Drowning the Past

12

"Since you're here, I'm guessing he didn't break up with you. Again. I thought he was going to do it this time. Though I shouldn't be surprised. He's always been like that. Very loyal. Once he cares, it's hard for him to give up on someone."

She wasn't good at hiding her reaction to his words.

"You can't tell me u didn't know. You can't be that clueless."

She dug in her purse.

"He has liked you since we were kids. It used to drive him crazy when we'd come over to your house and you and I would spend hours together. People always said they'd never seen two people so made for each other as you and me. He always felt like the odd duck out. Yet he always liked you, anyway. You remember that we all used to be friends, right? You remember I was your best friend for years, right? All the booze you drink can't have completely wiped away your memories. Even as much as you wished otherwise."

"Is there something you need?" She asked again.

"Your mom was great. We were always so envious of you."

She paled. "I don't talk about her."

"Maybe you should. Why wouldn't you? She was perfect. It's your life since you lost her that has sucked. I remember how she'd always save us. An hour tops. Then she'd tell your father we'd been at the party long enough, and we should be allowed to be kids. The rest of the night, we'd be on our own. She always had us snacks and games waiting, and whenever we'd fall asleep, she'd let us stay the night. We used to fake it."

"What do you want?"

Jake looked her over. "I wonder who you'd be if she hadn't died."

"She did." Quinn reminded him, pretending to be calmer than she felt.

"I was with you when you got the call. I was with you when you had to rush to the hospital. To this day, I remember your screams and pleads. That was the last day you ever invited me over. Then, when your dad brought home Em and Piper, you stopped talking to me. Stop taking my calls. You wouldn't have anything to do with me. Nothing. You never even told me why."

"Be glad. Staying away from you, keeping my life away from you, was the best thing I ever did for you."

"You were the first person I ever told. First person to ever accept me. I've been needing my friend."

"You're better off without me."

"Why did you get to decide that? You hurt me, then on top of that, you let Noah back into your life. Do you know how that felt? At least until I realized that you didn't let him back into your life. It was a lie. Just like you're a lie."

"I can accept that. Can you get out of here now?"

"No. Because as mad at you as I am, when I saw you sitting here, I realized that I should have tried harder. I should have been as strong as my brother. You needed me and I was heartbroken, so I pulled away. Noah kept going to those damn parties. He kept showing up no matter how hard it got. No matter how hard he tries, he can't give up on you because he knows you need someone who won't give up on you."

"You don't even know what you're talking about. That isn't the kind of relationship we have."

"If not, it's your fault. It kills him to see you like this. He says you're still in there. He says you just can't find your way."

His shrug reminded her of the boy who used to do anything to make her laugh. She looked away from him. "This is who I am now. Whether you like it or not. Whether he likes it or not."

"When are you going to stop being scared and take your life back? Stop playing dead."

"When are you? It's taken you five years to tell your family something you've known your whole life."

"At least I finally did it. You're popular now. Always living it up and you're the loneliest person I've ever seen in my life."

"Get out. Or I will."

"No. I'm tired of watching you shit on my brother. I'm tired of watching you from a distance and hating you for not remembering I'm your friend. More than anything, I hate watching you and pretending I don't see that you're unraveling and soon there won't be anything of you left."

She grabbed her purse and headed for the door, but he was faster, and he moved in front of it.

"Where's the girl who couldn't stay mad at me? Where's the girl who told me every day that I should be proud of who I am?"

"I was stupid. Life is one giant fucked up game. The only way you survive is by being who they want you to be."

"Who are you talking about? Piper?"

"Everyone!"

"And what happens when Piper goes away? Do you get to be yourself, then?"

"There's no me left. She's never going to leave. She's made sure of that. That was probably her intentions from the very beginning. Her mom is screwing up, so she found a way to stay. He's more hers than he's mine now. The house is hers. She's taken everything and there's no getting free. Get out of my way!"

She balled up her fist, ready to fight, but he wasn't scared of her. He never was.

"Jake, that's enough. Leave us." When his brother ignored him, Noah put his hands on his shoulders and turned him towards the door. They shared a look, then Noah closed the door on him.

As soon as he did, she headed for the sliding door. When he caught her, she slapped his hand away. He went around her and locked the door.

"You need a few days away from home and you have nowhere else to go. I told dad you we're staying a few days, and it made his day. Go get back in bed. I won't let anyone else bother you."

Her hands were in fists, and she itched to hit someone, but he was right. She had no place to go. She just wanted to be left alone.

He took her bag off her shoulder. When he told her to raise her arms, she did.

Once his shirt was off her, he pulled the covers back so she could crawl into his bed.

"I just want to be left alone."

Noah nodded. "I know. Just a day or two to regroup. Can I stay if I don't talk?"

She wanted to say no, but there was also a part of her that didn't want to say no. "No staring at me. I hate when you do that."

"Ok."