The Law of Averages | Vol II

Big Burn.

Damson made a huge public statement, that confessing he had feelings for me was a mistake and that be loved his girl, Lori. He said it wasn't something that should have happened but nothing inappropriate did. Said he didn't have feelings for me and he was just drunk. It hurt but, I guess he had to. Even though he was convincing, I didn't think she would stay with him. I never really thought she liked him more than for a good look, but, I really didn't know her, or her homegirls beyond occasional nights out in LA before the kids. We were cordial and talked maybe twice, and talked our outfits, modelling, business and the scene. Nevertheless, the media made it seem like we were friends and I tried to take her man. In response, she broke her code of silence and threw shade at me by liking a post from one lol pages.
lol
It was a picture of Lori and I at fashion week years before, then a blurry press picture of Damson shouting at me in the car. The caption "it be the ones closest to you" and comments were funny looking at it knowing I was never her friend and I had given her her man back, in fact. I let it live, as did the threads about us, the trolls, threats and surge in requests for interviews.
I took a few but limited speaking on it, simply saying we were cool and referring them to his apology to his girlfriend.
" my relationship with him has always been platonic, and I wish them the best"
" plus you're married to Drake!"
" exactly"-

Played along with the perfect life, rappers good wife image, distracting myself from it all with my babies, music and press post movies. My husband, even, was truly trying and he told me, he was taking us on a luxury holiday as a family of six, and the kids loved Jamaica. All four out cold in the back bedroom on the private plane, our assistants planning our press in Jamaica in the lounge and the nanny taking shifts to watch the kids as we talked in the bedroom.
" you still have to work with him, Lylee"
" yeah, it's just awkward"
" he's a man, and you're bad as fuck"
" yeah well, I wanted to talk about music"
" okay... shoot"
" promise we'll make more music together" moments like that would confuse me, wanting him for life but doubting our love behind the scenes. I had reason to, he was a pathological cheater, liar and yet I wanted him to love and trust me. I had done things that would break beyond his heart, mentally wounding a man beyond reason or exception. I knew, Aubrey would be crushed if he was to ever find out. I just had to make sure it wasn't something that happened, at least up until he was away, running from dealing with how I was truly feeling about him in more ways than one. It's funny how I never ran when it came to trying for the new baby, the bouquets, Chanel bags and our refurbished house worth  millions of dollars.
I loved him, and was being selfish, and I knew it, so when we decided to get pregnant again I knew Damson and I, had to die. Putting on my mama bear fur, tough skin and poker face when we did press together. It was weird, noticing he didn't have his hand rested on the arm of my seat like he would. Then I worried, wondering if that had been picked up on. I would just say I didn't notice, planning my denial of it all in advance. 

He tried to speak to me, about us, subtly a few days before we left for our trip. The crew setting up the lights as the interviewer spoke to the director.
" so, we're playing happy families Ly" his eyes were angry, and I smirked, as a surprise reaction, my don't-care facade face mask in place and on autopilot around him.
" yeah, we're trying for another baby, actually... so, why don't you just worry about yourself and Lori" he looked up at me, nodded, and smiled too.
" at least the baby will be good looking and rich"
" what!?" I smiled now as I felt the hurt in him coming back at me.
" won't be smart or loyal though..." he was nodding as I did too, holding my arm with the other.
" okay..., watch it damson!"
" what? It's true... he's stupid for everything he's done to you are you are too"
" so I'm stupid now?" I was surprised at that, shown by my crescendo ascending, as was my heartbeat.

He leant over and whispered into my ear;
" nah... you're beautiful, you're everything I wanted...but...for him you are"
" he's my husband"
" for now" he dropped it as the interviewer returned, and we were pretending things were fine for the views of which were high numbers across platforms. I left as he tried to get my attention, shouting out to me.
" Bye Ly!" I turned 180 degrees , slowing down and looking at him as I stepped backwards slowly.
" can't even stop? not even a bye?"
" Not even, b" I rolled my eyes and completed the spin, heels thin and clicking as I walked away and he watched it all work, and walk away from him for what was forever.