Luckily, i planned ahead before inviting Keira around. Making sure no toys were out, and any pictures of Amelia were put away. It felt incredibly wrong to lie too her, and act as if I was this person that im not, but I didn't have the guts to do it yet. Currently, we were layed across my sofa, her sat inbetween my legs layed back against me, watching some random show we had put on. I let myself imagine what it would be like if my daughter was here, cuddled up against Keira fast asleep, but I couldn't just ask Keira to take on this whole motherly role when she was so young. Just because i had made that decision, doesnt mean she had to. She clearly noticed something was up, and she turned her head to look up at me. 'I can feel you tensing up, is something wrong?' She asks me, seeming a bit anxious. 'No no, just been a long day. Tired.' I reassure, plastering a fake smile on my face. 'If you dont want me here now i can go if your tired-' she beings to ramble but i immediately cut her off. 'Hey. Of course i want you here, much rather be with you than be alone Kei.' I smile, trying to calm her nerves. She smiles at me, then leans back against my chest. After a while, i can feel her body become limp, and soon enough her breath's become even, signalling to me that she had fallen asleep. Im glad she felt comfortable enough around me to do so. Deciding i had had enough of watching TV, i wrapped my arms around her torso, and went to sleep myself. It had been a weird day, and I was more than happy to succumb to the exhaustion my body was experiencing.
2 hours later:
I was abruptly woken up by continuous knocking on my door, which also startled Keira, as she sat up from my lap. 'Are you expecting someone?' She grumbles, still half asleep. 'No, ill go and see who it is.' I reply, moving to step off the the sofa, and walking towards the front door. I honestly had no clue who it could be, i wasnt expecting a delivery, nor a guest, so i was quite surprised and a little scared. I place my hand on the door handle, and hesitantly open the door. Peeking around it, im met with my mum, and what seemed to be a very very distraught Amelia. Oh dear. Keira was literally in the room next to us, and my daughter was crying her little heart out infront of me. I had to prioritise Amelia in that moment, and Keira had to find out about her sooner or later, I just didnt realise it would be this soon. 'Mum? What's happened?' I ask concerned, immediately taking Amelia out of her arms to hold her. Her arms wrap around my neck, and she cries into my shoulder. 'Shhh its okay baby, mummys here.' I say, attempting to soothe her, but ultimately failing. I look to my mum, so try and get some answers. 'Im so sorry Lucy, i know your with Keira, i did text but there was no answer. Shes been crying for you for hours, ive asked her whats wrong but all shes said is that she wanted you, i didnt know what else to do.' She says, guiltily, knowing about my date. 'Its okay mum, dont stress it. Ive got it, you can go home.' I say, knowing Keira and Amelia were about to meet. 'Are you sure? You dont need any help?' She asks, questioning me. 'Im sure, i promise.' I reply. She kisses Amelia on her forehead, then kisses mine. 'It will be okay Lucy.' She reassures, then walks away from the door. I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for any potential reaction that Keira might have.
Closing the door, i make my way back into the living room, whilst also trying to calm Amelia. 'Am, whats wrong darling.' I keep asking, but she doesn't reply. She just cries harder. When i do make my way back to the living room, i see Keira looking at me, with a shocked and slightly scared expression. 'Im so sorry.' I mouth to her, scared that if I actually say it my voice will crack. She doesnt say a word. In fact, she doesnt even move. Its as if she's paralysed. I wouldn't blame her if she just walked out, any reaction she has is valid. But i have to focus my attention onto Amelia. I sit down on the other sofa opposite Keira, wanting to give her some space. 'Shhh calm down, its okay.' I coo, rubbing my hand up and down Amelias back. I felt helpless, watching my daughter so distraught was heartbreaking. 'Has someone upset you?' I ask, trying to think of what has made her this hysterical. She nods against me, her cries quietening down now that ive pointed out the root cause of all of this. Her arms unwrap from around my neck, and she sits in my lap. I use my hands to wipe her tear stained face, brushing up stray pieces of hair from out of her face at the same time. 'Who upset you baby?' I ask, trying to figure this all out. 'My friends tease me.' She admits, looking down in her lap. 'Oh Am, what do they say?' I ask, fearful of the answer. She doesnt say anything, she just continues to look down. I use my finger to hold her chin up, so i can make eye contact with her. 'You can tell me, dont be afraid.' I reassure her, causing her eyes to build up with tears again. 'It's because i dont have a daddy.' She whispers, the tears now rolling down her face. 'We had to do our family tree in pre school, and they make fun of me because i only have a mummy.' She continues. I dont even know what to say to her. I just feel so incredibly guilty. 'Im so sorry your daddy isnt here Amelia. I wish he made an effort to be here, but your friends shouldnt be teasing you about it. Thats very unkind of them.' I say, wiping the stray tears. 'Is it my fault?' She whispers, her voice breaking. 'Never ever think that. Its not your fault, I promise you. He's just not a very nice person, but that's nothing to do with you. I love you very much.' I say sincerely, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame so she cant see the tears falling down my face. I almost forget Keiras sat on the sofa, until i open my eyes and see her giving me a sympathetic look. I shake my head at her, i dont want her pity, i dont deserve it. Amelia seems to have calmed down, so i pull away from her. 'I love you too mummy' she smiles, bringing up her small hand to wipe away one of my tears, breaking my heart even more. 'Go on, go and play' i tell her, as she jumps off my lap. She hasnt even clocked that Keiras sat there, as she just runs away to her bedroom. I was dreading this conversation. I hide my face in my hands, as i just cant hold it together anymore, and then i feel a hand on my back. One ive gotten to know all too well.
even though im a single mum?
Start from the beginning
