Every Color Has Meaning [Poetry]

Shades of Yellow

When I was younger and the notes stopped
The yellow paged notebook was not ready
There was no more letters to send
I think I expected someone to return home

I was too small to know the adult chatter
That I'm sure explained it swiftly
There was another family to build, tend to
One where he was not a man of mistakes

Where he could build on a house half built
Same size as the one before
But new address, new street meant he was
A new man, a free man

Like a child he took the phrase "a new start"
In all sense of the word
Like the child I was, I took it to the chin
No sense in feeling sad, I wouldn't be heard

I know there is a love
So pure and strong,
it goes against all time and reason
Against all odds and far beyond

I know I was shown my father once again
One Promising to be better,
one believing half heartedly
Both are now moving on again

What could I have done
as both a child and adult,
That would warrant such little consideration
Such reckless and repeated abandonment

I cried when I realized, history did repeat
I almost blamed myself, still do some days
But I held my ground and left with
As much grace as one could

Using the strength my mother stored in her
Saving it for me, so I would know better
That I could do better than a man like father
We deserved better than his belittling treatment

I walk away for us both
I will heal and build for myself
And I will live for every moment I have left
Preserving a bit of strength for those to come

- Sarcoline