Don't Leave Me Here (boyxboy)

Chapter 12 part 1

He scooted forward slightly towards Matias, though they were already close together.

Matias did his best to breathe normally, but his lungs ached with every few failed breaths.

"This will all pass, I promise" he continued to sooth him "you'll be okay. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be just fine"

Matias, though he had bigger problems at the moment, was ashamed by Samuel seeing him like this. Part of him was happy that he didn't have to constantly hide his feelings from Samuel, but the other part wanted to duck away and not let Samuel see him vulnerable ever again.

Samuel put his gentle hand on top of Matias's trembling one. His thumb traced shapes over his hand slowly, doing everything in his power to comfort Matias.

They sat there silently for multiple minutes. Matias, slowly but surely, calmed down a bit. His breathing was still rugged and he was still shaking a bit, but it was a massive improvement.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Samuel asked, breaking the silence.

Matias only stared up at Samuel briefly. He wasn't okay, but he couldn't tell that to Samuel. And he did want to talk about it, but did he even have the right to be upset about his own wrong doing?

Samuel waited patiently, not looking away from Matias for even a second.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, Matias" he whispered calmly

Matias still only stared up at him, his chest rising and falling at a weird pace.

When he first opened is mouth to say something, no words came out. He hadn't really realized how fucked up he was.

On his second try he managed to speak, but his voice was broken and quiet.

"the woman.. that I killed" he just barely muttered

He watched as Samuels eyes widened. A mix of care and concern went through his expression as he stared unspeaking back at Matias.

Matias forced himself to hold an unbearably long eye contact. He was on the verge of tears, water pooling in his eyes and threatening to drop out.

"Matias" Samuel spoke quietly "that's not your fault"

Matias bit his tongue.

"You were defending yourself. If you hadn't done what you did you'd probably be dead right now"

Samuel tightened his grip on Matias's shoulder.

"but.." Matias struggled, "but she didn't have to die"

His voice broke and a tear finally fell down onto his cheek. His lungs screamed at him as his breathing slowed down even more.

He stared up into Samuels entrancing eyes. He got trapped in his gaze, unable to look away.

"Oh Matias" he breathed

Samuels hand lifted itself off of Matias's shoulder, moving to his cheek. He wiped the singular tear gently with his thumb.

The feel of Samuels skin against his face sent jolts through his body. He felt cared for, which wasn't something he was particularly used to.

"There are plenty of times in high pressure situations where maybe there are other ways to get out of it, but when you're put in that position it's hard to make a decision" he advised

He paused for a long moment

"You know, police have to kill people all the time. Lots of times there are other ways to sort it out, but they just had to do what they thought was right in that split second decision"