29 | Dead girl walking

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"Friends don't look at friends that way"
- that way by Tate McRae
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Kiara Athena Carpenter

I look like a Kardashian. Not filled with plastic or extremely controversial. No. I just look really hot.  I am wearing makeup which I haven't done in a while. I mean I wear makeup but not that kind of makeup. I'm getting ready for...I can't even believe it...our first date...
Like what the fuck.

"How are we supposed to go anywhere when we are literally supposed to be dead?" I ask him.
Dominic is getting ready right next to me since he wants us to have a matching vibe. And also because he is clueless.
"Well I think I look very much alive, thank you" he says smirking. I roll my eyes.
"Okay, sorry, I know" he apologizes.
"No, it's just...I have five brothers plus friends and cousins who had to 'bury' us. That had to be traumatic, although it wasn't that great of a loss" I rant.
"Hey. None of that. Losing you is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. I mean if I was with them burying you, I would try to bury myself alive alongside with you" he says making me look at him. We must look like those cringey couples from the movies. Ew.

I know I'm kinda like supposed to want exactly that type of love. The type of perfection we see in the movies. But I don't believe in that. Perfection doesn't exist. That's why there are movies in the first place. So we go to see them in hopes of having that. And as long as we dream we will go and pay money to see two actors getting it on for a pay-check. And if we love them together enough we will become delusional and start looking for clues of their off-screen relationship. And that's why gossip magazines exist. So really most of the entertainment industry is built up on the things that people can't have and crave. As they say 'being delulu is the solulu'.

"Athena?" he calls on me. He gives me a look as if he had been trying to get my attention for some time now.
"You zoned out again" he simply says as he turns back to fixing his hair.
"Still how are we supposed to go anywhere?" I circle back to my original thought. He looks at me and then at the God awful red wig I wore when we went sightseeing.
"No. I'm not going to be wearing that monstrosity on our date" I say immediately. Definitely fucking not.
"I think it makes you look hot" he says raising his hands.
"More like part of the LGBTQ+ but sure whatever" I roll my eyes.
"What do you have against the non cis?" he asks almost as if he was offended.
"Nothing, I have kissed a girl myself. I just don't like vibrant colored hair on myself. It makes me look like I'm apart of a kpop band" I shrug off the cringe. Don't get me wrong. People that do that are good at it but imagining myself in that spot makes me want to actually die.

"So your issue isn't with the LGBTQ+, your issue is with Koreans?" Dominic is now laughing. I swear to God.
"Why did I agree to go out with you?" I groan.
"Well look at me" he stands up and twirls around like a girl. "I'm hot as fuck" he says flexing his muscles.
"Right" I say picking up my phone.

Ever since we 'died' I like to keep up with the news. Maybe because I'm scared someone recognized us somewhere. I see another article leading to a tweet. I click on it.
"Why THE FUCK is Chad tweeting an RIP for us?!" I exclaim.
"The who and what now??" Dominic asks as he comes to see my phone.

'RIP Kiara Carpenter and the other dude. Was nice knowing you. Best fuck I ever had' as we read that I saw Dom's knuckled clench and I myself felt like throwing up. The awful memories of that day bleeding back into my brain.

"When did you fuck Chad?" Dominic suddenly turns to me. I freeze. He doesn't know...
"Honestly, from the way he worded that, you could've very well been the best fuck of his life" I try to escape this very much uncomfortable situation.

"Quit it. When did you fuck Chad and why didn't I know about it?" I have to admit that I only like serious Dom when he is trying to stand up for me.
"You didn't know about it because it wasn't fucking consensual" I snap at him standing up. His eyes darken, he doesn't take them off of me.

He takes a breath. "When?" he asks.
"I'd rather not remember that" I try to dismiss him.
"I asked when Athena" he says harshly. I close my eyes. I don't want to cry and I don't want to relapse into anything.
"The day I ran away" I simply say sitting down on the bed. My nails involuntarily digging into my skin.
Dominic lets out a sigh and comes to sit next to me. In doing so he also takes my hands into his stopping me from hurting myself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks calmly. I don't look at him.
"I am ashamed" I say. "I let him do it and I just recently found out that it was all for nothing" I say replaying the conversation I had with Dante leading up to our fall.
"I wanted to protect my brothers and Chad said that was the only way to do so. Of course that was a lie. He played me" I explain before Dominic could ask.

"You were 16, it wasn't your fault" he finally says. "I let him do it Dom" I tear up. "You were 16. You didn't want to risk anything happening to your brothers. You didn't know any better" he says as he pulls me into a hug. And for the first time in a while I cry freely. No embarrassment or pushing it down. I just let myself cry.

We sit there like that for around 20 minutes before I pull myself together. We still have a date to attend.

I quickly fix my makeup and grab my shoes. Dominic leads me to the car and opens the door. We get in.

The drive lasts about 10 minutes. I was expecting us to go to some restaurant in the city but we had driven even further away from Tallinn. I was confused at first. He lead me into the woods and let's just say we were definitely not dressed for a hike.

After about 2 minutes I realized where we were. I was shocked at the sight in front of me. A beautiful beach picnic by a lake.

The water was calm and it was sunset. No other human anywhere around. The foods were light, such as berries and fruit along with some cheese and crackers. There was also some non-alcoholic cocktails (because I was an ex addict and Dominic had to drive) and macarons. It was all very pretty and romantic. I loved the colors although black will forever be my go-to.

We ate it all while chatting and watching the lake. If you've ever been at a lake during nighttime, especially a clear night, you know how beautiful and calming it is. Like free therapy.

At around 1 am we packed up and went back to the car. The drive back was filled with a lot of flirting and complimentary. We arrived home to an empty house. Eliza was out somewhere and all the guards were stood outside.

We went to my bedroom and made out for a while before taking it further. All I'm going to say about that is that the stuff that man can do with his fingers is straight out of a movie.

Being half-asleep I promise him a second date. For tonight I was happy. I was actually happy.

*15 hours later*

The very much familiar black dots fully cloud my vision, I can feel my heartbeat slow and his words become muffled as does the world around me.

It's just silence.

This right here is why the darkness became my best friend. Because it can't get any darker if it's pitch black.

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This book has around 3 chapters left...

What happened?

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