Red vs Blue : Mirage

S4: Familiar Surroundings

Caboose: Classic Church.

Tucker: I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurism.

Rayner: Probably. I mean, this is Church we're talking about.

Church: Anyway, I was talking to Gary about the Great Destroyer, who at the time we thought was Tex.

Fade to Church's story.

Gary: the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near.

Church: Oh come on Gary Gary Gary, stop stop stop. Hey if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy, then who is?

Cut to the present.

Church: And that's when I turned around, and I saw...

Cut back to Church's story, where Church turns around and Caboose is standing in the way.

Caboose: Saw what? Saw O'Malley?

Church: What the- Caboose, get outta the story man. No it wasn't O'Malley.

Caboose: What was it?

Church: Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you.

Caboose: A helicopter?

Tucker: Yeah Caboose, shut up.

Church: Hey, Tucker, you're interrupting now too. Everybody just get outta here.

Tucker: Me? I'm just tryin' to punch up the storyline. Check this out.

Tex with Tucker's voice steps to the ledge.

Tucker: Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing. Hey is it hot in here? Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor. This breastplate is so itchy.

Cut back to the present.

Tucker: Bow chicka bow-

Tex levels her gun at Tucker.

Tucker: -whoa, story's over.

Tex: You're a pig.

Tucker: I didn't even get to the part where the sailors show up.

Rayner: Sometimes I am genuinely baffled at your propensity for perverted indulgence.

Tex: Just tell us, what did you see?

Church: Um, it was a really big... thing.

Tex: That's your story? You saw a big thing.

Tucker: Eh, my story had a big thing in it too. You just didn't give it time to develop.

Church: Well I didn't really get a clear look at it.

Caboose: At Tucker's big thing.

Church: No dumbass, at the big thing in the base that attacked me. All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth.

Tucker: Kinky.

Church: Seriously dude, cut the shit. We've got a situation on our hands.

Tex: Well how did you fight it off?

Church: Fight it off? You must have me confused with someone who's brave. I got the hell outta there.

Tex: You're telling me you left your body behind?

Church: I had to get outta there fast. That body was just dead weight.

Caboose: I know the feeling.

Church: What is that supposed to mean?

Rayner: Ahahahaha, some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church! Haha!

Church: Screw you Rayner!

Tex: He didn't scare the crap outta him, he scared the soul outta him.

Tucker: Oh it's Church, what's the difference? His soul is made outta crap. Stupid crap for soul.

Church: For all I know, he's in there chewin' on my body right now.

Tex: Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours.

Tucker: Bow chicka bow wow.

Tex: Oh shut up.

Church: Shut up Tucker.

Tucker: Did somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow chicka bow wow!

Church: Tucker. Shut up.

Tucker: I came here to lay some pipe. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!

Church: Tucker!

Tucker: So I hear you got sisters. Bow chicka- who're twins! -wow wow!

Church: Shut up.

Tucker: Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!

Church: Shut up.

Tucker: Bow chickachicka-

Church: Shut up.

Tucker: -gow wow chicka-

Church: Shut up.

Tucker: -chicka bow bow chickachickachi bow bow!

Church: Shut up!

Rayner: Haaah, this is gonna be a long day.

Tex: Ain't it already?

Rayner: Good point.