~~~Superstes~~~UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING

Waking up

The days went by too slowly. Usually what was a peaceful sunrise, watching the Metkiyana emerge from their mauri pods before heading out to join them, standing on the walkway connecting the village's weaved homes and talking amongst ourselves, greeting each other with hoarse, quiet voices that are laced with lingering fatigue. Early morning before the kids woke up Neytiri and Jake watched them sleep fondly, noticing how each slept differently, in their own way while the rising sun leaks through the opening of their pod, shining on their royal blue skin and lighting their star-like freckles. 

But on this morning when the sun shone on the kids, and when Jake looked at them, his eyes could only find Neteyam's uncurious blue figure, the only indication of life inside him being the steady rise and all of his chest, which was wrapped tightly in bandages. 

He hadn't been able to shake the guilt. 

Every morning, he had a reminder lying right in front of him. A reminder that he was the one who trained him to fight, to become a warrior, he taught him to shoot a bow and cock a gun, and all because he wanted to earn Jake's respect, his honor, Neteyam did those things without complaint, never saying he might be too young or that he wanted to go and play instead of learning how to shoot in the pouring rain. 

Jake put him in a war that should've ended years ago--he put all his kids in a war they should have never heard of. 

And, of course, Neteyam felt the need to follow Lo'ak back into the enemy ship for Spider, only because he wanted to keep Lo'ak safe. Constantly going after him, keeping him out of extreme danger. It became natural for him to be the protecter of his siblings, even as a toddler when they were only babies. It was such a responsibility for him to take on, but he did it willingly without even realizing it. 

Only Jake had to turn his protectiveness into something that he was forced to do and then punishing him when he owned up for his sibling's mistakes that weren't even his own. He did what he was drawn to do, protect, and Jake punished him for it. 

Now, this is where it led, and it was his fault. 

Jake pulled Neytiri closer in my arms, her hand resting on his chest. She laid her head on his shoulder, and Jake pretended that Neteyam was simply asleep, but he was too still for that. Neteyam had always been an expressive sleeper, his face scrunched up in a frown or a faint smile, and he never spoke in his sleep, although occasionally Jake would catch him mouthing words soundlessly. 

Yet his face revealed no emotion, just blankness. 

It seemed everyone was closer in this time. Not just the entire family, but Neytiri and Jake especially. 

He felt closer to her than he ever had been, he needed her more now, and she needed him more too. They keep each other going, fighting off those demons that want to reel them into a spiral of doubt and hopelessness, but sometimes those demons were quiet and sneaky. They'd catch you in the middle of the day, forcing a wave of indescribable sadness to bring you to your knees, head in hands. They made sure you grieved in private, so that no one could bring you to your feet. 

But then, Jake could trap those demons before they emerge. He asked Neytiri how she was holding up every second of the day, how she feels physically and mentally. He persuaded her to eat, to take care of herself. She does the same for him, and they could keep the monsters at bay.  

Jake looked at her briefly, the purple color around her puffy eyes, how the droop slightly, as if you shut them, they wouldn't open for days. Neytiri didn't go to sleep giving up on Neteyam, but that required her to stay awake for hours on end, occupying herself with endless tasks and chores so that she doesn't think about her son's downfall. She was stronger than Jake in that era, but for the worse. She needed to sleep for when Neteyam wakes up, but she refuses.