Red vs Blue : Mirage

S3: The Best Laid Plans

Donut proceeds to tell Rayner about all the events that had transpired. Cut to Simmons in one of many similar corridors of grey between red walls.

Simmons: Hellooooo... Hello? Is anybody here? Just great. I guess we all got separated in the teleprter.

Radio sounds.

Simmons: Sarge. This is Simmons 2.0, do you read me. Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the Universe... Or it's a janitor's closet, the hell I don't fucking know, Sarge, are you there, Sarge!

Cut to Sarge and Caboose standing in a stream.

Sarge: Hello, anyone! Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. (sound of his radio turning off. To Caboose) Well, I don't think the others are coming. They must have gotten separated somehow.

Caboose: My toes, are getting pruny.

Sarge: O...kay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley? (runs off)

Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates. (runs off to follow Sarge)

Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back. If you know what I mean.

Sarge and Caboose come upon a fallen blue soldier outside a base.

Caboose: Sargeant. Look! A sleeping person!

Sarge: What? Holy macaroon.

Sarge runs over and kneels by the fallen blue.

Sarge: He's not sleeping son, he's dead.

Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because, I am blue. And, I like to sleep. But, if he is dead that cannot be me. That would be silly.

Sarge: No doubt he was killed by our very enemy, once again I find myself torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the Universe. But now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do. No sir. Rest in peace... scumbag.

Caboose runs behind the base and sees many fallen blues and reds.

Caboose: Look - more sleeping people! It must be nap time. But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times.

Sarge: What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. Hello! Is anyone okay!? Are there any survivors? Preferably any red survivors? Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue, I won't step on your neck or anything like that.

Caboose: Am I allowed to answer?

Sarge: Shh quiet. You hear that?

In the background, trumpet music starts getting louder.

Caboose: Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy-

Sarge: I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard.

Caboose: I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason. Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together.

Sarge: Wait a minute I know that song, that's Reveille. But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of a-