God really pitied me ...and tried to give me one more chance to save my family by sending me back into time and I wasted it without even trying to save them....thinking its all a nightmare?

I know ...I may sound crazy ...but I can't help it....though somewhere in my heart and mind ...I know....that's never gonna happen ....they won't be coming back ...

And on top of that everything is so real .....those screams ...the heat of that murderous fire seeping through every cell of my body ...the smoke from the fire ...melting my eyes away into tears of agony and helplessness ...their screams peircing right through my heart and breaking it into peices cruelly ..

And here I'm ....waking up in the middle of the night ....just like every other night ....with unstoppable tears flowing through my eyes becoz of the refreshed memory of the most heartbreaking and soul killing night of my life where I lost my home ...my family ...my everything ..

Though I have lost them ...when I was just three years old ......I think god is afraid that I might forget that tragedy ...which is why ...he decided to make it unforgettable for me in this brutal way of making me relive that tragic night ...in each and every night of my life ...

When this tragedy happened ....I would also have been dead....but Ayaan saved me by pulling me out of that house in the right time though he knew his live is at stake ....the little Ayaan at that time ...saved me

I don't know whether to call him an angel or a devil .....or to love him or hate him for that ...becoz ....if he did not do that ....I wouldnt have been alive ...and being alive gives me mixed feelings ...

At the day ...I would always feel thankful for existing in the world and to be able to experience it ....but as that darkness overpowers the bright and calming light of the day by the night ....my feelings take a 180 degree turn....and I feel exhausted to live on...and to experience the pain on every night through my nightmares..

I could have gone to therapy ...I did get forced by sharadh uncle and priya aunt at the starting when they witnessed me shouting loudly in the night ....as I was made to sleep with them as I was just 3yrs old and I just lost my parents ...

But I have never ever completely opened up to my therapist and did my best to wrap my therapy up within a short span ...becoz ...I feel like I'm a burden to the family ....

They have never ever shown any differnce of treatment between their sons and me.....never ever...but idk...I feel like I am worthy of pain and only pain and I can't be peaceful ...becoz I'm the one who is responsible for all this ...

If only I didn't make that mistake ...they would have been alive and I would have happily taken their place ....

I don't know how could I ever repay this family for their selfless care and effection throughout all these years ...

Becoz of them ...I have two caring parent figures ....a good boyfriend like Ayaan ....and a pampering Abhimaan ....Abhi ...

Ayaan and I have been bestfriends from my childhood ...we are inseperable .....he had been in 2 relationships ...well before me ...and always carried a playboy attitude ...

But ...on my 20th birthday ...he proposed me to be his girlfriend ...
Seeing the sincerity in his eyes and the happiness in the faces of uncle and aunt ....I accepted his proposal ....though I didn't have any feelings for him back then....

But ...as time passed ...I have developed some feelings towards him ....I don't know if this is love ...but I like him so much and care about him....

And as I'm still confused about what path to choose in my career ....our family astrologer dropped a bomb ...that I should get married before I turn 22 yrs...if not my life will be in danger ...

I was never a believer of this astrology and all ...but aunty and uncle feel otherwise ....they wanted me to get married ....but they didn't force me to marry their son...they asked ...if I have someone else in my mind who I see as a potential husband material ...I could tell them ...without any fear...

All they said is they would never compromise with my life....and I decided ....may be ..marrying Ayaan wouldn't be so bad...I mean ...why not....we have been friends like from forever ...and now that I have been dating him and started to develop some feelings towards him....may be I could grow to love him in the future ...

And if he in any means ...try to break my heart...or irritate me....I have Abhi ....He will deal with him...becoz as long as he is there ...I fear nothing .....he have always pampered me..

Though he is cold and arrogant business man for the world ...for me he is my comfort ....my safe place where I feel no danger could ever get to me...

I mean ..it would be an utter lie to say I have never had any romantic feelings for him...I have had a major crush on him when I was 17 ....but then ...he introduced me to his business partner apparantely....as his Lil sister ...shattering my hopes of romance ....

And folks ...that was where ...I held the peices of my broken heart and started to put them back as they were earlier...

The other reason why I accepted Ayaans proposal was ...I don't want my bestfriend to go through the same pain that I have gone through....the pain of heartbreak...

And before ...u guys ...call me a bitch for leading Ayaan on...lemme tell u...I have always been sincere to him about my feelings...He do know how I feel about him clearly and that my feelings are not strong enough to be called as love ....

And now ...in 2 more days....I will become a Mrs. from Ms. I don't know why I feel so nervous and it's not a good feeling ...I am feeling as if I'm missing something ....

Whatever.....I'm happy that I got to see Abhi clearly after so many months....because....he mostly stayed in his office draining himself in his work from the last year ....though I wanted to talk to him....I feel a little akward to initiate a conversation as it had been many days that we have spoken to each other ...

Though he had always taken my calls at the second ring itself....but never initiated a phonecall ...this made me feel as if I'm disturbing him ...and from the past few months ....I stopped calling him...this have seemed to make us more distant ....and this is one of the very few things that I regret doing in my life .....

..........,..............................................................

Is this chapter big enough...I wanted to wrap the flashback of what happened as soon as possible ...so as to get to the present ....which will be much more interesting ...

Abhimaans and Ayaan's pov will be in the nxt chapter ....where in u will understand their side of story ...

Until then ...take care ...c u again