No one has to know

Chapter 54

Catherine awoke in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. After awhile, she decided to take a walk. She gently lifted Bash's arm off of her and pulled her robe on.

As she was strolling down the corridors, she passed John's room and heard him cry. She went inside to make sure he was okay. When she opened the door, Francis was there. He picked him up and started to quiet him. He rocked him and started talking to him. Catherine smiled at the sight.

"Shhh, it's alright." he cooed. Catherine stepped back so she wouldn't be seen. She didn't want to ruin it. "Now what do you have to cry about?" He started pacing the room, gently bouncing him. "You think you have worries now, wait until you're older...Hopefully you won't have the same worries I do." he paused for a moment, he hadn't said it out loud yet and it was a struggle, even if John didn't understand. "I killed my father, and no one knows." Catherine's hand immediately went to cover her mouth as she stepped further into the shadows. "Holding it all in, keeping to myself, it's an impossible feat. But if Mary or Mother knew, if anyone knew, it would put us all in danger. I wish I knew how to fix this." Catherine's hand slid down from her mouth to land on her chest, as she swallowed hard. She took a deep breath and quietly backed out of the room.

She walked back to her room in a fog. No wonder Francis had been so distant. Even before he'd found out about her and Bash, something had been off. Now she understood. What was she supposed to do with this information? Should she tell Francis that she knows? She wouldn't want him to think she'd been spying on him. Not to mention, he was right. What she now knew, could put them all in danger.

When she finally made it back to her room, she sat down in a chair and watched Bash sleep. How was she supposed to keep this from him? They had promised each other there'd be no lies and no secrets, and what a secret this was. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. And poor Francis. Having to shoulder what he'd done all alone. The guilt must be eating him away. A tear fell from her eye and splashed off her hand. She hadn't realized she'd started crying. The sound of her sniffing was enough to stir Bash out of his sleep. He ran his hand over her side of the bed, realized she wasn't there and slowly blinked his eyes open.

"Catherine?" He rolled over and realized she was crying. "Is everything alright?" he asked as he made his way across the room to her. He kneeled down in front of her and started wiping her tears off her face. She shrugged it off and wiped the remainder of them away herself.

"I'm fine. I...I just had a nightmare." she lied. "I'm fine now." she shot him a fake smile.

"It must have been some nightmare." he said. "Want to talk about it?"

"No. No it's really fine." she started to get back up. "Let's go back to bed."

Bash knew something wasn't right, but decided the middle of the night wasn't the right time to push the subject, especially since Catherine needed her rest. "Alright. If you're sure." he said.

"I am." she answered. They laid down and she rolled on her side facing away from him. She stared at the wall as he put his arm back around her. What was she going to do?

The next day, she was sitting at her desk attempting to write out Kenna's chores for the day, but simply couldn't think of a single thing. Her mind was too busy replaying what she'd heard the night before. She crumbled up the piece of paper that said nothing but Kenna's name and threw it into the fire. She put her head in her hands in frustration, making a grumbling noise as her forehead made contact with her palms. This was going to drive her mad. Mad just like Henry. Henry. Francis killed him. She still couldn't wrap her mind around it. Francis had been the one to keep her and Mary from doing the very same thing. He'd been firm on the fact that Henry could be saved...and then he...it just didn't make sense. Unless...had he seen what had happened at the joust? Yes, that must be it. Catherine had almost vomited herself at the site of Henry putting his hands on Mary. He had good reason to finish him. But even with good reason, he must be hurting. She wished she could do something for him. But how could she if she can't tell him she knows.

She was deep in thought when Kenna came in. She did a curtsey.

"Your Majesty, what can I do for you today?" she asked.

"Nothing. Causing you misery takes planning, and I'm just not in the mood. I would rather just be left alone today." she said.

"I hope everything is alright. This doesn't have anything to do with last night does it?" she asked.

"No. As I've said, I'm just not in the mood. Now, if you would please stop pestering me." she gestured for her to leave.

"If that's what you wish." she started to leave but paused. "If there's anything I can do to help...I mean I know you probably don't want my help, but I...well if you decide you do. Anyway, I hope you feel better." she said quietly and walked out. Catherine looked after her for a moment curiously.

'How odd.' she thought. 'She probably just thinks it'll get her out of this mess...but she actually seemed sincere. But why would she care if I was sick or not?' she shook off the thought, the memories of last night once again taking over her mind.

As Kenna came out of the room, she bumped into Bash.

"I don't see a list in your hand." he joked.

"She didn't give me one." she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She said she wasn't in the mood. She was acting strangely, almost like I'd interrupted her, but she was just...sitting there." she said and then walked away.

Bash opened the door and peeked inside. Catherine was sitting staring out the window, a pained look on her face. He closed the door again. He was worried that she was getting worse and not telling him. Asking her wouldn't do any good. She'd only deny it. He decided he would just have to keep a closer eye on her, but he would need help with that...so he went to talk to Mary.