Drowning the Past

18

"I didn't pay for a therapy session."

He went on. "You still have family, too."

"Are you going to shut up anytime soon?"

"I've missed your sense of humor."

She burst out laughing. "You and your brother have a few bolts loose. What you two call humor is really me just being a bitch. Go away."

He was looking at her with a dopey smile. "It's been a long time since I've heard you laugh, Anderson. You should do it more often. Do you remember how your mom's laughter always made us laugh, even when we didn't think she was being funny?"

He lost his smile and took another long drink. "I know you hate me because it was my fault."

Her eyebrows raised. "What are you talking about?"

"My doctor has been trying to get me to talk to you for years, but I just couldn't. The only reason I finally got up the nerve to do it the other day is because if I would have snuck off to my room like I usually do, you would have slept with my father. I couldn't let you do that to Noah."

"Ewe, Scott. I'm not that disparate. Is that what you think of me?"

"Noah said you wouldn't do that, but I admit I've had my doubts. My father somehow manages to charm a lot of women. Some are not that much older than us."

"What is it with our dads? That's so gross."

"Dr. Young says my dad makes his own choices and I have to make mine. Only I can decide who I am."

"I can guarantee you I'd sleep with just about anyone over your dad. You know that old man across the street from your house? The one who wears those silk tracksuits and has more money than he knows what to do with? I'd do him before your dad."

His eyes were a little too glassy, as he frowned again and looked on the verge of tears. "Stop interrupting me, Anderson. I have to say this before I lose my nerve. I know I'm the reason your mom isn't here. It's my fault and I know that's why you could no longer bear to be friends with me."

Her hands tightened into fists, and it took all she had to not climb to her feet and walk away. She had to dig in her purse and grab her cigarettes before she could look at him. "It wasn't your fault, and I never blamed you. It's baffling that you think I could. You know what happened to her and you know who did it." Instead of lighting the cigarette, she took a long drink. Then another.

"It is my fault. I'm the reason she left that day."

"Scott, shut up. Whatever guilt you think you have, get over it. It wasn't your fault."

"She found out I'd been without my inhaler for a few days. My mom was always forgetting to pick it up. Your mom was spitting fire mad."

"I don't think there's anyone my mom hated more than your mom."

"That's true! I always felt so bad that your mom had to do so much for us, so I got where I wouldn't tell her things, but it's like your mom always knew. That was the first time she ever left the two of us home by ourselves. She said that your dad had promised to be home on time, and he never lied to her. She was going to run to the store as quick as she could so that our plans didn't get messed up."

"I don't remember a lot from that day. I've tried to over the years, but I just remember sitting in that waiting room and no one ever coming for us. What was she wearing that day?"