My Mcfamily, my Mclife

18.

TW.

Meredith.

Derek's mother just arrived a few days ago and she's practically running the place. Not that I'm complaining.

She cooks, she cleans, she helps with the kids. The kids love spending time with her and she treats me like I'm sick.

It's kind of nice though. Unlike Derek she lets me work and she's not too annoying and with Derek not feeling like he has to take care of me we can spend more time with each other.

"Meredith, I stopped doing this," Derek says as he rolls up the sleeve of my arm whilst I was asleep, looking at my scars.

"I did," I say pulling them back down. "Some of those are still healing, one or two look like they could be recent," he says.

"It's nothing. Go back to sleep," I say as it's still the middle of the night.

"Do you still do it, how often, when do you do it?" He asks.

"I already told you I don't do it anymore! Go back to sleep," I groan.

"Meredith, don't lie. I can tell my these that they aren't old. Why do you still do it?" He says.

"Because I want to kill myself, can I go back to sleep now?" I say.

"Are you just saying that or are you serious?" He says.

"Whatever means I get to go back to sleep, you should sleep too. You have to take Ellis to the doctor. I can't go because I have surgery," I say.

"Yeah, I know. Tell me why you still do this Mer, is it because of me? The first time was because of me," he says.

"Yes Derek, the world really does revolve around you, now go to sleep and we can talk about this in the morning," I say.

"Fine, but you're sleeping with me," he says pulling me into his him so my back is against his chest.

"As long as you're quiet," I say as I start to fall asleep.

"Okay," he whispers kissing my cheek.

**********

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Derek moving around the bedroom. when I open my eyes I see him going through my nightstand drawer.

"Derek, what are you doing?" I ask sitting up and leaning against the soft headboard.

"I'm looking for the blades you use for your arm," he says rummaging through everything.

"Derek, it's not in there. You're never going to find it," I say tiredly as I rub my eyes.

"I already found your razer blades," he says. "Seriously Derek? I'm a surgeon, do you really think I'm going to cut my wrists with a razor blade? I still use the same scalpel and you're not going to find it anyway, just give up," I say getting out of bed.

"Meredith, come here," he says. I sigh and turn around to face him. "What is it?" I say. he walks so he's stood in front of me.

he rolls up the sleeves of my nightshirt and holds my forearm in his hand. he stares at the cuts that start from my wrist and goes down to my inner elbow.

"How have I not noticed these until now?" he asks softly while staring at them. "Because you never cared to notice," I say pulling my arm away and fixing my sleeve before going into the bathroom.

once I'm dressed, I leave the bedroom and see that Ellis is already awake and playing in the living room.

"Good morning Ellie, are you hungry?" I ask her as I make my way into the kitchen. "Yes, Mama," she says as she continues to play with her dolls.

I go into the kitchen and start up breakfast. a few minutes later I hear the bedroom door open before closing.

I hear Derek say good morning to Ellis before coming into the kitchen and standing next to me. "Do you need any help?" he whispers in my ear before kissing the side of my head.

"No, I'm fine," I say flipping the pancake. I notice his eyes linger on the long gloves that cover my arms. the gloves don't cover all of them so the rest of them I covered with makeup.

"I'm sorry, Mer," he says. I take a deep breath to hold back a sob. "Why are you sorry?" I say.

"For making you feel like you have to do that," he says. "Not everything is about you Derek, I told you this wasn't about you," I say blinking away the tears forming in my eyes.

"last time it was. I don't know what could have started this back up again. you were doing so well, everything was going to well, we were going great," he says. the more he talks the more I feel like I've failed everything.

"It doesn't matter anymore. go wake up Zola and Bailey for me please," I say hoping he'll just leave and stop talking.

"Alright, I love you so much," he says. he kisses my cheek before walking away and leaving the room to wake up the rest of the kids.

I wipe both of my eyes before I finish off the rest of the pancakes. I rip them up into little pieces and plate them. I pour some syrup over them before bringing them to the table.

"Ellis, your food is ready," I say. she leaves her toys in the living room and comes into the dining area. she sits at the table and starts eating.

I pour some juice into a cup before bringing it to her. I go back into the kitchen and start making the rest of the breakfast.

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Suggestions??

Should I make Mer get super depressed???🤭🤭