Referees don't fall in love.

I don't like you

I don't like you
I don't like the fact that all I care about is your opinion, and if you watch my stories, if you like the clothes I buy, if my tits are big enough and my brain too quirky for you to like it. It's been a long time since I've become this person. The one that cares so much about someone's thoughts.
I feel shallow sometimes, and I read the news, and I read books about the things that you like, I try to learn about your culture  and do all this stupid stuff.
Suddenly I just started to care if you see me. And then I wait, then I'm here, waiting to be the one that you choose tonight, the one that you call, the one that you talk to.
I try to convince myself that I only care cause I'm not used to rejection in this way, cause every guy that meets me wants to marry me, and I wish I was being narcissistic but you know I'm not. You are a challenge to my ego, a painful challenge, and that's all, I don't want to be stupid enough to just fall for you cause you seem to don't care about me.
I would rather spend my days thinking I'm another one of your bitches, and there's nothing special about me.
I would rather forget every time I want to tell you to just say fuck it to everything and date me till I'm gone, choose me just for two fucking months, love me a little and make me feel something till I'm gone. But I know you are not like that. No man is like that. When the timing is not right, they won't make it work just for you, they won't make time for you.
I know you don't think I'm worth just two months. And if you hear about this words ever, you will say "it's not that you are not worth it.." and then give some lame excuse, but you know I'm not the girl who likes the soft lie, the avoiding truth. I know the truth, even when you try to hide it with kind and loving words.
I don't want to be the idiot crying on the way home.
I wish I had the strength to not like you, to don't give af about you. I hate every time I tell you how much I hate that I like you, and you just say sorry. I feel a subtle pain every time it happens, it's like cutting your finger with paper, you are not dying but it's annoying.
Of all things you are annoying. I hate you so much, cause that's the closest thing to love.