strawberry fields | bada lee

013 | harbor for this illusion

Bada wrapped her arms around your waist, and your head lay on her shoulders as you hesitated for a few seconds. Ultimately, you allowed yourself to envelop her in return.

The room was quiet, with only the sounds from the television filling the space. The way Bada held you was gentle- her actions spoke for her. It was something simple, yet it made you think about how unusual this level of physical closeness was for you. You were not used to physical contact; you only hugged your friends on birthdays or other special occasions. It dawned on you how much you had been longing for this- how much you craved the simple comfort of human connection.

You had just met her, but the desire to feel her even closer intensified, and you desperately wanted a stronger bond with her- you wanted to know more about her, you wanted her to know more about you, you wanted to show her the kindness she had shown you. It was not just about wanting to be physically closer, you wanted something deeper.

"Y/N." Her voice broke the silence. Her breath brushed against the side of your cheek.

You responded with a quiet "Mhm?"

"Can we stay like this a little longer?" Bada asked quietly.

"Of course, Bada." You said, smiling.

You allowed the hug to become something more intimate. Slowly, you got closer, your body nearly melding with hers. Bada's touch was delicate, her fingers tracing gentle circles on your back. It was as if time had slowed down, and that is when you realized that this felt like it transcended a mere friendship.

With your eyes closed and as your body relaxed, you surrendered to the intimacy of the moment. However, within these feelings, a knot of confusion began to turn in your stomach- you wondered whether these feelings were just a result of wanting someone to care for you, and Bada cared.

"Bada." You whispered, and she gently pulled away, her arms still loosely around you. "Never mind." Doubt clouded your thoughts, and you feared saying too much. You did not want to ruin this or have Bada assume you were the type of girl who developed feelings for anyone who treated them with decency.

"What's wrong?" She asked, worried about your sudden change of mind. "Did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry- I just wanted to know how it feels to hug you."

"How it feels?" You repeat her words, seeking clarification.

"In the morning, when I saw how you looked wearing my jersey, I wanted to hug you, but I couldn't." Bada said. "That's why I only pulled you close. When I noticed you were tense, I thought you didn't want to be hugged."

"I was just nervous." You admitted, trying to explain. "Physical closeness with friends isn't something I'm used to."

Bada's reaction was subtle but unmistakable, as her eyes seemed to widen ever so slightly, as though your words had triggered something within her. The intense desire to be hugged by Bada once more had taken over your senses- it was overwhelming.

"Bada, could you..." Your voice failed you, but your pleading eyes told her what you could not- you needed that inexplicable comfort she seemed to provide.

She did not think about it- she just complied. Bada slightly lifted you- so your legs dangled over hers, her head resting atop yours. At that moment, you felt safe, and it was everything you needed.

"Anytime you need a hug, I am here for you." She murmured. "And if, by any chance, I ever cross a line or make you uncomfortable, let me know."

Vulnerability had overtaken you, compelling you to cling to her shirt. "It's been years." You whispered, just enough for Bada to hear your words. "Years since someone held me like this." You felt the sincerity in her touch, and it exposed feelings you had long buried.

"There's no need to miss that anymore." She said while patting your back. "I'm here now."

The question that was lingering in your thoughts for some time found its way out. "Are you like this to anyone?"

Bada separated from the hug, allowing your legs to rest atop hers, and she looked at you. "No." She replied honestly. "I don't know why I am like this with you."

As you watched her pause to gather her thoughts, you felt a sense of anticipation building.

"The moment I met you." She began. "Even though I was just a stranger, you allowed me to spend time with you- now, knowing your story about continuing to study Italian because you wanted to see the strawberry fields, it makes me feel even more special. Every time we spend time together, I don't want the day to end." As she spoke, her voice was filled with tenderness. "You're such a sweet girl, like no one I've ever met."

You were curious, and now, every word that left Bada's lips made you want to hear more of her voice telling what she thought of you. As you both gazed into each other's eyes, it felt as if Bada was on the edge of saying something more. You eagerly leaned in, waiting for her to say it.

And then it happened- your phone rang, shattering the aura like a hammer against glass. The frustration welled up inside you, but you quickly reached for your phone- your mother's contact flashed on the screen, and you answered the call with a forced smile, telling her you would call her back in a few seconds. Why did she have to choose this very moment to call?

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." You apologized as you got up from Bada's bed. "Let me call her. I'll be right back." The sense of urgency in your voice was unmistakable.

You were dying on the inside, embarrassed and irritated was an understatement. You moved quickly toward the room's exit as you dialed the number. Bada, on the other hand, was secretly thankful, as the phone call provided a temporary escape from expressing how she felt- Bada knew there was something unspoken between you two.

"Don't worry about it, doll." She reassured you. However, her words were partially unheard, as you had already reached the door. You hoped you had heard her right, even though the frustration made it impossible to focus on anything else.