𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚎(𝙰𝙲𝙾𝚃𝙰𝚁)

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖞-𝖘𝖎𝖝

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

song of the chapter: a pearl by mitski

"sorry I don't want your touch. it's not that I don't want you."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I was sitting in the sitting room with a book when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, accompanied by hushed voices.

I perked up, getting off the couch and going to the doorway. Az, Cassian, and Morrigan were all trying to quietly get out the door.

"Where are you all going?" I questioned. They jumped, turning to face me. Mor's face filled with relief when she saw me.

"We're going to Rita's," she explained in a whisper. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Why are you sneaking?" I demanded.

"Because Eve would want to go," Azriel mumbled, a bit of guilt flashing on his face. I snorted.

Az never got to go to Ritas because he insisted on staying behind with Eve, who wasn't allowed to go. While we tried to downplay it, Eve really did have an issue with abusing alcohol.

"Can I come?" I wondered. They all exchanged a glance.

"Um, Raea, are you sure you're ready for that?" Az asked me, concern on his face. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "Please? I want to get back to my normal life."

"I don't think life will be normal for a while," Cassian admitted. "For any of us." I grimaced, knowing he was right. With the potential war coming up.

"I'm coming with you," I decided.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The wine at the bar was very welcoming. While the others were dancing, I sat there, drinking. I glanced over as a male sat down next to me. I tensed.

"I'll buy your next drink," he offered. I stared at him, unsure of what to say. He was blonde, pretty grey eyes.

"You don't have to do that," I promised him, shaking my head.

"Come on, I insist," he smiled. His smile was sweet.

Maybe he was a kind male. Possibly, he would buy me a drink, and we'd talk. Maybe we'd even dance together.

Or he would expect me to go home with him and lash out when I denied him. Or he would say he was going to walk me home, then force himself upon me when we were far away from everyone.

The thought alone made my heart beat out of my chest. I felt my breathing speed up against my will.

"No," I said, more forcefully this time.

"That's fine," he smiled again. "I'll see you around."

I nodded, quickly getting off the stool I was sitting on. It was too loud. My brain was moving too fast, my heart was pounding too hard. It was too crowded. It was so hot in here. I began pushing past the crowd until I was outside.

I gasped in relief, collapsing onto a bench. I hid my face in my hands as I tried to stop my body from trembling.

"Astraea?"

I glanced up at Morrigan, who was staring at me in concern. I bit my quivering lip and grabbed her hand. I needed someone to hold on to.

"Hey, you're okay," she promised, sitting next to me. I nodded. I knew I was okay.