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this was a mistake (part 2)

Keira Walshs POV:
What was i doing? Why was i going back to Lucys? Oh god, oh god, oh god. Its not like i didnt want to go, because i really really did, but i was just i dont know.. scared in a way? It had been 5 years since we'd been in a room together, now im going back to her house. Her house. Not ours. We wait outside in the bitter cold for a taxi, my teeth chattering. 'You cold?' She asks, theres no point in me even trying to lie. 'Yeah a bit' i admit, turning my head to face her. 'If i had a jacket id offer it to you' she says, sympathetically. 'Its fine, dont worry about it' i say attempting to reassure her, but she makes the bold move to pull me into her. Her arms wrap around me and her hands rub up and down my arms to try and create warmth. My hands are holding eachother against her chest, and my stomach is swirling with butterflies. This was nice. I forgot how protective she was of those that she loves. 'Better?' She asks. 'Better.' I hum. We stand there together until our taxi arrives, although i wish it didn't have to arrive. I couldve stayed there wrapped up in her embrace for hours.

Once we make it back to hers, she leads the way and unlocks the door. Once the door is open, a very special furry friend came rushing to the door. I completely forgot I'd get to see her again. 'Oh my god Narla' i coo, her jumping up at me. I drop down to her level, and she gives me a lot of kisses. 'Come here. Oh ive missed you so much. Yes i have. Yes i have' i continue to awe and stroke her. 'Clearly someones missed you.' Lucy jokes, bending down to greet her as well. 'Not as much as i have' i smile, letting her jump onto my lap. Losing the love of your life and your dog on the same day is not something id ever wish upon anyone. It got easier over the years, but there where sone bad days. 'Come on lets go to the living room' Lucy says. I pick up Narla and follow her. Theres a cabinet with pictures on top of it, intrigued by it i go up to look at the photos. Theres one the day we won the Euros, the birth of her niece and nephew, Lucy Staniforths wedding, one of her parents, but one stuck out to me. It was one of us three; Me, Lucy and Narla. I remember the day so clearly. We where playing outside in the garden with her a few days after we had adopted her together, Leah taking photos upon photos, and then we spent the night chatting with the girls outside on our sofas. 'Its a nice place Lucy' i tell her, still taking in all the photos. 'Thanks, i like it here. I think im gonna stay here for a while.' She says, soaking up her home. Again, her home. Not ours. 'Im happy your happy' i say barely above a whisper, turning to look at her. She smiles at me. 'And you, are you happy?' She asks me. Was i happy? It wasnt a question i asked myself a lot. 'Not quite, but im getting there' i admit honestly. I dont think ive been happy for a long time. 'How come?..' she asks hesitantly, fearing the answer. I sigh before sitting on her sofa. 'Things in the team are just a bit... off right now. We have a new management and lets just say we arent getting on with them.' I say, looking at the floor. 'The teams not really a team anymore, its just our job. We go there, train, go home and repeat. None of us speak outside of training' i admit, rambling on. 'Im sorry to hear that Keira' she whispers guiltily. 'Dont be, its not your fault.' I say smiling up at her, her face filled with concern. 'This is my last season anyways, im retiring after. My heart just isnt in it anymore' i say with a sad smile on my face. Falling out of love with the sport you've grown up with hurts. 'What are your plans after you, you know...' 'Retire' i finish for her. 'Honestly, i havent got a clue' i say. God knows what ill do when i do retire, but anything is better than whatever the hell im living now. 'Live with me' Lucy blurts out, my eyes widening. 'What?' I say, baffed at her. 'Live with me.' She whispers again. 'Lucy... we aren't together anymore.' I remind her, sadness evident in my voice. 'I know, but i dont want to spend another second without you in my life Keira. I cant. I wont do it again' she says moving closer next to me. 'Lucy think about what your saying... dont rush into something that you wont be able to get out of.' I say, tears building up in my eyes. 'But i dont want to get out of it. Ive made that mistake once and look where its gotten me. You are my life Keira. No matter how hard i try i cant move on. I dont think i want to move on... Life without you is like living without a purpose, and i dont want to go through life as an empty soul.' She admits, tears falling down her face. Was it the alcohol talking? Or her being honest? I couldnt tell the difference. However, my hand reaches up to wipe the tears off her face, as hers does to mine, i didnt even realise the tears fell. 'I want nothing more than to be with you Lucy, but if we are going to do this we cant rush into things. Im not risking losing you again' i tell her, scared of getting hurt again. 'I understand.. forget i said anything- it was stupid anyways' she says standing up and wiping her eyes. 'I dont think it was stupid Lucy, i just dont want to risk anything.' I say standing up behind her and wrapping my arms around her torso. She breaks down in my arms, and sinks to the floor. Im not strong enough to keep her standing so i sit down with her. 'Im sorry for ruining us' she cries, her sobs growing louder. 'Shhh you didnt ruin anything, you did what you had to do. You put your happiness first, thats all ive ever wanted you to do.' I say, a few tears falling down my face. 'I was so selfish' she curses at herself, disgust lingering in her voice. 'Hey, none of that. Stop beating youself up over it, its in the past now, we cant change it. But we can change our future Lucy, lets do it right this time.' I say whilst moving to sit infront of her, my hands cupping her face whilst she holds onto my wrists. 'How can you even look at me?' She aks, looking down at the floor. 'Because i love you. Its always going to be you Lucy. Moving on from you just isnt an option for me, and i never want it to be' i admit, a bit shocked at myself. I just told her that i love her after 5 years. God knows if she still loved me. 'You still love me?' She whispers, looking directly into my eyes. I just nod at her, giving her a small reassuring smile. 'I love you too Keira, and i always will' Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god?????? The tears stream uncontrollably down my face, and i let out a loud laugh. I throw myself onto her, wrapping my arms around her neck, and hers meet my waist. If you had told me 12 hours ago id be sat In Lucys home, on the living room floor, admitting that i still loved her, i wouldnt have believed you. I still don't believe it, is it possible that im dreaming? God i hope not, and if i was, i dont think id want to wake up. 'Can we go to bed?' I ask her, after sitting on the floor for god knows how long. 'Yeah, ill get some clothes for you to change into as well.' She says as we stand up. I had a feeling that tonight's sleep would be the best sleep ive had in while, and my life would start to fall back into place all over again. For the first time in years, i felt content with my life, and it was all down to Lucy. It always will be down to Lucy.

Authors note:
- someone requested a part 2, let me know if you have any other requests! 🫶🏼