The summer when I met you

I love you

Yoohyeon's Pov

"I believe you," I finally dared to look at her, tears streaming down her cheeks, and it hurts to see that. "I believe you, please don't cry, okay?" I reach out to touch Minji's cheek, trying to wipe away the tears, not wanting her to cry. It's so unfamiliar to see tears in those green eyes. I truly believe her words. I want to believe, but something inside me has been torn apart, and I refuse to accept it all. I just don't want to. I don't want it anymore. And I say, perhaps for the last time, what I have to say to her. It's too much. It's too much.

I rise on wobbly legs and walk towards the building. Jiu seems to be saying something, but the words slip away from my subconscious, as if I can't listen anymore, can't comprehend. I'm overwhelmed. Overflowing with emotions, and at the same time, I feel an endless void. How strange. Strange! I keep walking, climbing the stairs. She doesn't follow me anymore. I know. I can feel it.

Then I can, I can... No, no, don't you dare cry. Why? It's done, it's all been said. It's over. I enter the locker room, the girls are already getting ready. Sua approaches me, placing a hand on my shoulder. She asks something with a concerned expression, but I don't understand. I can't hear, and suddenly it breaks through! Once again, I swallow the nasty lump, but I can't hold back anymore, and tears betray me, dropping from my eyes. I try to stop, but I can't anymore. I cry. I sob hysterically. I gasp for breath and break down. Oh God, I'm losing my mind. It's been so long since I cried this much. Sua tenderly pulls me closer, whispering comforting words, and I keep sobbing, unable to control myself. In my mind, there are no terrifying thoughts, and clarity sets in. Fearful, yet deceiving. But my soul feels heavier and heavier. Sua patiently waits, holding me tighter in her embrace. Even Handong, who is right here, stays silent, not asking any questions, only gently stroking my head. I've become nothing more than an object of pity. How sad. The last thing I want is pity. Tears alone are not a sign of weakness. After all, no one sees them. They're only for me. But pity... it's pity. I don't need it. I didn't ask for it, it just happened. All these emotions compel me to calm down, regulate my breathing, and remove my tear-stained face from Sua's embrace.

"Forgive me," I exhale, feeling suffocated.

"Silly, what are you apologizing for?" Sua reassures me. "If something like this happened to me, I don't know how I would have reacted."

Happened? What happened to me that they could know about? Or do they know about Jiu? How? Suais certainly aware, but not in such detail. Who could have told them? Who? Siyeon, well, even she doesn't know everything, if I believe Jiu. Jiu! Of course, someone overheard our conversation. Of course, there can't be any other explanation. What will happen now?

"Yes, Siyeon came just in time, thank goodness for her!" Handong rambles, gradually resembling her usual self, and everything becomes clear in my mind. Someone else's hands, her scent, the gleam in her eyes. The gleam in hers, the horror in mine. And I had already forgotten. You may say it, and nobody will believe it, but I had forgotten! As if it happened in another life. As if it didn't happen to me. Well, at least there is an official reason for tears. Ah, if only you knew why I cry, perhaps you would even start avoiding me. Perhaps you wouldn't understand me or even try to. Although everything could have been different. There are always multiple outcomes. Options, situations, and much depends on our attitude towards them and our choices. I made mine.

I sit by the sea, with the water gently washing over my feet. I'm not afraid. It's strange, but that's how it is. The sea, the sea... It has become my salvation. A significant place for me. I feel down, and the sea helps, always with its tranquility. Why have I never seen it raging in bad weather? Its freedom and will. Being close to it eases my soul, and I can let my thoughts flow, leisurely above the waters, clarifying my consciousness. Next to the sea, I can simply think. Just be silent.