Incognito

Chapter 15

"I JUMPED FROM the balcony of a condo unit which is at the fifty-fifth floor, and it turned out it wasn't true."

"I thought I saw someone who, it turned out, was out of the country when I saw him, and I saw him twice while he was thousands of miles away."

"I was hit by a car without a driver, and I was thinking, up to this moment, that the car hit me intentionally."

The bespectacled psychiatrist, her name was Olivia and she was forty-eight years old, sitting on a chair, just stared at Vera for a few moments while Vera lay there on the couch.

"Kailan ito nagsimula?" tanong ni Olivia.

"Pagkatapos ng breakup ko sa ex-boyfriend ko."

"Did it depress you?"

"It made me sad."

"How sad?"

"I thought I'd go mad."

"You thought you'd go mad."

"But I didn't."

"And you're sad up to this day?"

"Hindi na."

"You've moved on?"

"Soon, I will."

"You got so sad because you loved him too much?"

"Yes. And the circumstances before the breakup," Vera said.

"What are those circumstances?"

Pagtiungin ni Ver sa puting kisame, ang nakita niya ay ang napakalawak na manipis na yelo na nakita niya sa panaginip niya noon. Nakita niya ang sariling tumatakbo uli rito. Nakita rin niya ang pagkalamat at pagkabiyak ng yelo at ang paglubog niya sa tubig at ang pagsakalakay ng ahas sa kanya sa tubig.

Pero may bago siyang nakikita.

Isang itim na oso na mabilis na tumatakbo patungo sa direksiyon niya at ng ahas, umuungol ito, umaatungal, nag-iiwan ito ng lamat sa bawat yelong tapakan nito.

"Vera."

Napatingin siya sa doktora.

"Ano 'yong circumstances?"

"The other woman."

...and him having sex with her while she was asleep, and her conversation with Cree while she could hear that he was fucking another woman...

Tumangu-tango ang doktora. "'Yong tumalon ka mula sa fifty-fifth floor, I'm sure hindi totoo 'yon," sabi ni Olivia, bahagyang nangingiti. "Pero 'yong nakita mo ang isang taong nasa ibang bansa pala, have you verified it? Talaga bang nasa abroad siya nang inakala mo na makita mo siya?"

"Yes."

"At sigurado ka ba na 'yong tao na 'yon na nasa abroad ang nakita mo?"

"Yes."

"At 'yong kotseng bumangga sa 'yo, verified din na wala itong driver?"

"Yes."

"Na hindi ito aksidente?"

"I still am not sure," sabi niya. "Pero nagmaniobra at lumiko 'yong kotse na walang driver pasalubong sa 'kin, diretso lang dapat ang takbo nito kung walang nagmamaneho."

"It probably hit something, that's why it turned."

"It's possible, yes. Nakakagulat lang talaga na dumiretso ito sa akin."

"You're not taking any medications before or during these hallucinations?"

"Wala."

"Let's go back to your breakup," sabi ni Olivia. "What caused it?"

"I was replaced."

The bear? Was it out to save her or attack her?

"With another woman?"

"Yes."

Bakit niya inaabala ang isip niya tungkol sa osong iyon?

"Alam mo ba kung bakit ka niya pinalitan?"

Umiling siya. "It's just probably his habit, ang magpalit-palit ng babae... or he got tired of me."

May gumuhit na isang malungkot na ngiti sa mukha ni Olivia. "Sa pamilya mo," sabi nito. "May nakakaranas din ba ng ganyan sa immediate family mo, 'yong parang hallucinations? O kahit sa mga relative mo?"

"Wala. Ako lang."

"Ito ba 'yong first time mo na mag-consult sa isang doktor na gaya ko?"

Tumango si Vera.

She remembered the black bear tattoo of Cree.

"'Yong pagtulog mo, maayos ba?"

"Nitong mga huling araw, oo."

"'Yong pagkain mo."

"Parang mas lumakas pa ang appetite ko ngayon," sabi niya at ngumiti.

"So, ang problema lang talaga ay 'yong hallucinations," sabi ng doktora. "Na hindi rin natin sigurado kung hallucinations talaga. But then, a tired mind suffering or coming from a depressed state will sometimes really trick you, but once it's rested, it'd be back to functioning normally. I can't give you anything right now, what we can do is just observe, kung mauulit ang mga hallucination. But before you go home, I will give you some brain vitamins." She opened a drawer, picked out a pen and started writing a prescription.

Vera left the clinic and while driving, she glanced at her rearview mirror and saw a black bear, gnarling, growling, figurative fire in its eyes, chasing her, and when she looked back in front of her, she saw Lawrence striding towards her, nimbly, but still with his cane in his left hand and a whip at his right hand.

Oh, Lawrence, what did I do to you?

"Vera."

She opened her eyes and looked at the doctor, who was smiling. "You dozed off," sabi nito. "Akala ko, kumpleto ang tulog mo."

Maikling tumawa si Vera. "Napuyat lang ako nitong huling dalawang gabi," paliwanag niya. "Nag-shoot ako ng isang commercial."

"Oh. What commercial?"

"Shampoo. Doc..."

"Yes?"

"Maituturing bang hallucination ang panaginip?"

"No, you can see hundreds of monsters in your dream and it's okay," sabi ng doktora. "Kapag nakakita ka ng kahit isa lang na halimaw habang gising ka, baka may problema. Here," iniabot nito sa kanya ang reseta. "Just some supplements for your brain. And see you after two weeks."

"Thank you."

Habang nagmamaneho siya pauwi, pasulyap-sulyap siya sa rearview mirror niya, tintitingnan kung may osong sumusunod sa kanya-wala. May makikita siyang isang libong itim na oso sa panaginip niya pero wala iyong problema, sabi ng doktora niya. Walang oso pero may nakita siyang kotseng sumusunod sa kanya. Halos nakadikit na ito sa kanya habang nakabuntot kaya agad niyang nakilala kung sino ang nagmamaneho nito.

Si Rhys.