The ImagiNation, Project Sekai || HOPE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE

CHAPTER 18 - No Regerts

Part of me wishes I didn't let you have a peek into my deep dark mind, but sadly what's done is done. 

Slowly, I started rehearsing for our show less and less. I ended up being on my phone and watching TV on my computer a lot more than I usually did. It kept me from thinking about what was going on in my mind and life. Although, somehow not thinking about those things made everything feel a thousand times worse.

Rui was flooding my phone with text messages and calls, he wouldn't leave me alone. It was almost like he couldn't! 

 I always want to talk to him... but right then I just didn't for some reason. The insane amount of love he had for me made me feel sick, why was he wasting his time on me like this? I'm a stubborn little idiot, that's all I am.

"Ma, there isn't any problem! You're making a problem out of nothing!" My father exclaimed. I could hear he and Mommy arguing about something that didn't matter. 

Thier fight wasn't even bad, they were just squabbling over nothing. But once again, the yelling of my mind was what scared me most. 

In a panic, I called Hara. I always told Hara everything, I felt like she knew best even though she didn't. I kind of felt bad for telling her every single one of my problems. 

"Why hello there, fellow human being!" Hara answered in a silly tone. She had no idea I was feeling bad. 

I let out a little chuckle, but my face went right back to being sad after that. "Hara, I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore." I started crying, she could probably hear it in my voice. 

Hara was silent for a little while. "That's not good. What's scaring you?" She asked slightly awkward. I was probably making her uncomfortable by crying. 

"My parents are fighting and my mind is being mean to me again. I hate myself." I sniffled. 

Hara got quieter, she didn't usually know what to do in order to cheer me up. "I'm sorry..." She sighed, I thought I was making her feel bad. 

"No, I'm sorry. I already vent to you too much, so let's just talk about random silly junk. I shouldn't be telling you all my problems how I do." I said, feeling like a piece of garbage for always throwing up all my problems to my friends. I was most likely worrying them all. No-- I knew I was making them worried. 

Hara's voice was almost in a whisper. She always got like that when I told her about all of the things that made me hurt inside. Hara thought she had nothing that made her feel bad, and over and over she told me she was fine. Well, I'm not her but I don't really believe that. "You need to talk about your feelings... I'm fine. You're not really making me feel bad, but I feel bad." 

I forced myself to stop crying and tried to pull myself together. "I understand. Just-- let's talk about something else!"

And so we did, we talked about something else... for about four hours. Yeah, our calls usually lasted a really long time. When I spoke to Hara I always felt comforted, I knew her my whole life and she's been like a big sister to Honoka and I.

My parents had already stopped fighting before we hung up. I felt better right then, but I knew it wouldn't last. Though, I still wanted to erase everything I had ever done in my entire life...

I fell asleep at about three AM, with my phone in hand. 

-

The next day I went to school exhausted because I had stayed up so late. My eyes were halfway closed the whole time as I walked to school, but when I spotted a certain someone in the distance they opened wide.

It was Akito Shinonome himself and Mizuki Akiyama!! Akito was so cool... and Mizuki didn't go to school much, only when she felt like it. It was a surprise seeing them both together! But-- it looked like Mizuki was annoying Akito. 

I sped over to them to see what was going on. 

"Lil' bro, it's Setsuko!" Mizuki said with that mischievous smirk of hers as she pointed at me. 

Akito sighed and he was starting to look angry. "Stop calling me lil' bro. I've said it in English now, will you finally stop?" He said with an irritated sigh. 

Mizuki did not stop, she proceeded to call him lil' bro. "Setsuko, have you met lil' bro before?" She asked. 

I had definitely met Akito before, he didn't really like me. I desperately wanted his approval, but since he was being treated this way, I realized he wasn't all that cool and impressive. "Yeah, I've met the Lorax before." 

Mizuki burst into ridiculous laughter. Obviously, she got the joke about him being the Lorax because of his hair. "You're too funny!! I didn't know you made jokes!" She managed to say in between her cackles of amusement. 

"Well, we don't talk much but a lot of my friends say I'm funny. So, I guess it's true." I said. 

I saw Rui running up to me, he looked concerned. "Why didn't you answer any of my texts or calls this weekend? What's going on? Is something wrong? You shouldn't push yourself away from people that love you, Setsuko! Or did I do something to make you upset? If I did, I'm sorry... I just want to help you."

"I guess that's the end of avoiding him!" I thought to myself.