Too Far Gone?

the truth

Chapter 10

Everyone is sitting either on couches or the floor, staring at me, waiting. The boys want me to explain it all. What I wasn't telling them at the diner. Why I got shot. Part of me wants to tell them, but another part of me is scared to tell them. The eyes that pierce me the most are my favorite grey ones. Cam, Daniel, and Jane have let the room to give me space with the rest to explain everything, but as I sit there all I can do is think of how I can get out of telling them the very thing I fear the most. With a deep breath, I lock eyes with the grey ones opposite me.

"As I told you guys, when I got to California I had to find a way to make money. I only had so much saved from fighting and it was dwindling," I start, my eyes never leaving his gaze. "So I had met my friends. They took me to an underground fighting arena since I'd told them I was a decent fighter looking to get back into it. After visiting the arena a few nights, I ran into my boss. He introduced himself, telling me that his company could benefit from my skills. I told him I was interested in what he was offering, so we struck a deal. Long story short, I joined his gang."

My gaze wanders from the grey eyes I was getting lost in as I watch all of them process the information I'm telling them. Axel is staring at me confused, but also seems to understand it all piecing the puzzle together. Jaden's mouth is open like a fish, struggling to breathe or understand what being in a gang means. Hunter and Blaze are just sitting quietly, unsure of how to react. Mason stares at me, no reaction whatsoever. Ashton is the first to speak, once my eyes meet his again.

"Why would you join a gang?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why would you do that to yourself? I can't imagine it's a peaceful gang. What have they gotten you into Emmaline?"

His last question comes out with anger as if he's disappointed in me, but I guess I suspected that reaction. I wasn't expecting them to understand, or still want anything to do with me after I told them the truth. I had a feeling they would run once they found out, but I also did not plan to be asked about what I've done. I'm nearly speechless, trying to figure out how to tell them I'm a murderer. No matter if I killed for good reason, I'm still a killer and that's what they'll see whenever they look at me.

Before I can respond, Axel speaks up, "You don't have to tell us what you've done. We can tell that you've changed, we don't have to hear how that happened."

"Some of us do," Mason utters under his breath. It's so quiet I can barely hear what he says, but the rest of the boys definitely did because they're all looking at him. "Some of us need to know what you did and why," he speaks up louder, looking right at me.

With a sigh I open my mouth to speak, "You guys have to understand that what I did was always for good reason, whether it was for my survival or the simple fact that most people in this world are not good people. I hurt people, which wasn't new. You guys personally have seen me fight, I'm not a gentle person. I was never a gentle person. However, I had never hurt someone so bad where they wouldn't wake up the next morning to greet their family or friends. Once you're in this world that I'm in, you have to learn the facts that surviving in it may cost you the one thing you value the most. Your humanity."

God I sound like I'm quoting the Vampire Diaries, but it's true. In this world of working for my boss and being a part of a gang, you have to understand that every situation is a life or death situation. There is simply no getting out alive unless you take out the other person. Whether that be in seconds, minutes, day, or years. There will come the time that you have to choose. Choose whether your life is more important than someone else's and I think we've all noticed how selfish of a person I can be.

"Have you killed someone?" Blaze is the one to ask the forbidden question, a smirk placed on his face. Of course he would find this interesting maybe even funny because that's the sick twisted person he is. My glare hardens with his gaze simply causing him to smirk even more if that was possible. "Better yet. How many people have you killed?"