strawberry fields | bada lee

011 | melt your headaches, call it home

Bada and you settled into your seats at opposite ends of the table, waiting for your food, a Neapolitan pizza, and a pitcher of aranciata for the two of you. The conversation flowed as you talked about Bada's high school days.

Bada told you she was a lot of people's crush, but she did not know why. You playfully asked, "C'mon, Bada. You're tall, pretty, and athletic. What else do people need to like you?"

"Ah... I don't know. What about you?" Bada asked curiously. "Did anybody have a crush on you in high school?"

"Nope, not even in college. I guess I'm not everyone's cup of tea." You told her, with a hint of shyness. "I mean, in college, I had a little something with a..."

You were about to continue your sentence when the waiter interrupted, arriving at your table with the pizza and the pitcher. You felt relieved by the interruption, as you were not sure how Bada would react to your story.

"I'll cut the pizza while you serve the drinks." Bada indicated, grabbing a knife and fork. She seemed interested in hearing more as she giggled and encouraged you to continue talking.

You took a deep breath and admitted. "I had a little something with a girl." Bada's eyes widened in surprise, and you felt a slight knot in your stomach as you served the drinks.

"How was it? Or were you just bi-curious?" She inquired, making you laugh at the way she asked it.

"I've always known I liked girls; that was just the first time I had anything with anyone." You explained while handing her a glass of aranciata. "We didn't do much together."

"I also like girls, if you didn't notice." Bada joked, and it suddenly became more apparent. "I guess girls are more shy when expressing their feelings or doing things together. I remember the first time I had something with a girl- we were both young and shy, and just like you said, nothing really happened. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was seventeen."

As Bada handed you a slice of pizza, you took a bite, savoring the salty cheese, while observing her reaction- she clearly enjoyed it.

"Well, it's a bit embarrassing, but my first kiss was when I was in college when I was 21." You confessed. "And it was with that same girl."

"Cute." She said with her mouth half-full, momentarily covering her mouth as she spoke again. "Who would've guessed? You're so pretty, and surprisingly, you haven't had anything more serious. I'd have thought you had a lot of people interested in you."

Feeling embarrassed, you took a sip of your drink and continued eating. Bada's honesty and her labeling of your experience as 'cute' left you feeling even shyer.

"Cute?" You questioned.

"I don't know." She said. "It seems like you were waiting for the right person to be your first love." She was absolutely right.

You bit the inside of your cheek while you looked at her. Bada seemed to have struck a nerve with that comment, and your whole demeanor had changed. Bada began to suspect that maybe your conversation the previous day had not been just about friendships- perhaps this girl had also betrayed you.

"Sorry, we can change the subject if you want." Bada proposed, realizing she had touched on a sensitive topic. "I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"It's okay. I think it's time I let it out." You sighed, sipping on your drink. "I won't go into details- I trusted her with everything, but she didn't care about me. It seemed like she only wanted me to experiment."

You avoided making eye contact, and it was silent as both ate. Bada waited patiently, giving you a few seconds before you spoke again.

"She had a boyfriend while she 'was' with me." You said, using air quotes, and Bada's jaw dropped. "Yup. I still haven't tried anything with anyone because I'm still learning how to trust again, I guess."