Record of Wrongs

Chapter 24.

Arielle

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then back at the tube of lipstick. It was a red shade, a lot bolder than what I was used to, but it was the only thing I packed for a time such as this.

Jax had asked me out on a date, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hiding in the bathroom to collect myself. I told him I needed to freshen up and I'm sure he thought I was in here adorning myself with oils and perfumes, maybe even a different outfit. But alas, here I was hiding in the only upstairs bathroom dabbing paper towels at my sweaty armpits.

I don't know why I was so nervous about this, it was Jax after all. However, the other part of my brain was saying "It's Jax" too but differently and more angrily. Even after all the therapy, there was a huge part of me that reminded me every day of what he did and what happened. It also reminded me that I couldn't allow myself to "fall" in love with Jax again without all the facts.

I couldn't go into another relationship with him blindly without knowing what was up ahead. I wanted to know what his plans were for the club, and how those plans would affect me and our children. I wanted to know if he planned to stay in Charming or if would he finally leave. Was he completely done with Tara or was he holding her at arm's length until I rejected him again?

I had all these questions yet no answers to any of them. I wanted to ask Jax all of them, but I also didn't want to ruin our date. I was being pulled in two different directions; one part of me wanted to hound him with questions and another part of me wanted the romance.

I kind of wanted the romance if I were being honest with myself, because our initial dynamic lacked so much of it. Romance only came when he was feeling lonely, rejected, or was apologizing for something. It was never pure with the intention of sweeping me off my feet, and I didn't want to ruin this for me.

However, simply chasing romance and ignoring questions that affected my children was not on the table and I knew that very well.

"Ari, are you almost finished in there?" I jumped at the sound of Gemma's voice on the other side of the door. Geez, how long have I been in here?

"Yeah, just a minute!" I hollered back. I threw all the used paper towels in the garbage can and wet my hands with some water to run through my frizzy hair. It didn't help much and I ended up putting my sun hat back on my head to contain some of the frizz.

When I swung the door open, Gemma looked at me with wide eyes. I could tell she was expecting some kind of major transformation and not to see me looking the same, except shiny from all the sweat.

"Oh honey," she said breathlessly.

"Is it that bad?" I groaned.

"No..." Gemma didn't meet my eyes, "You just look..."

"Like Hell?" I answered.

"I was going to say nervous. You seem nervous," Gemma walked into the bathroom and shut the door with me still inside. She walked up to the sink and held the red lipstick in her hand. "Nice color, why aren't you wearing it?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, I must've forgotten to put it on."

Gemma looked at me sympathetically and ordered me to sit down. She took the cap of the lipstick and started applying it to my lips. She wasn't full-on smearing it, more like dabbing it on my bottom lip.

"You know Jax thinks you're beautiful no matter what, right?"

"I know," I looked down sheepishly.

"Then what's going on with you?" Gemma finished applying my lipstick and leaned up against the door.