Record of Wrongs

Chapter 20.

Jax

"So...are you guys back together? Do you know what you guys are? Are you guys even a thing?" Opie looked confused as questions poured out of his mouth, and unfortunately, I didn't know how to answer any of his questions with the answer he was looking for.

"It's complicated," I said taking a drag from my blunt. It was the only answer I could think of because it was the truth. Ari and I were doing okay for the most part with whatever this was. Our current situation worked for her because there were no expectations. And a situation like this usually worked for me, or at least the old me.

However, I'd be lying if I said it also worked for me because the truth was I was struggling. I still slept on the couch, and besides sitting close to me or wishing me a good day, Ari and I didn't have an intimate relationship. I didn't want to come off as needy or selfish and completely ignore her boundaries, but I also recognized my loneliness and how our current arrangement was chipping away at me.

I was glad she was talking to me again, and sharing the little excitement she experienced throughout the day. But I missed her touch and being with her beyond what our current situation allowed.

Conversely, I didn't want to scare her off with how I felt, because addressing our feelings would open a door I didn't think Arielle was ready for. Addressing any feelings we had for each other right now would force us to talk about more serious matters like the divorce, the CIA, and the deal I made with her.

I didn't want her to feel like she would have to lie to get me to keep my word, because the most important thing for her was keeping our kids safe. I just wish she knew that was the most important thing for me too, and that I wouldn't change my tune on getting our kids out of Charming.

Opie chuckled beside me and took the blunt from my hand, "I think this is the first time I've seen you ever be upset with a complicated relationship."

I rolled my eyes even though Opie was right. I've never been good in any relationship, and Ari was no exception. But things were different now, I saw things differently than I did before. I no longer have the energy to ride around leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me. I wanted something real with Ari this time around, and I wanted her to realize that I'd do anything she asked to prove it to her.

"Dude just go home, it's obvious you want to," Opie nudged my shoulder and I smirked at his ability to read me.

"Thanks, man, I owe you one!" I said as I ran toward my bike. "No need, I was tired of dealing with your puppy dog face anyway, go bother Ari with that mess!" Opie yelled after me. I flicked him off as I rode away and went home.

I stopped on the way home to grab Ari some flowers to surprise her, because it felt weird going home empty-handed. However,  nothing seemed to be able to distract me from the nauseous feelings I had any time I went home. 

I'm always worried about what I do or say because I don't want the progress we've made to backtrack. I wanted this to work, so I knew I had to be on my P's and Q's.

I opened the door to find Ari inside the living room watching TV. She turned her head around to look at me and she smiled softly at me before turning her attention back to her show. I came up behind her and put the flowers in front of her and waited for her reaction. "What's the occasion?" she asked.

"Oh nothing, I just thought that you'd like them."

A smile spread over Ari's face and she put her nose near the flowers and inhaled their scent. "Well, then thank you, they're lovely." She took the flowers from my hand and got up from the couch. It was only then that I realized that she was wearing my clothes.