Shades of Red

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I have come to understand many concepts
One, I was impacted by my fathers absence
Two, I still am
Three, healing is like picking a scab daily
I never know when to stop

I have done enough looking within myself
To understand I have made mistakes
More than I thought I could
So deeply rooted, I believed them to be just

Abandonment issues cause you not to cling
But claw deeply, into what you hold dear
To the point where you cannot tell
Which one of you is bleeding

I clawed into a person
until my palms were feeling my own nails
And asked why I was in pain
Why I was always the one in pain

Did the other person feel pain too?
Did they condone it?
Was I the first to notice?
Or just the one to voice it

I want to to take the blame, accountability
But something in me screams
You left me first, you started it
Is there any way I could have prevented this

- Carmine

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