The night I wrote this, you held me tight, you hugged me, and were sweet, and then I remembered that it's been more than a year since I let any man hold me this hard.
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When you look at me with those eyes, I know, you know, no one says a thing. Maybe its because you don't want to hurt my feelings, and I keep asking cause it's easier if you break my heart now, or maybe it's not, I don't know.
I still like the way you see me though, even when those eyes have no feelings for me at all, even if they are waiting for the smallest mistake I make to go on with the next girl.
I still like the way you look at me. I like to stare into your soul, I hurt myself when I want to know even more, I keep knowing things about you hoping to find something to hold on and truly hate you.
I wish we both hadn't talked about the things we are more scared about, I hope tears don't show up when I leave, but you know I have soft skin.
If you keep holding me like that, i wont want to let go. Even though I have an expiration date and you too, I wish we could live the most of each other in the next three months.
I dont want to hold back because of time, I wish that was the only reason why.
You look at me like I'm the one in the wrong time, and that's what I hoped your eyes would be saying, but I know you don't think about It that way.
I don't make your heart go fast, I don't make you shiver, I dont make you miss me. I just look at you. I know your old soul, you are trying so hard to keep It away from everyone and its admirable.
I would like to be the one you protect, the one you look out for, the one you support when things are hard. I would like to know how It feels to be held like this regularly.
Meanwhile, I'll stock all my feelings in the back of my heart, I'll regret It everytime one of them runs away and shows itself.
I don't want to hear you say "I do too, but not in that way". I know all the bad things about myself, I am more hurtful to myself than what you could ever be, but I like you, so its true, maybe if I hear my truth in your mouth, some tiny part of me Will completely Crash.
You let me go too early to my house. We still had all night to Talk, to hug, to make me feel like my heart was going to explode. I'll pretend like I'm sleepy too. I'll pretend that it was actually late and not that you got tired of me and send me home.
I hate you. I hate the way that I always like the toxic, the imposible, the one who doesn't want any proximity.
I want to tell you about my real feelings, drop the fake numb me. Even though you dont believe it, playing the numbness is my BEST shot, cause if I show you the real me, It would be so late. I Will be too late not to have strong feelings for you when you hold me in your arms.
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I wrote this when It was already late, but I didn't know that. The following week I lost the fight when I looked at you when you had me moaning and thought 'I wish I could scream make me feel like you do when you cuddle with me'. And then I knew, cuddling was always going to be the best part about seeing you, it wasn't the sex anymore. It was always going to be the hour when I can pretend that we are something more than busy adults trying to be casual.
The only thing I blame you for, it's for enjoying all my feelings, for enjoying watching me slowly fall for you and pretend that it wasn't happening.
You were the one in control.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Referees don't fall in love.
कविताA collection of all the times I wrote to you, and all the things I should have said sooner. Some things are better left unsaid, some things are better left written. It's the good, the bad and the dirty.
