My Mcfamily, my Mclife

11.

tw: self harm

I leave the room and walk into the kitchen. "What are you talking about Meredith?" Derek says.

"Don't act like she didn't answer the phone after you kissed her," I say.

"she told you?" He says. "Yes why didn't you tell me? I had to find it out from her? When the hell is your problem!" I yell.

"Meredith, I didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything, she kissed me and I missed you and you weren't there and..." he says.

"No, its not that I wasn't there, it's you were somewhere else, you wanted to go so you went, that's on you not me," I say.

"I'm not blaming you. I missed you and I didn't notice how much I missed you until she kissed me and after the kiss I realized what I had done and I didn't even know until after the damage was done... it wouldn't have done any good if I told you so I thought it would be better off if you didn't know. I realized then that I didn't want to job and that you and the kids are more important so I left and moved on," he says.

"Well you thought wrong. I've been living in this house with you and the kids thinking one day you would tell me the truth but you never did... I can't believe you could do this to your own family, the family you practically begged to have.. you broke up with me because I wasn't ready and dated someone else to make me jealous and so I would become ready and I finally give you what you want and then you just leave it all for some woman you hardly even know?" I say with tears building in my eyes.

"Meredith... I.. I don't know what to say," he says. "Then don't say anything, just leave," I say.

"When do you-" he says. "I don't want you to ever come back, leave," I say.

He stares at me for a few seconds before he does as I say and leaves the house.

***

I get back from work and picking up Zola from school. Derek wasn't at the hospital and he his car wasn't parked in the lot.

I unbuckled the kids and helped them out. I took Ellis out of her car seat and take her inside. Zola and Bailey go upstairs to get changed.

I take Ellis into her nursery and change her diaper. I change her clothes and pick her up again. I take her into the living room again.

I lay her in the bassinet in the living room and turn around to go into the kitchen. that's when I see Derek standing at the front door.

I ignore him and go into the kitchen and start dinner. Derek walks into the kitchen and stands at the counter while I'm standing by the stove.

"did you eat today?" he asks. I ignore him and continue what I'm doing.

"Meredith, you have to talk to me eventually," he says. "No, I don't," I say. "you knew the entire time while I was home?" he asks.

"yes, why, are you going to call your mistress and flee back to D.C. for when she goes into labor with your baby?" I say.

"Meredith-" he says. "you know, I should have seen this coming. it's like that saying 'how they get you is how they leave you' I say, grabbing plates from the cabinets.

"Meredith, what you and I had when I was married to Addison is nothing like what happened in D.C." he says.

"is that what you told Addison when you two were trying to fix things, were you married to another woman when you met her, or was she married to mark and that's why she slept with him eleven years in?" I say going into the dinning room and setting the table.

"Meredith... Addison and I were never meant to be and I didn't know what true love was until I met you," he says.

"you mean until you met, what's her name... Renee?" I say. "Meredith-" he says. "you know, I actually always like the name Renee, since I was a kid because I really like Renee Zellweger, but now that name is ruined for me, you ruined that name... and I can't believe I actually considered that name when we-and I mean I was thinking of names for Ellis. and of course you had to kiss a woman with the name I was genuinely considering naming our daughter, or will she be my daughter when you file for a divorce to live with the beloved Renee whatever the hell her last name is!" I say.