Red vs Blue : Mirage

Nut. Doonut.

Grif: Maybe! Uh, I mean, no.

Donut: Oh, come on! I could be Double O Donut.

Simmons: You mean like, Doonut?

Donut: With a license to thrill, or be thrilled!

Sarge: Alright, since you're both so into the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break into their base, and report back on the double.

Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot.

Donut: Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif! Lets pretend we're wearing super spy jet-packs! (Grif groans) No, no, no, no. Like this. (he makes jet-pack sounds as the scene transitions to a cliff while Donut continues to make jet-pack sounds)

Grif: Hey, can you not stop that for 2 seconds?

Donut: Come on Agent- (he clears his throat to speak with a lower voice) Come on Agent Grif, we've got to hurry if you want to save the princess from the evil goblins.

Grif: What princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?

Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!

Grif: Donut, can you go find some higher ground or something?

Donut: But we're on higher ground now.

Grif: Why don't you use your jet-pack to get to the highest ground?

Donut: Good idea! I bet the Blues won't think of that.

Grif: No, if they were that stupid we probably would've won by now.

Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! (he makes more jet-pack noises as he runs off)

Grif: I could just shoot him, no one would ever have to know. No one.

Scene cuts to Blue Base. Church is looking out over the canyon, Tucker approaches him.

Tucker: Hey Church, we might have a problem.

Church: Is this a new problem, or did Caboose get his head stuck in the freezer again? We're gonna have to wait for Rayner to get him out.

Tucker: New one. Sheila and Lopez are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them.

Church: What?! Did you try to talk them out of it?

Tucker: No way, I wouldn't dare oppose them!

Church: Man, well we gotta find a way to separate them. Maybe it's time to get rid of Lopez.

Tucker: But without Lopez you wouldn't have a body to use. Why don't you just possess him like you normally do?

Church: I would, but it's getting harder to do each time. I think he's learned to fight it somehow.

Scene cuts to the cave Doc is in.

Doc: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.

O'Malley: I agree, except replace the words "non" with "extremely!" And after the word "violent" include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire!" (he laughs evilly. Donut approaches the entrance to the cave.)

Donut: Hey, what's going on in there?

Doc: We can't do this! They're gonna find out! They'll find out about us, the machine, everything! (O'Malley laughs evilly again. Donut gets a little closer)

Donut: What the-! Those voices sound suspicious.

O'Malley: I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails!

Doc: But I'm a vegetarian!

Donut: Oh, it's that guy whose name I forget. But where's the guy he's talking to?

Doc: We can't just sabotage their equipment. That's rude!

Donut: Sabotage? That doesn't sound too good.

O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls!

Donut: That sounds even worse!

O'Malley: They will all taste oblivion, which tastes just like Red Bull, which is disgusting.

Donut: Whoa!

O'Malley: All will perish! (he laughs evilly again)

Donut: All? That includes me! Oh man, I gotta tell the guys! (he runs away)

Doc: Hello? Who's there? Please help me! I'm scared of myself!

Donut arrives at the cave's exit.

Donut: Gotta get back to base! (he begins running away) Back, to base! Oh man, there it is! (he approaches the base) Guys! Hey guys! Where is everybody? I saw something really weird in that cave that... (he sees Sheila) hey, that's cool. When did we get a tank? Wait a minute, this looks like the store. Except Sarge told me there is no store. (turns around) Oh no!

Caboose and Tucker are pointing their pistols at Donut.

Tucker: Oh yeah!

Grif is watching from the cliff with a sniper.

Grif: Oh crap! I knew I should've just shot him! (he turns and runs towards Red Base)