Incognito

Chapter 5

"I THOUGHT SO," sabi niya, may mapait na ngiti sa mga labi,

Naaalala niya ang kanina lang ay walang paalam na pakikipagtalik o mas tamang sabihin na pagpaparaos sa kanya ni Cree habang tulog siya at lalong naging masakit alalahanin iyon ngayong nakumpirma niyang niloloko pala talaga siya ng lalaki. Puwede naman siyang itaboy kaagad nito sa sandaling nakahanap siya ng kapalit nito, bakit pinanatili pa siya nito sa tabi nito? Hindi naman niya ipagsisiksikan ang sarili niya rito. Bakit kailangan pa siya nitong gawing tanga at bastusin at babuyin? What, was it just because he woke up this morning with a massive morning wood and he needed to do something about it?

It was upsetting her so much she wanted to puke.

She was loyal to him, all he could do in return was for him to be respectful to her.

Siguro, sasabihin ng iba na dapat ay magpasalamat na siya na inabot ng mahigit isang taon bago siya pinalitan ni Cree, na kasalanan din naman niya dahil alam naman niya kung ilang babae na ang nagdaan sa lalaki bago siya nakipag-relasyon dito. Ang babaeng pinalitan niya sa buhay nito ay halos isang taon din lang ang itinagal. Ilang babae na ang iniuwi nito pero wala itong pinakasalan-one giant red flag waving at her face, whuich she chose to ignore. Well, she fell in love, and when a woman was in love, her mind and her heart would be so disoriented that she would be so delusional and would always have this opinion that the man she loved would always stay beside her. Unfortunately, her man didn't share that opinion. She bit his lower lip, and stop her teeth just in time from making it bleed.

"Have you seen her? The new woman?"

Tumango si Rhys. "Kilala mo siguro siya..."

"Oh," she quipped bitterly. "Artista rin?"

Tumango uli si Rhys. "Trista Nicea."

"Trista," halos pabulong na pag-ulit niya sa pangalan. Kilala nga niya ito, pero hindi personal. Hindi niya ito nakasama sa anumang project noong aktibo pa siya bilang artista. Mas sikat ito sa kanya dahil nagbida na ito sa ilang pelikula. Pero nauna itong maging artista kaysa sa kanya at ang alam niya ay mas matanda ito sa kanya ng dalawa o tatlong taon siguro, so Trista was around twenty-six now. And if she would be honest, Trista was prettier and sexier and taller than her and unlike her who had a wholesome image, Trista's image was a temptress and a femme fatale-a more fitting partner for man like Cree.

Siya ang unang artistang naging girlfriend ni Cree, pangalawa si Trista. So, after her, Cree now had a taste for actresses? And she wondered how the two met? In a party Cree didn't tell her about? Cree loved parties, he loved socializing, most of the time he'd ask her to go with him, sometimes he wouldn't. But the irony was he hated social media. He didn't have any social media account, like Facebook, Instagram, or Messenger.

The personality people on social media put out is fake, Cree once told her. It's embellished and polished. Even their photos are filtered and edited. If you want to see how they really are, go meet them in real life. Social media is a mask you can't wear in real life. Everyone's in incognito mode on social media.

"She's a worthy replacement, at least," she said and smiled, again, bitterly. It hurt, of course. It would hurt in the next few days as it sank in slowly. But she was a warrior, she would defeat it and move on. She sipped on her iced tea, suddenly, it was tasteless, probably an omen of what would her life be in the next few weeks, and then she said, "Take me home, please. My bags are already packed, anyway."

Hindi sila nag-uusap ni Rhys habang inihahatid siya nito pabalik sa condominium. Hindi naman siya kailangang konsolahin ni Rhys sa pamamagitan ng mga salita, sapat na sa kanya na nakikita niyang malungkot ito para sa kanya. At kung may nakikita man itong pagkairita habang nagmamaneho, alam niyang para kay Cree iyon at sa ginawa nito sa kanya. At nagpapasalamat siya na naging matapat ito sa kanya.

Dumiretso siya sa balkonahe ng unit nila, naroon pa rin ang maleta at handbag niya, parang naiinip na sa pagbabalik niya, parang hindi na makapaghintay na umalis sa lugar na iyon. Hindi na rin siya makapaghintay na lisanin ang lugar na iyon pero hindi niya magagawa iyon kung magkasabay na nanlalata ang isip at pakiramdam niya.

She flopped down to the lounger near her and stared at the railing in front of her for she didn't know how long. When she glanced at the balcony's door, she saw Rhys standing just outside it, looking at her. Agad din itong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya at umalis. Parang lalong gusto niyang maawa sa sarili. Nangangamba ba si Rhys na baka tuluyan na siyang tumalon mula sa balkonahe kaya binabantayan siya nito?

She shook her head, she didn't think Cree was worth dying for. Tumayo siya sa upuan, lumapit sa handbag niya at kinuha roon ang cell phone niya bago siya tumayo sa tabi ng railing, tumanaw sa mga kalye sa ibaba, sa mga nagdaraang sasakyan, sa mga taong tumatawid bago huminga siya nang malalim at tinawagan si Cree. Sa pagkakataong iyon, kahit sa telepono ay makikipaghiwalay na siya rito.

It probably took a hundred rings before Cree answered.

"Hey, what's up?" he quipped.

"I'm leav-," she was interupted with something she heard.

"Cree, oh, God!"

It was the voice of a woman moaning.

"What is it?" Cree said.

"Sino yon?" usisa ni Vera.

"Cree, shit! Ooohh! Harder! Oohhh! That's it! Yes! So deep! So deep!"

Vera's eyes widened as she got a grasp of what was happening.

"You asshole!" she screamed in disgust on the phone. "You're fucking another woman as we speak!"

She heard him chuckle and her head wanted to burst in anger.

"She's on top of me, I told her to get off but she wouldn't," he explained.

"You've just confirmed that your soul is really rotten!"

"Not really," he said. "It's just that Rhys called me earlier and told me that you already know," he said. "So there's really no use in hiding this."

"Asshole!" she mumbled, gritting her teeth. "We're over!"

"Actually, these past few weeks, I was just waiting for the perfect timing to tell you that."

"Fuck you!" she screamed at him and threw the phone down the floor, breaking it into two. Then she faced the railing, gripped it with both hands while panting and stared down the streets. And she thought she could see a few people on the ground, looking at her, waving at her, shouting at her, urging her to-

-jump.

And suddenly, the thought of dying became thoroughly attractive to her. This would all be really over when she was dead-no more pain, no more hurting, no more asking why Cree treated her badly, no more explaining to people who cared for her on what happened, no more sleepless nights, no more tears burning her face, just silence, just peace.

She exhaled and climbed the railing and stood on it, her feet bracing the cold steel rail, looking at the ground below, around six hundred feet high, and without further ado, she jumped.