The Ruler Has Returned (R18)

CHAPTER 45

"Our second child didn't make it..."

Nakakabinging katahimikan ang pumagitna sa amin at sa reaction niya ay para siyang naubusan ng dugo. Napaawang lamang ang kanyang mapupulang labi.

"Keith..." mahinang bulong ko. Hindi ko mapagtanto kung ang reaction ba niya ay nabigla o kung galit.

I squeezed his hands more. At mukhang natauhan siya sa aking ginawa. Dahan dahan siyang napatingin saakin. He is just staring at me with a blank face.

He inhaled deeply as he closes his eyes and let go of a deep sighed. Napatingin uli siya sa mukha ko.
"Why did you just told me this?" Seryoso niyang tanong. "Have you been keeping this for me for so long?"

Nakikita ko ang pagkadismaya sa kanyang mukha. He also looked like he's mad deep inside sa naging reaction niya.

I let go of his hands.

"Nancy, is this why you are so frightened of getting pregnant again?" Kalmado niyang tanong.

He looked angry but his voice is so calmed. He's probably trying not to get mad at me trying to keep his temper down and probably trying to understand why I kept it from him all this time. Ibang iba sa Keith na kilala ko noon. Ang keith na walang patience konting kibot lang ay nagagalit na agad. The Keith who wants to be the dominant. This man really changed... a lot.

Napayakap ako sa sarili. "Oo..." iyon lang ang tanging nasagot ko. I can't think of anything to answer right now, my mind is blank.

"Fuck!" Sinuntok niya ang kama.

Napabalikwas ako sa gulat at naiyak. He's mad. He's really mad at me from keeping it from him. I should of expected this going to happen.

He slapped his forehead slightly. "Why did I fucking let you suffer alone! Fuck!" Bulong niya sa sarili pero naririnig ko ito.

Prente lang akong nakatitig sa kanya. Tiningnan niya ako. His eyes are red. He is trying his best not to show vulnerability on me. "Nans, Im sorry for not being there with you when it all happened." Napalingo-lingo siya. "I am so disappointed on myself. I am fucking useless! I'm worthless!" Singhal niya.

"Wala akong kwentang ama! I don't deserve you, I don't deserve our daughter!." Tumulo na ang kanyang luha na kanina pa niya pinipigilan.

He stood up at nagsisisigaw. "FUCCKK! FUCKKKK! IM FUCKING WORTHLESS!" He grabbed the decor on the table at itinapon niya iyon tumalsik kahit saan.

He's about to get the vase ng pinigilan ko siya. I hugged his back tightly and started crying. "Keith.. enough." Salita ko habang humahagulhol. I cannot see him like this. He's devastated and broken.

"Tama na..."

Napatigil siya. I can hear him crying. "Nancy, I don't deserve you and our children." Hingal niyang sabi. "You can dumped me. I am useless garbage father of our kids."

Mas lalo ko pang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa kanya. "No... no you are not! It was my fault." Mas lalo akong napahagulhol. "It was me. I killed our second child. Blame me." Gumaralgal ang boses ko.

He loosen my gripped on him and turn around to face me. "Don't say that. It was me for not being there with you. I was not even around when you also had chan-chan. You suffered so much because of me."

He pulled me closer to him. "I think this is enough of me hurting you over and over." Nakikita ko ang pumapatak niyang luha, mas lalo tuloy akong nasasaktan pag nakikita siyang ganito, he looked so miserable.

"I am sorry for what I have done to you, Nans." Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong balikat. "I don't deserve you. You deserve all the happiness in the world." Anas niya.

Malumay ang kanyang mga mata. "I sucked aren't I." Napatawa siya. "I sucked and I am the worse of the worst! I don't deserve a perfect girl like you."

Tiningnan niya ako ng matiim puno iyon ng kalungkutan at pagsisisi. "You deserve better. Better than a guy like me."

"W-what do you mean by that?" Lakas loob kong tanong.

I deserved better? Is he going to leave me again? Ito na nga ba ang kinatatakutan ko. Iiwanan na naman niya ako kagaya noon. Pero noon I shoot him away dahil gusto ko siyang magkaroon ng magandang buhay na dapat ay matagal na niyang nakamtan. Then he cameback a completely different person however I can still see the Keith Ive known before. Ang Keith na minahal ko. And now, he's gonna leave again?

He gonna disappear like what he did few years ago. I can still remember all the memories from what had happened after he left. I suffered so much from being a single parent. My daughter grew up without knowing her father up till now. Tapos ngayon iiwanan niya kami ulit? Ngayon pa na kilala na siya ng anak ko. Na nahulog na ulit ako sa kanya? I cannot accept it. Hindi ko kayang mawala ulit siya saakin. Saamin ng anak ko.

"Keith. Please... dont leave me again..." pumiyok pa ako.

Nagsisimula na namang tumulo ang mga luha ko. I have to tell him my feelings. I don't wanna hide anything from him anymore.

Matamlay akong nakatayo sa harap niya. I probably looked so ugly right now from all the crying I had and now I am crying again. "Don't leave me, Keith..." I sobbed. "I need you..."

Walang emosyon lang siyang nakatingin saakin. Bakit wala man lang siyang ka reaksyon. Wala ba siyang pakialam sa mga pinagsasasabi ko?

Dahan dahan siyang lumalapit saakin. Kinuha niya ang dalawa kong kamay at hinawakan iyon ng mahigpit. 
I looked at him straight in the eyes. "Please. Dont leave. Hindi ko kaya." Makaawa ko.

"You deserve better. Nans. I have been always a headache to you. Wala na akong ginawang tama puro nalang pasakit ang ibinigay ko sayo. But look at you, you still love me and still cared for me. I am not worthy of your love."

Mas lalo akong napahagulhol. "K-keith...please...no..."

"I love you. I don't care if you're not with me when all of those happened. Nakaya ko naman iyon lahat. I survived it. I learnt a lot of lesson and I am going to apply it to be a better person to be a better mother."

I pulled him over and hugged him tight. "I want you by my side now. Let's moved on from the past and start over again. Let's start a new chapter of our life with our  kid."

He hugged me back. "I love you too." he whispered.

"No one is deserving of my love. Just you, Keith."

Mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap saakin.
"I don't deserved you, but I will do my best whatever it takes to deserve you my love." Salita niya while hugging me tightly.

Kumalas siya and looked at me in the eyes. Namilog ang mga mata ko ng dahan dahan siyang lumuluhod.

Oh.my.god.

Natikom ko ang bibig.