nothing near clarity

chapter 55

My head feels numb now. The blinding lights and the flashes numbed it. Photoshoots were more tiresome than filming a music video. That's what I realized, or maybe it's just because I wasn't feeling well today. Oh well, it was my fault for drinking too much last night.

After our photoshoot session and our short filming with the masks, we were finally free and are asked to get ready since we'll be leaving to go to the airport immediately. I was already inside our van when Eunkyung suddenly went to me and asked me how I was feeling now.

"I'm fine now. Just need to nap this away," I told her, trying my best to assure her since I didn't want Eun to worry about me.

"Okay. I'll wake you up once we're in the airport," she told me, before pinching my cheeks. I closed my eyes after she said those words, and was in dreamland in no time.

The ride to the airport felt so short since Eunkyung is already waking me up. I walked like a zombie, and I can hear my members and even our staff members laughing at my zombie like appearance. I didn't mind them, I was too tired and sleepy to even think straight. I didn't even remember how I was able to find my airplane seat nor how I was able to sleep all the way to Korea.

But I didn't care about it anymore. All I know is I'm back in Seoul, and I'll be able to finally meet him again. We were given a day off today, so I knew what I had to do today.

And that is to meet up with ruto.

Secretly.

* * *

We decided to meet up at night, and I guess it was a wrong move because it started raining, and we were drenched and it was so cold at night.

"I missed you," ruto said for the 10th time, but I didn't mind. I missed him as well.

"You're so clingy, stop." I told him jokingly, but he only gave me a pout. I laughed at his face, before whispering the words, "I missed you too, ruto."

"Ruru was a better nickname though," he said in a joking manner, which earned him a slap on the arm from me. He told me about what I did while I was drunk, and I was so embarrassed about it, but he couldn't stop joking about it. I swear to god this man is so annoying, but cute.

Okay. I don't mind him joking about it, as long as I get to see him laugh.

Everything just felt so right at this very moment.

But I know it's all wrong, and I can't seem to find the will to let go of him though there's a huge chance that the both of us will get caught. We were on a run to save ourselves from some people who are trying to take some pictures of us. Because despite all the bad things we experience, we were hoping for a bit of a privacy.

But it looks like destiny never wanted to give us that in the first place.

When we're finally away from the crowded place, I let out a sigh and shivers at the thought of us getting caught. Because for sure there would be bloody consequences, huge ones.

The surrounding was quiet, there's only a single lamp post that's giving us some light, I can still hear the faint honking of cars from the city and the smell of after rain.

But all of it was forgotten when I felt him gently taking my hand to wrap it inside of his huge ones. I even saw his eyes crinkling, a sign he's smiling, when he saw the difference of our hands that are now clasped tightly together. Then slowly, he came closer, until I was now inside his warm arms. His chin resting on the top of my head as I was buried on his chest where I can feel his fast beating heart.

I've read and seen this in movies and books all the damn time, but I never knew it would be real. Because right now, it seems like time stopped. But never did it made our hearts that were beating so fast- it felt as if it's getting out of our chest- stopped. It's like the moon above us became our very own spotlight, telling us that this is our world even for just a few second, a minute. I didn't know how many minutes I felt that way, all I know is that I'm so into this new wonderful emotion I never knew I could ever feel.

It was as if there were no other beings here, just us and our rapid beating hearts can be heard and our deep breaths as the cold wind slowly engulfed us, but that didn't matter because I could feel his warmth colliding with mine as our bodies were pressed softly together. beautifully yet painfully, because we all know that every dumb action, despite it giving me this weird yet euphoric feeling, it's still considered dumb by other people and our managers, so in short, we still do have a price to pay.

It was nothing near all the romcom movies I watched, but I can feel that awe punch on my stomach whenever I'm with him. It was as if all the tall walls I built came crashing down when I met him. He's just too special, that I couldn't help but to let him in when he decided to knock and ask if he could visit for a while, but it was me who ended up letting him stay.

He's too damn precious to be sent away.

And damn, I'll be needing no butterflies now that he made me feel the whole damn zoo. He made me feel all these sorts of emotions I never knew I could feel. Or maybe it's just the fact that everything he does is just so magical and so sweet for me.

I guess, I like him too much. Too much even for my whole being. I am bewitched, enchated and simply smitten. And I know all too well that what we have wouldn't last long, because we have our priorities. Like for example, our careers.

If someone sees us right now, I know it will be the end of my career. And it might also end his. I felt a lump in my throat at the though of that. Why do we have to sacrifice one of the things that we love? Can't we pursue both?

Why are idols treated as if they're criminals when they fall in love? When love was far from being a crime. It was far from wrong. It was something that made everything feel so right. This! It feels so right, but they made me think that this is all wrong.

Why are they trying to stop us from being happy? Why?

I slowly lifted my head to look at him, and when I saw that he's looking at me, I just gave him a playful smile, though I know he wouldn't be able to see it due to the mask I'm wearing, before hugging him once more, but this time, it was tighter. Because I'm afraid, so so afraid, that after this night, I might lose him.

I can't afford to lose him. take everything that i have, just not him.

And if ever they see us, if ever they would take pictures of us, despite knowing the consequences, it would honestly be my pleasure.

Being this guy's girl is something to be proud of.

And that's when I saw some cameras flashing. They found us.

There I felt him hugging me even tighter, trying to hide me, but I believe that they had caught everything.

"Will you run away with me?" he asked, mask down making me have a view of his gorgeous face, his deep voice ringing in my ear, it was so gentle, so soft, as if there were no cameras trying to invade our own little bubble. It made me want to just melt on the spot, but I had to think fast or else we'll be doomed.

So I gave him a nod, and he immediately gave me his infamous smirk making me feel all tingly inside. I even fought the urge to blush in this situation.

He grabbed my arm, and I just let him take me with him. Because wherever he goes, I'll freaking go. I'm that smitten, I guess?

So we run. We run away from everything.

What we have before was nothing near clarity, and now that everything seems to fall to its right places, I wouldn't let them ruin it.

Not anymore.

to be continued. . .

thoughts??