God's Love💕

💜Morada21's Testimony💜

This is the testimony of Morada21 . I hope and pray that this blesses you!

I grew up in the church, my grandma was a Christian but not so much as the rest of my family, they went to church and believe in God, but they just didn't want to give God their all. Anyway, I was raised in the church and my grandma would always tell me things about God. When we had thunderstorms, she would always gather up all the kids and we would all read the Bible and pray together and listen to God do His work. Around the age of 6 or 7, I asked her about God's voice and how did she discern His voice. She told me that it's like a feeling, like you have a feeling of assurance that's it's Him. But before she responded with that answer, I felt like I knew how to discern His voice already, I don't know how to describe it, but it's like I got a gut feeling that the answer would be what she said, and then she said it and it confirmed it. When I was 15, my grandma got me and my brother some Christian VHS tapes to watch, it was cartoons about Jesus. One day as I was watching one of the tapes, I got emotional and wanted to get saved, at that time I knew that I had to confess my belief in Christ and that He is Lord out loud as well as believe in my heart to be saved, but I didn't want to do the out loud part because I was afraid that someone would hear me, so I did it in my head, then since I thought that saves me, I got emotional and cried. I actually wasn't saved yet though. I got baptized shortly after that and for the next 2 years I lived thinking that I was a real Christian. At 16, I slowly drifted from God and church and lived to be accepted by others and I lived for people. In the city I grew up in, I was kind of popular, I knew everyone and I had my own clique, but God had other plans for me. When I found out that I had to move, I was devastated and depressed because I didn't want to start all over again and try to make new friends because it was always hard to make new friends.

It was hard to make friends for me so I didn't like this, and I kind of had a gut feeling that people were not going to like me. When I transfered schools, I was an outcast, the last 2 years I spent at that school were hell on earth. I kept getting things stolen from me, people laughed at me whenever I walked the halls, no one liked me. This girl who was in my class was low key bullying me, I say low key because she never did anything too bad to me, but she would always say hurtful things. When I was walking in the cafeteria, this big dude ran into me and knocked me down and everyone including him was laughing. This girl I was friends with started acting weird when I asked her for some of her popcorn, I asked for it because I was a severe people pleaser and very scared to ask people anything or talk to them, so I wanted to overcome the fear by asking. She said it was burnt and so I said nevermind. She got annoyed I guess because I was being difficult, but I mean who wants burnt popcorn, I get that it's annoying when people ask for something and then don't want it but it was burnt. So then she poured the popcorn on my plate anyway. When she got up out of her seat, one of her friends told me to sit in it, I said no, then she told me it was OK and that the girl said I could sit there till she came back, so I fell for it. When she came back to her seat she was mad and told me I was trying to tick her off and that I was basically being annoying on purpose, everyone was laughing because they tricked me and it worked, and then half the the cafeteria started laughing and snickering. I just wanted to go somewhere and cry, but i couldn't. That same day someone stole my phone, at this time I was horribly addicted to the internet, so with all these things going on, It made my depression worse and I wanted to die or hurt myself. I wasn't suicidal or anything I just wished I was. And on top of that, I was failing my junior year because of the depression and this

