The Fan Gay (Cate Blanchett)

Chapter 46

I closed the front door harder than planned, gripping the crumpled shit of envelope. I read it all over again and again, a couple more times; I have to process every piece of words that is written here.

Meet me. Not tell her. The kids. Edith.

I paced the living room, my mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. Each word in that ominous envelope was like a fucking dagger, making my already nervous feelings worse. It was obvious that something terrible might happen. If I'm going to be frank, it's already happening, and I couldn't pretend that at this very moment, I feel like I'm going to die.

So I ripped it out.

Tore it into a million pieces, each rip of this stupid paper taking out my raging fear and desperate anger. Everything was suddenly reduced to shreds. But no matter how many times I tore it, the words were already printed into my head, an unrelenting reminder that this fuck, whoever was behind this, would do anything to destroy me.

And suddenly, instantly, I just throw everything on the chimney.

I fed the torn paper into the crackling fireplace; my hands never trembled like this before. I was so clouded with everything I didn't know what I was doing anymore until I realized I was watching the paper turning into ashes, taking the threats with it, as if what I'd done already solved everything.

"What are you standing over there?" Cate's voice suddenly echoed around the room, making me flinch in surprise. I looked at her, and she smiled at me, not knowing what terrifying thing I had just discovered. Again. "You woke me up just to stare in that fire?"

With my hands in my chest, I look over her, trying to cover up my fear in my eyes. "I-I just suddenly felt cold," I reasoned while I watched her approach in my direction. "I went outside, and it's a bit chilly."

"Yeah?" She asked and pulled me into a hug. "...Maybe we can do something to warm you up," Cate whispered playfully, her lips brushing against my ear.

I tried to laugh off my unease and slap her arm, "Blanchett..."

"What? I'm just talking about coffee," She innocently replied, "or hot chocolate, hot soup," Then, Cate continued again, yet this time, with a deeper and huskier voice, "hot sex..."

Both of us heartedly laugh together. When it subsided, I pulled away and smiled at her. A genuine smile that comes with gladness and not fright. I leaned in and pecked a kiss over her lips, "Let's just make breakfast."

The morning carried on with an air of normalcy, or at least as much normalcy as I could muster under the situation. Ignatius, Roman, and Edith soon finally woke up. Their energy wasn't that exciting like every morning they wake since these three are a bit of a morning hater. I mean, they're just like some normal kids do.

As the children finally settled in the dining table, obviously both still lazy and sleepy, Cate and I prepared them their breakfast, which made me, thankfully, busy and distracted for the moment. Well, that didn't last because while everyone was chatting and finally digging into their plates, that's where I found myself quietly lost in thoughts.

When the time to take them to school approached, a new thought occurred to me. Instead of Cate driving them to school, I felt a more sudden urge and need to take them to school myself.

"Elíse," I called her out. It almost sounds like I actually didn't plan to. Sitting on the chair with my empty plate, I looked at her with my head still away from reality.

"Hmm?" She asked, and there she pulled me out of my thoughts again. Cate looked over me, waiting, "Something in my face?"

I shake my head, "No, no. Uhm, would you mind if I take the kids to school today?" I asked, letting go of the words as fast as I could. "I just... want to drive them for their last day."