HEART FOR HIRE ✓

Thirteen

"Definitely not my type but sufferable."

Zion's words resound through the silent night. I grab my pillow to shut out all the incoming voices and disruptive thoughts.

"If she can keep those ideas coming, don't get rid of her," Riley's come out, his tone sounding like he is mocking me.

What did I get myself into?

This was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to wash clothes, eat food and be paid for it. Why did I have to involve feelings? Why does it hurt to know that I'm not Zion's type?

Shouldn't that be obvious? Look at me, brown haired mess with a farm of acne on my face. A failure without a university degree, what can I be good at? Who can I be good for?
Am I even anyone's type?

I take a swig from the familiar energy drink and slam the empty bottle on the kitchen counter.

"Damn you rich people," I scream, not bothering to know if my neighbors are awake, bothered or not. "Why do you have to make me feel like this? Why am I so worthless? Do I look like someone who can be walked all over? Am I not good at anything?"

At that, my body willingly slides down the kitchen wall, wincing when my butt hits the cold cemented floor of the apartment.
I don't realize that I'm crying until the salty liquid flows into my open mouth.

But why am I crying? I'm getting paid, I should be happy that my account is getting fatter. Isn't money all that matters?

"Holy shit," warmth embraces me, "what happened to you? Who did this to you?"

I look at the jacket that has been placed over my shoulders and the person who is currently hugging me.
Jeanette.
It's all that it takes for me to break down all over again and sob like a pathetic idiot I am.

She doesn't say anything, just occasionally rubbing my back and telling me to stop crying.
I am wasting my tears, I know that. But I haven't been one to be strong, even in small circumstances, I find it hard to hold my tears.

I hate criticism, being confronted and scolded. I hate finding out about the truth that is capable of hurting me.
My tears come so easily and that's what makes me pathetic. Maybe that's all I'm good at - crying.

"What is wrong with me?" I sob on Jeannette shoulder. Despite our disagreement earlier, she is still here for me. Do I even deserve her?

"The only thing wrong with you is that apartment door you left unlocked. What were you thinking?" she scolds me which makes me cry even more.

"I'm so sorry," I sniff. I don't know what I'm apologizing for; wetting her shoulder, snapping at her earlier or leaving work without permission like a pathetic brat I am.

"It's alright, I'm not angry," she rubs my back. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She boils water in the percolator, forces me into the bathtub and makes for me some hot chocolate.

"Alex told me that you looked pretty upset when you left," she explains, taking a sip from her own cup of hot chocolate. "Besides, you were not answering my texts so, here I am. I understand if you don't want to talk about it but if you want to, I'm here to listen."

"Thank you," I look away in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry for earlier too, you know," she slightly touches my shoulder, "I shouldn't have insisted like that."

"I shouldn't have snapped at you either. No matter how bad my day is, I shouldn't take it out on other people and I'm so sorry I couldn't control myself."

"So, are we good?"

"Always," I smile at her and meet her halfway for a hug. "Thank you for coming. I feel so much better."

This is what friendship feels like.

After some minutes, I tell her everything that happened at the company; from me being disappointed that Alex was coming along, to Zion basically praising me for giving him ideas, to him not wanting me to see his mother and to Riley's secretary regarding me as Zion's girlfriend. I explain why I left the theater in a hurry, why I broke down and why I feel like meeting Zion was a mistake.

At the end of my narration, Jeanette engulfs me in a hug.
"That's a lot to take in, are you okay?"

"You don't think I'm overreacting?"

"Of course not. Is that why you were afraid of telling me earlier?" I nod in confirmation. Partly, I didn't want to seem pathetic and on the other part, I didn't know why I was upset. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Can I call off my contract with Zion?"

Jeanette doesn't answer for almost a minute.
"Do you know what that means? You have to refund his money for the two months you haven't worked for. Are you sure you can do that?"

"I don't want anything to do with him anymore!" I whine. "It's obvious that I can't keep acting nonchalant like nothing is bothering me. I'm not professional like him.
If it means that I get to protect my feelings, I will do it."

She gets hold of my hand looks me straight in the eye.
"A wise man once said that one shouldn't make decisions in anger. I understand where you are coming from but you need this money. How about you talk to him about it?"

"And say what? I'm sorry that you made me feel unworthy of meeting your family? Do you think he is going to take it lightly or he's gonna laugh at my face? Let's not forget that I have no reason to meet his mother, so, why is it bothering me?"

"I get that. I really do," Jeanette nods her head. "It's okay to be indecisive. All you need now is rest because it's been a long day. Tomorrow, we can figure out something."

"I will find a way to get rid of him."

My eye are closing and I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or it's really Jeanette's voice that says, "I'm pretty sure it's going to be impossible to do that."