My One Regret (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Drunken Confession

"You.." I hiccuped, "How are you?" His face churned into an expression of disgust. "Blake, what are you doing here? You.. You're drunk. Go home." Theo's hand reached to close his window, but I put my arm through it to stop him. "No, no, man, you don't get it! I gotta' make things right, Wright!" A drunken laugh escaped my lips, "Get it.. Hah.. 'Cause your last name.. Is Wright!" I bursted into a fit of laughter, and if it weren't for my grip on his window, I swear I would've fallen.

"You don't need to make things right, Blake.. Please, I'm tired. I don't wanna talk to you right now.. Just.. Go home.." Theo waited for me to start descending down the tree, but I remained still and put on a serious face. Without another word, I pushed Theo aside, and threw myself into his room through the window. A grunt followed soon after, and I stumbled before I managed to catch myself on the floor of his bedroom. "I'm not doing this right now. Please get up.." Theo's voice trembled the slightest bit when I began swaying in the middle of the room.

My balance steadied after I caught myself on the frame of Theo's bed. "No. I'm not leaving until you hear what I have to say. So, sit your ass down, and listen." Although I was plastered, and every word I spoke caused a wave of nausea to pass through me, I tried my best to make my tone assertive.

Theo stood still by his open window, looking away from me. His expression was thoughtful, as if he was considering whether or not to let me talk. After a few silent seconds, his head turned back towards me. "I.. Fine, Blake, but only for a few minutes.. Then, you're leaving, okay?" He bit his lips in nervousness, and crossed his arms.

"Few minutes.. 'Course. That's all I need." I stumbled over to his bed, and sat on the edge, waiting for him to take his place next to me. A few anxious shuffles could be heard before he finally made his way over to his bed, and sat down, making sure to keep a good amount of distance between us.

Theo's Perspective

I couldn't face him after what he's done, nevertheless be next to him. Blake came in through my window, so persistent, and so wasted, that I knew he wouldn't give up, no matter how many times I'd say no. It was no use arguing with him and telling him to get out, because he was much stronger than me, and being drunk wasn't a good look on someone as muscular as him.

So, I nervously walked over to my bed with my hands behind my back, fidgeting more and more with each step that I took near him. When I finally sat on my bed, I scooted over to the far right, making sure I wasn't too close to him. I couldn't stand to look at him. The memories would all come back, and tears would start to drip down my face. I couldn't have myself be vulnerable towards him again – I needed to stand my ground.

"Theo.." He croaked, his deep voice full of desperateness, "Fuck.. I.. I went into this whole thing not knowing that this would happen. I didn't mean for you to like me as much as you did.." A scoff was threatening to escape my mouth, but I held it in. "And I also didn't mean for me to regret it as much as I do now." His words caused me to look up from the ground, and turn to him.

Blake was staring back at me with his deep blue eyes, and with a regretful expression held on his face, "You know.. The first time I saw you.. I thought you were pretty cute," He quietly chuckled, "I think.. Oh, yeah. It was when your family had just moved here. You were holding a shit-ton of boxes, and you were struggling, and tryin' not to drop 'em."

I hadn't known that he had seen me on the first day I moved here – But then again, I was carrying boxes that were ten times my height, so I guess it wasn't my fault for not noticing him. "You looked adorable – just standing there, trying not to fall.. I dunno. It was weird for me to think that. Especially towards a boy, you know.. So uh, I went back inside." Blake's hand reached to scratch his neck.

"But even for days after that, I couldn't stop thinking about you.. You and your stupid boxes.. And your stupid face.. I couldn't. And then all that turned into anger. Like, why the fuck was I feeling this way towards a guy? I was angry, Theo. Angry at myself for even starting to like you. And.. When I found out what your parents did, I used that as an excuse to hate you and to.. I guess.. Push my feelings aside."

My gaze fell back to my hands, which were fidgeting on my lap. His words had been more meaningful than I had expected, and he sounded like he actually regretted what he did. But he had lied to me once, so how do I know he's not going to do it again? "I don't know the right words.. I'm pretty dumb, so um.." He stifled a chuckle, causing a small smile to form on my lips for a few seconds.

"I made a stupid plan to go against your family because I was mad. Mad at myself for liking you. Mad that you could make me feel this way. I had been against gay people my entire life – and so were my friends. So, it was weird for me to like a boy." His head was hung low, looking down at the floor. "But, the more time I spent with you.. Things just.. Changed. I was in denial about it for a while, and maybe I still kind of am, but the one thing I'm sure of is that I want you. I need you. And I didn't realize how much until I saw you running off tonight."

He groaned, and his fists balled up in anger, "Fuck, I'm so fucking stupid! I might just be the dumbest person on earth." I looked over, and his hand was covering his face in anguish. "The more I was around you, the more I started to like you. And I didn't want to admit it. I never wanted to admit it. But now I am. My plan was to get revenge on you and your family, drive you outta' town so that my feelings for you wouldn't grow.. But they have. And I don't want them to stop."

He moved his body closer to mine on my bed, and for some reason, I let him. "Every mean word that came out of me was to stop myself from liking you. I didn't mean any of it. I don't care if you're a boy.. You're still the most beautiful person I've ever seen." His head turned slowly to face me, and I found my cheeks growing hot at his confession.

"I love you, Theo. I've never loved someone this much before." His hand rose up from his thigh, and he gently caressed my face. Blake's eyes were evident with tiredness, but yet his touch was full of love. His hand slowly dropped from my cheek, and to my chin. "You're.. The kindest person I've ever met. I never deserved to meet someone like you.." He whispered, looking at me with his half-lidded eyes.

"You.. You're so perfect that it hurts." Blake ran his thumb across my lips, "You don't even realize how much you mean to me.." He whispered. I could feel his breath fanning on my face, and it was a mix of alcohol and cigarettes. Wait – alcohol. Right, jesus. He was wasted. He probably didn't mean a thing he said. His face was inches apart from mine, and he looked eager to close the gap between us.

Before he could place his lips on mine, I put my hands on his chest in defiance. "No, Blake." Tears were threatening to fall out of my eyes, and I didn't need another display of vulnerability that Blake could use upon his advantage. "I.. I need you to leave. I'm sorry." Before I could wipe them away, I felt droplets of water rushing out from the corners of my eyes.

Blake sat still, his lips parted, and his eyes half-lidded, but I could tell behind his masked expression was a great deal of hurt from my rejection. "But Theo.. I.. I love you, don't you get that?" His voice progressed from a soft tone to one full of fury, "I fucking love you! I've never said that to anyone before!" Blake yelled, standing up from my bed abruptly.

"You don't even know how much I.. Fuck, you don't even know!" I moved on my bed until my back reached my headboard, and held my knees against my chest as I watched him towering over me with eyes full of anger. "You were.. The first person I've ever loved." He walked over to my open window, as I watched with teary eyes. "You were supposed to be the smart one, and you can't even see how much you mean to me." Blake scoffed, and before I could mutter another word, he climbed out of my window.

I already got hurt once, and I didn't want to go through it again. No matter how much I loved Blake, I couldn't stand feeling the same way I felt tonight once more. One time was already enough. Shaking, I walked over to my window, and watched as Blake walked back to his house. I think I messed up. But at the same time, what if it was for the best? He was drunk, Theo, he probably didn't mean a word he said, I thought to myself.

He could have anyone he wanted, and he wanted me? No. It was too good to be true; and tonight just confirmed my doubts.