yeux de chat / namgi

XV. We'll live all night long then we can go home

"appeoji, please—"

"—we won't, but we and your sisters will be keeping a close eye on you, understand?" namgil nodded and almost fell to his hands and knees just to bow but he got distracted and ran to his son.

is it not so beautiful that son and sun sound so similar? almost identical? beautiful creatures, the suns and the sons, giving light and life. light to the bad and the dark and light to the justice and to the matters at hand. and life to the plants and herbs and life to the children and to the ideas. but the sons and the suns will burn and leave nothing but an absent of their light and a cold, dangerous place to be in. it all depends on how you see it.

namgil wanted to kill himself seeing namjoon curled up at the head of the bed, rocking back and forth and rubbing his arms like it was a satanic ritual just to calm himself down.

"p-please dad- i promise i'll be good, please i wanna go home let me go home i'm so so sorry i wanna go home," namjoon wailed out, his head in his knees. namgil didn't know what to do. his son was barely breathing and his words were so heart-wrenching to hear from a child and... fuck, namgil had never been a father before. he didn't know what to do. he barely knew the kid he called his son.

"joon-ah—"

"—no.. not- 'm namjoon. only namjoon to you- please."

"okay, namjoon, you need to stop crying. you're... fuck what's the word? your breathing is all over the place kiddo, you're gonna faint, come on."

soon enough namjoon had steadied his breathing, then he was just shaking and absolutely out of energy. namgil sighed.

"dad? did i do something to you?" namjoon mumbled, staring at his feet.

"no no, you haven't done any—"

"—then why are you being nice to me? i-i.. i must've done something- last time you did this i almost died!" namjoon wailed, unaware that his grandparents were listening to him through the walls, "i don't wanna die yet, dad, please. please not yet... please please please i'll do anything- just not yet..."

"my boy, my boy i'm so sorry. i won't do anything to you, namjoon. p-please just calm down."

"i 'ont wanna die.. dad, please."

"you won't, i promise namjoon, i won't let it happen."

namjoon sniffled and shook his head, a nonverbal way of him screaming 'you're lying! you're building me up to let me down harder!' his mind couldn't help but scream it though it felt like his lips were sewn shut and his throat so scarred that any words feared to go near it.

"d-dad..."

namgil shot up, immediately at his son's beck and call. his sudden demeanour was hilarious in a way, going from one extreme to another. namjoon had noticed namgil getting calmer with him and snapping much less frequently as the divorce was officialised. currently, they had one last court meeting before the entire ordeal was official.

"what is it namjoon? what can i do for you?"

every caring word got namjoon even more scared.

"w-why... how- i.. why are you acting like this? how can i make it better?" namjoon pleaded, his hands gripping onto the bedsheets underneath him. "please, dad, if you're gonna beat me... just- please i can't... it's so much worse when you're pretending to be nice- plea... dad i can't anymore please."