Sanity ~ marvel cast.

6

Trigger warnings: self harm, Blood, memories of violence and self harm/suicide.

My breathing is hollow and shaky as I sit in the boiling bath.

Drown yourself otherwise you'll become a murderer.

I don't want to do either!

Then cut yourself instead.

I don't really want to...

I try to convince myself that I don't want to self harm but it doesn't work. I can practically feel the silver blade drag across my wrists at just the thought of doing it.

"No. I'm three months clean. I can't ruin this for myself." The words leaving my mouth don't convince me enough to stop what I'm thinking. So I do it.

The water sloshes as I rise from the bath tub and wrap and sloppily dry myself.

Once all of my clothes are on, all but a T-shirt, so I'm just in my bra and joggers, I shuffle around in my drawer on the cabinet that everyone uses.

It's bland with only some toiletries and makeup in it so when I feel the crinkling plastic bag which I keep my blades in, I know that it's what I'm looking for since I've looked for it so many times in the past and found it before.

My hands are shaky and I'm practically sobbing as I undo the seam to the bag.

I hold the shiny metallic pieces of metal in-between my fingers before falling to my knees with dread.

Do it! You don't deserve any of this! Why would you? You don't deserve friends and you definitely don't deserve to be in a marvel movie.

My bottom lip trembles at the thoughts racing through my mind so before I can stop myself, I drag the blade across the back of my wrist in a clean line.

I don't particularly go deep with the cut, just so that blood leaks from it and the pain will linger for a day or two.

The sudden sharp pain makes me gasp before whimpering in pain and shaking.

Do it again.

I'm now standing up and leaning on the sink as blood droplets fall from my arm and into the sink.

I hold my arm up again, in front of me and cut slightly deeper and faster. Twice.

It feels as though my arm is about to explode from the throbbing and pain that happens constantly.

Now you've done it three times, you can't do it again today.

At first, I don't dare look at how much I self harmed and when I do, I clamp my hand over my mouth at the sight.

Immediately, I spring into action, grabbing a roll of paper towels and ripping seven pieces off.

I take a few deep breaths while preparing myself for it to touch the new wounds and when it does, I let out out a few stifled sobs at the agony.

After around ten minutes, the bleeding stops so I run the wounds under some warm water. Obviously, this hurts but at this point, I'm practically numb to the pain.

It's still bleeding slightly but this'll have to do since I have to pack my suitcase soon.

I place a large plaster over the wounds before carefully tying a bandage over the top.

Finally, I slip my long sleeve top over it all and put some hand warmers on my hands

Before doing anything else, I throw the contents of my drawer into a plastic bag, hesitantly hovering over the bag of blades before throwing it in anyway.

Over all of my clothes; my gilmore girls esc jumper gets slipped on and I walk out of the room, completely forgetting that blood is in the sink.

"I'm done in the bathroom." I mutter glumly while walking back into my bedroom which is apparently shared with Avery now?

She looks up at me from my desk, half of her face in full makeup, the other looking like just her.

"Your goth makeup is soooooo cool." She smiles at my compliment.

"Thank you. This cut is a bugger to deal with, though." As she says this, it reminds me to check my cut and see if I need I need to cover it or anything.

"Mine isn't actually swollen..." I say, confused but also happy as I take a look at the bruise and cut, nowhere near as deep as Avery's but the bruise clearly is worse. "Why isn't it swollen? They're usually swollen for ages." She smiles as I say this.

"I put an ice pack and some cold towels on it last night so that the taxi driver to the airport won't see it and get suspicious." Midway through applying concealer over the bruise, I realise that she isn't aware that THE Scarlett Johansson is driving us there.

"Oh my god. You don't know." She looks puzzled at my words.

"I don't know what?"

"We're not getting a taxi to the airport and the plane isn't gonna be public. Scarlett Johansson is driving us there and the plane is Robert Downey Jr's private plane." Her mouth hangs open at the new information she just received.

"How did you manage to forget to tell me such necessary information?!" She exclaims while doing her eyeliner and black nose contour.

I step away from the mirror, leaving her in awe as I admire my work of covering up the bruise. This is when I catch a glimpse of the time.

"WE HAVE THIRTY MINUTES?!" I almost scream before dragging my dark blue suitcase from under my bed. The last time I used this suitcase was when I came to this place. I must've been not much older than seven. My parents where always at work and one day I got upset that they were never home. My dad hit me. Then it went downhill. My mum got so upset that, without thinking, she stabbed him. Not even ten minutes later, she slit her own throat because of the guilt. I had an older sister but we got split up when we got put in the system. She texted me all the time then one day I got a weird text from her foster home. She was only fourteen when she hung herself. My age. I was ten at the time. That's when I started to overdose and self harm. Long story short, the suitcase makes me remember things that I don't want to.