All is left is to ring the bell (fruk)

deux heures avant l'amour

I managed to sober up quickly once we stood on the rooftop. Arthur kept fidgeting with his hands, and I knew he was trying to tell me something. We had stood by the ledge, looking over to all the people below.

"There are so many of us..."

"Indeed!"

He stopped looking nervous but didn't look at me as he looked straight ahead. There was music playing in the back, which calmed me down more. I absolutely loved staring at him. "You know, out of all the periods I've seen you in, my favourite has to be the sixties! You were so stylish and cool! You weren't afraid to say anything!"

"Oh please...you say that all the time!"

"It is true!"

I nudged him a bit and watched as he eagerly nodded his head, taking a deep breath! "Right! Well, I feel I need to say this now before it becomes a mess and I never get the chance ever to do this!" He spoke. He suddenly turned to me, and I could see how red his face had gotten.

"Francis! With all due respect, you have continued to blindside me and leave me feeling so...confused! You manage to wiggle your way into my life, and as much as I try and push you out, not only do you come back, but I seem to love it.

This didn't seem so romantic...

"Well...I'm trying to...what I want to say is hard! This isn't easy for me! I don't understand how you make it so easy! But I'm going to say it straight!" He spoke. It was like he was fighting with himself. 

"Hey, it's okay—"

"SHUT UP! IT'S MY TURN TO TALK!" He suddenly shouted. I jumped a bit, lifting an eyebrow. Was this an attack or a confession?

"For god's sake! Francis, I'm in love with you! And I don't think I deserve any of it! But every single time I see you, I just...GRRRR! It's frustrating! I feel selfish for even feeling the way I do! But I love you! I reciprocate those feelings! When I look at you, all I want to say is that your being in my life has been a curse and a blessing. I don't want you to take that the wrong way because we both know it isn't bad. You always urged me to step out of my comfort zone and loved me unconditionally, even when I wasn't ready for your love. Being loved by you goes against everything I've been told. Loving you will always go against everything I've known to be true. I can't express myself the way you do, so I'm doing my best!"

He grabbed my hands, squeezing them gently. "You were like a rainbow on a cloudy day...you still are. I know when to admit defeat! I know times are different, and I know I have no reason to be scared. However, I do! I will always second-guess everything because it is in my nature! And you are so cruel to me...I'm probably crueller, but I am sorry! I love you, Francis, and I'm sorry I can't express it better," he spoke.

He looked down, and I could only smile. He had so much doubt in himself that it was hard not to love him. "Arthur, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. It was inevitable...me loving you...as much as we went against each other, it seems we were somehow made for each other. We were stupid kids...we ruined everything...it took centuries to build back up, don't worry about that anymore. Just worry about now; right now, we are free to be anyone we want! To love anyone we want, and I'm choosing you. I don't care if people know or don't know! It's none of their business. What I care about is finally being with you, the way humans do...a relationship!" I giggled.

His face turned red, and he began to shake his head. It made me confused and sad, and I knew he was actually rejecting me. "No...that's not what I want...I'm selfish..." he spoke. He looked up at me, saddened, and I nodded in acceptance. He loved me but was rejecting me. How pitiful.

"You aren't selfish...you are doing what's best for you, and I will understand—"

"No! That's not the case! I'm not...rejecting you...I....god...I don't know how to say this..." he spoke. However, it only confused me more. He pulled his hands away from me, holding onto his head. He held himself so torn. What on earth was going on through his head?

"I...I love you, Francis! I don't think you realize how much I love you! I don't understand myself, but you do! You understand me better than I understand myself! And this might be the spur of the moment, but I think I need to get it out now before I regret it for the rest of my life..."

"What are you—"

"The truth is! I don't want a silly relationship with you! I'm selfish because I want more than what I'm allowed. I've always wanted more than what I was allowed. I was like this back then but never said anything, but I have a voice now! And by god, I am going to fucking use it! As soon as I...." He paused, and his face was flustered. His hair was a mess, and he began to sweat.

"You need to turn around...I can't say it to you like this...please...for my sake," he spoke. He looked at me desperately, and I was clueless. His words seemed to be countering each other as he fought himself.

"Fine..." I spoke. I turned away from him slowly, facing my back to the enemy. Just like old times. "That's somehow better," he laughed. His chuckle made me smile as I looked up into the sky. I couldn't wait for the fireworks.

"I...I want to explain this the best I can. I am emotionally unstable! I know that! I can be airheaded, oblivious, annoying, mean, and all types of evil! However, when I'm with you...it feels like I'm faking. I can never truly be the rough person I want to be. Around you, you seem to crumble me into a small pebble that feels hopeless. I never expected you, of all people, to make me feel this way, and it makes me want to slam my head against the wall. It isn't easy because I've never felt this way about anyone. You will always be my first love. Now that I have the opportunity to have more! The one time! I somehow still want more than what I'm offered. I don't want a relationship with each other like you want...I want..."

He paused for a moment, and my heart began to race. Is he...trying to say what I think he is trying to say?

I clutched my hands together, waiting in the endless silence.

"Francis...I...want..."

He was getting scared. I could hear it in his voice. He was about to take it back.

"I...never mind—"

I quickly turned around at what he said and pulled him in for an embrace. "I understand! LOUD AND CLEAR!" I spoke. I held him tightly, and he stiffened. "What? How could you!?"

"I want the same! Hell, we don't have to tell anyone!  But I hear you...and you aren't alone! My love! My darling! You don't need to suffer trying to say it! I'm in!" I cheered. I separated from him slightly, and he smiled. "Seriously? Are you sure? We don't have to tell anyone?"

"Screw everyone! I could care less about them!"

"But, when should we do it? How?"

"TONIGHT! LET'S GO! There are churches near here, and they can do it!"

"Las Vegas churches? Pfft, imagine that" Arthur began to laugh, but we held each other.

"Not the best, but...the sooner, the better!"

You know the romantic music that plays in movies when the two stars confess and realize they will spend the rest of their lives together? It was like that. I had my own soundtrack of romantic music that swelled when we held each other. We knew what we wanted without saying another word.

"Would they notice we left?"

"I'd say...so...but who cares..."

"Right!...well! There is no time to waste! We can....let's do this!" He laughed. His childish laugh made me melt into the floor beneath me. Even if this was a spur of the moment. We had waited long enough.