Caught In Haze

Chapter 19

Riley's POV:

She was wrapped in another girls arms.

I felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me.

Crushed.

After I scurried out of the room I ran all the way up the stairs and into my room. As soon as the door was closed I leaned against it and let out a long shaky breath.

Fuck!

The amount of anger and sadness I feel at the same time should paralyze me on the spot but it hasn't. Seeing her happy with some one else shifted something in me. It solidified the fact that...

I love her.

I love Charlie Walker.

My heart tells me to go downstairs and tell

Yet, my trauma says she'll only hurt me.

But I'm hurting right now! Worse than I've hurt in years. This is too much to handle on my own.

The person I want to talk to is downstairs with another girl...... and she's happy. Who am I to take away anymore happiness from her?

There's only one other person that knows about what happened in my past............

I threw the door open and marched down the hall to Rachel's room. Rachel found me outside the dorms the night IT happened. She took care of me for a week without any questions. She's always been a good friend, but nothing more like she wanted.

I knocked quickly and shifted awkwardly on my feet waiting for her to answer. She opened the door and folded her arms giving me a smug look.

"I thought you and I weren't talking."

"Rachel please." I said grabbing her arm gently with my hand.

She studied my face and realized how serious I was. She rolled her eyes and moved out of the way. "Okay come in."

I walked into her room and started pacing.

"You're freaking me out Riley." She walked over to her desk and sat down.

"I need to talk to you..... about Layla."

Suddenly She spun around and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Riley. If this is about what happened on the bus...... I'm sorry. I was out of line......"

"No... this is about Charlie and......."

"And how you love her?" Rachel interrupted. I stopped pacing and looked at her stunned.

"Oh come on Riley. It's obvious."

I shook my head. "Even if it is....... I can't figure out why my brain won't let me tell her."

"Because something traumatic happened to you and you haven't worked through it." Rachel shrugged.

"Rachel I'm fucking struggling. Every time I decide to tell her I love her...........I see Layla."

"Layla was a fucking bitch Riley....... come on!" She groaned and stood up. "I'm sure you loved her...... but do you honestly think she loved you?"

"What do you mean? She told me she did."

"Think about it Riley...... tell me 3 people you have genuinely loved." She stood up. She seemed kinda irritated now.

"Layla........ Noah........ and Charlie." I said slowly.

"Good. Now would you EVER even think about doing to them what that bitch did to you?"

"Never." I shook my head looking at my feet. I would die before I let something like that happen.