The Official Douche Bag Travel Guide of Chad Barrington

Travel Tip #10: Get Lots Of Rest

     "Hello?" the other ended answered.

     "Peters," Chad said, as he recognized the voice, "Chad Barrington."

     "Mr. Barrington," Peters replied, "Nice to hear from you. I only left four messages on your phone."

     "I was very tired," Chad replied, "But I'm also on vacation, what the hell is going on over there?"

     "There's nothing going on here," Peters corrected him, "I thought we had agreed that Councillor Douche Bag was to be under the radar while on vacation. Do you not remember that part of our last conversation?"

      "Ah Crap," Chad said, waiting for the hammer to fall.

      "You've gone viral again," Peters answered, "Listen to this headline in the local paper: Councillor Douche Bag pawns Raging Rachel in Paradise."

     Chad let out a loud groan that was hard for the other side to miss. "If it's gone viral, that means I can't deny it."

     "There's video," Peters continued, "It shows you dodging her punch. What the hell did you do? It looks like she's trying to knock your head off."

     "It was a misunderstanding," Chad replied.

     "The video also showed you picking her up on your shoulders," Peters continued, "And then body slamming her into the pool beside you. I cannot find the words to emphasize how popular this video has become. It's gotten over ten million hits in less than twelve hours! This puts Councillor Douche Bag right back into the headlines, something I didn't want since you're still my attorney!"

     "Sorry about that," Chad said, "I've been trying hard to lay low."

     "Alright," Peters sighed, trying to calm down, "Just tell me... please tell me that really wasn't Rachel Jones."

     "I can't," Chad replied, "It was her."

     "Son of a bitch," Peters cussed on the other side, "Do you have any idea how much heat I'm getting from the feminists? They're angry because you're my lawyer. In their eyes you bullied a woman while she was trying to enjoy her vacation!"

     "I bullied her?" Chad repeated, "She's a mixed martial arts champion! No one bullies her, she bullies everyone else!"

     "I get it, she's tough." Peters conceded.

     "You have no idea how true that is," Chad said, pressing an ice pack to his arm.

     "You have to make peace with this Rachel," Peters suggested, "Bury the hatchet for my campaign."

     "Already ahead of you," Chad said, "We went out for dinner last night."

     "Wait a second," Peters interrupted, "You went on a date with Rachel Jones?"

     "Yes," Chad confirmed, "but when she sees that headline, I'm a dead man walking over here."

     "Just keep all future matches in private," Peters added, "The last thing I need is feminists accusing you of being domestically abusive."

     "Please," Chad denied, "She could steal my lunch money any day she wants. Trust me, I don't want to tussle with her again."

     "Fair enough," Peters said, "And try to stay low. No reporters and no questions about anything. Are we clear?"

     "Crystal," Chad answered, stealing a line from the manager.

     "Goodbye, douche bag." The future mayor said before hanging up.