Prince of earth

Chapter 44

Loki lay awake, staring at the ceiling feeling time passing painfully slowly. He'd looked at the time about an hour ago and it was just about three o'clock in the morning, but when he looked again just now only ten minutes had past.

He turned over on his side, trying to get comfortable but he just couldn't fall asleep.

"Sad really" Loki sighed a long and slow sigh when he heard Odin's voice from across the room "losing sleep over the idea that you might not be liked by a couple of humans"

Loki sat up and faced the image of Odin that was now taunting him.

"I am very much not in the mood for this. Please Go away" Loki requested.

Odin just stood there.

"I'm your own thoughts Loki, if you want me gone, make me leave"

Loki hated this. It wasn't the first time his thoughts had taken a visual form, but it was no less irritating. These were the moments he missed Thors magic-restricting cuffs so his tired mind couldn't make these images.

"I can't get rid of you, I didn't even mean to conjure you, but sometimes my mind just won't stop talking" he complained.

Odin didn't seem impressed or sympathetic toward Lokis struggles.

"Well maybe your thoughts wouldn't be so loud if you weren't so worried about impressing these humans. When did you become so soft?"

Loki rolled his eyes.

"I'm not worried about impressing anyone. I can't sleep because this couch isn't as comfortable as I thought it was"

Odin was once again unmoved by Lokis words.

"You're losing sleep because you know you won't be able to earn their affection, or even their trust. You never could make friends on Asgard, and you can't here either" Odin said discouragingly.

"Well aren't you as encouraging as ever" Loki said sarcastically with a smug grin "I can always count on you to kick me while I'm down"

Odin walked toward Loki and sat on the coffee table, facing Loki on the couch.

"The fact of the matter is they'll see you for the monster you are" Odin said "they saw you turn, they saw you use the magic you inherited from Jotunhiem, and you saw the looks on their faces. They might play nice, but when you show them what you are inside, they will fear you"

Loki sat quietly for a moment, the smirk on his face from a moment ago now gone. He just shook his head.

"Why are you always such a terrible father?" He finally asked, his voice a little lower now "you always put me down when you were alive, and now you're dead and you still find a way to put me down. Why? Why are you an awful father even after death?"

Odin smiled very faintly.

"Have you ever considered that maybe I wasn't so bad?" He asked "you once hated Thor, you'd convinced yourself that he'd committed some horrible wrong against you, you wanted to murder him. Then you were reunited, and you realized that your anger had run away with you and made you hate your brother when he didn't deserve it, and now you crave getting back there more than anything. Is it not possible that the same has happened to me? That all the hate you feel toward me is just... anger left unchecked?"

Loki took a deep breath, feeling himself getting angry. He was talking to an image that he'd created himself (even if by accident), and it was making him angry.

"No" Loki finally said "no, it's different with you. You hurt me, you told me I wasn't enough, you made me fight for the smallest sliver of acknowledgment. My anger toward Thor was mostly unjustified, but the things you did were very very real. You branded me, I have that scar to remind me how you treated me. The only time I could hate Thor was when I was angry, well I'm not angry anymore and I still hate you. So get out of my house" Loki waved a hand toward Odin and the image immediately shimmered into non-existence.