One teacher I had was mean to me and treated me like one of those, "troubled slow black kids" (Cuz I'm black.) She acted as if I was so bad and troubled. One night, I went to this event at my church, and there was a woman speaking that night, during the service she came up to me and told me, "I know it feels no no one sees you, or cares, but you are seen, God cares." Then she told this other girl to sit beside me and sing God is good by Jonathan McRynalds. I finally felt seen and loved that day. Later my depression continued and I was just lost. My younger brother would always hit me and yell at me, everything I did, I did wrong. Thus is embarrassing because he is younger than me. Like for example, I cooked myself chicken nuggets and put them in the fridge because I got full. They were in there for a few days and my brother scolded me for wasting food and then threw the food at me and made Mr clean it up, I might have deserved it though, Because wasting is a sin. Another time, someone was knocking on the door, usually my brother would answer it and then yell at me for being lazy and him and my family was talking about how lazy I was, so this time I figured that I would answer the door. When I answered it, my brother hit me and yelled at me for answering the door, he said: "why would you go and answer the door, if you see I didn't get up like usual that should tell you not to go to the door." Everytime I did something wrong he would call me slow or stupid. When I asked him what I did wrong and what do I do to do better next time and how can I know the right thing to do, he never answered, just kept telling me that I'm hopeless, I will never change, and that I'm slow. It always seemed the he had more street smarts and wisdom than me because in every situation he would yell at me and tell me everything I did was slow. I had poop discernment and wisdom then, I had a hard time telling what was the right thing to do. Also at this time I was very lazy and it affected eeveryone in the house, my job was to clean the kitchen, but the kitchen would always be dirty with dishes piled up. I grieved everyone and they were all fed up with my shenanigans. But anyway, I annoyed them, and I always brought destruction upon myself and my life. I felt like God was mad at me for being a piece of trash so I never wanted to talk to Him. One day I downloaded tiktok and I started to see Christian videos. I was seeing and hearing lots of things that I never heard preached at my church. It made me feel loved and it also made me want to start reading the Bible. I read the Bible more and more and start to apply it to my life and start to see who God really is. I condemned myself a lot as well as hurt myself, but when I learned that God loves me I stopped. I kept hearing God say, "let me take you there," at first I didn't know what it meant, but God was telling me to go deeper and let go of my sin and die to myself, repent and get saved, born again. Then I got scared that I was never saved, because I thought if I was never saved then I can never get saved and that I'm just hopeless. Then I saw a video saying I was saved and around this time I saw videos about the rapture so it scared me. So when I calmed down, I said I will repent just in case I'm not saved. I didn't really know what repentance was, I kept hearing it and was so confused and wondered what it meant. So I repented and gave my life to God, but I was kind of charismatic at the time and thought the emotions meant that you feel the Holy Spirit and when you go to church, all you praise God and sing for is to feel emotional and "touched," so I thought by the end of me giving my life to Christ, if I didn't cry or feel anything then that means I didn't do what God wanted me to do. Afterwards, I felt the atmosphere shift and it got really bright in my room, the sunlight was shining through my window but after that it looked brighter. It felt like heaven had opened up and angels were rejoicing over me. At this moment, I remembered this scripture, " the angels in heaven Rejoice over one sinner that repents, rather than 99 just persons who don't need repentance." Since then I got to know God in my personal life and learned that He is exactly as described in the Bible. In March 2020, I learned about the unforgettable sin, the blasphemy against The Holy Spirit, and it made me very scared, then I started to have intrusive thoughts and mind attacks and dreams of me saying blasphemous things. I let it distract me from God and I went back to my old ways for a while, then came back to God. I still have intrusive thoughts and dreams though, buts it's not as bad thank God. In February 2022, God grows me in discernment and taught me how to tell when someone is teaching something false. He taught me through videos and other people, it all started when I was trying to find a Lauren Daigle video, then I learned that she is in the occult, I also learned that I low key believed in the law of attraction without knowing it. The law of attraction or aka "manifestation" is a new age belief, it's a belief or doctrine that says you can speak or say things into existence like when God created the world, and that you are devine and can attract things to you. This is a blasphemous doctrine. I did not believe I was devine no, but I used to believe in things like luck, jinxing something, speaking things into the atmosphere. I also learned that some things the pastor at my church is unbiblical. Like some sermons would be leaning more onto the prosperity gospel side. And they also believed in speaking things into existence, and other things. I learned that all that stuff was unbiblical and I was shocked. And now this is where I am today, so I hope and pray someone was touched by this testimony.

For more in depth details, I have a book called walking by faith if you want to check it out. It's all about my life and my testimony and relationship with God, I always update it.

I love this so much! God is so good! Thank you so much for sharing Morada21