" A Second Chance"
Life as the wife of a rap God comes with a whole lot of luxuries, complexity and insecurity, and then where is the time to handle your own mind when you live for your lover.
Lylee, platinum selling artist, hottie, and now divorce...
I had been recording songs here and there for months, but spent a month locked in, as the film shooting was on a break and I had to get a lot off my chest. I was dropping a surprise album, and used it as an opportunity to say some things I needed to but couldn't in regular words. Singing my only way to escape and live in my reality simultaneously, the way I expressed myself most of my life was through writing and making songs. Nothing changed, and with going back to therapy I realised it was essential for us to both do things beyond our marriage. We needed to have personal goals, targets and boundaries too. Things were better, and improving as the kids showed our improved energy also made them happier. Sleeping on schedule, finishing their food and enjoying time with us together and separately. He was always with them, brining all of his kids with him whenever he could. Spending the time he has wisely, and that included a date night every Saturday we were both free.
Tonight, he was flying back from Austria as he had a private show and was planning on having a nice dinner and some I miss you sex, delicate now I was almost 3 months and starting to show. My mum and Tom were watching the kids, as we were to spend the night out in a suite. I was noticing the effort, the conversations so much deeper, more sentimental than they had been. He was sure to make me feel his sympathy for the pain he caused, and I did the same. Damson blocked, deleted from my life but not my phone and still someone I had won an Oscar with, and worked with on a film that changed my acting career forever. He was someone I loved, and I still wondered how he was, if he was still hurt by the fact I would always pick Aubrey. His attempts to be a match disqualified by my need to be a wife, be willing to try again.
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The restaurant was gorgeous, a part of the hotel we had booked a suite at for the night. Regal Grecian pillars, white marble in most areas besides the large floor to ceiling glass windows and doors. Tables marble slabs with prestige silver coated chairs, floral arrangements and millions of dollars worth of furnishings around the space. Clean, and sophisticated as was my outfit for the night. A black Peruvian 16 inch bob, half shoulder white satin top with a Louis leather pants, logo clutch bag and black heels. He was already there when I arrived, smiling at me and standing as I walked to the table. " You okay baby," he was tired I could tell, not in the mood to be out but wanted to show and prove. " yeah, I'm tired, but let's order... you okay?" He leant forward, kissing me before I moved to sit next to him " yeah, the album is coming next week so, I'm ready to be done with it"
" what!? Why you ain't tell me you was coming" " it's a surprise album" " oh... so even I can't know" " no! Did Bey tell you that she was putting the song on the album" " she did actually ..." " well,...it's almost done now and I want you to listen to it" he laughed, telling me my point backfired as I smiled. " so did the track we did end up on it?" " of course... thinking about it makes me get goosebumps... it's one of the best songs so it's close to the end" it was, to me. Both baring our souls about the separation, sleeping with other people, sharing children and broken hearts caused by each other. " okay, how did you pick the theme... tell me about it baby" I did that, telling him the album was written about the confusion, not knowing what was going to happen next and who I could trust. Some songs showing the anger, others the sadness of thinking I would truly never be with him again. Then I explained even the sequencing and song titles were a reflection of the mood. I was watching his heart break a little knowing I kept it to myself as I had so many things over the last half of the year. He asked me about the features, and my stomach turned, knowing he would know soon enough and probably be mad or at least question why. For now I told him about the stand outs, alike Kendrick, Faith Evans, JID, as they were first time features I was blown away by even after the sessions were over. Exchanging numbers with people I used to listen to on a daily basis, a part of my teenage dream collaborations, for sure.
