Caught In Haze

Chapter 18

Charlie's POV:

After I left Riley's car I went to my dorm room and cried for hours. How could anyone do something like that to my poor sweet Riley. Someone she trusted!

I can't even imagine going through something like that. I thought knowing the reason why she wouldn't love me would make me feel better....... Boy was I wrong.

I feel ten times worse now. The fact of the matter is I still do love her. The other fact of the matter is she can't love  me back.

I get why she can't now........ but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm just supposed to move on with my life knowing what she told me? Knowing I want her but can't have her?

More than anything I want to go to her room and act like this last week never happened. I want to hold her and make her feel safe. But I can't pretend that she doesn't trust me.

Eventually we'd end up at the same junction in the relationship. I want more. Is that selfish of me?

This whole situation is so confusing. She told me the story to let me know why she wouldn't give me her heart........... but why would she tell me that story if she didn't trust me?

Fuuuuuuuck.

I sat down in my chair and stared at the still unmade bed from the weekend before. Images of Riley smiling and giggling underneath me flashed through my eyes.

I felt my eyes begin to water again and my heart hurt so much I thought I was dying.

I can't keep doing this....... It hurts too much.

I laid on the floor next to my bed and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I was woken up by a loud knock on my door. I sprang to my feet and looked at the clock by my bed. It said it was noon.

Shit. It's way later than I thought it was.

I pulled the door open and found Karly and Casey at my door. They had smiles on their faces until they saw mine. I know I looked like garbage.

"Oh Charlie...." Casey said walking in and pulling me into her arms.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling again.

Karly walked in silently and closed the door. She wrapped her arms around the two of us and they held me while I cried.

When I finally was able to control myself a little Casey pulled back and wiped my tears.

"What happened?" She gave me a frown and led me to the couch. She sat down with me and held my hands. Karly pulled out my desk chair and placed it in front of us  backwards and straddled it.

I took a deep breathe. "She said she couldn't love me." A tear falling from my eye. "I told her I couldn't wait for her to figure her issues out." I said holding back a sob.

"I'm so sorry." Karly said she looked into Casey's eyes then back at me "this is all my fault Charlie. If I never told you to sleep with her at that party this would've never happened." She put her head down.

"Karly. There was so much sexual tension between us. I'm pretty sure it would've happened either way. This is not your fault." I shook my head at her.

Casey smiled and reached over to hold her hand.

"I'll be okay...... eventually." I sighed.

"We will help you with whatever you want to do Charlie." Casey said.

"I think........ I think I need to move on." I said my heart beating faster. "I'm not ready to date anyone else....... But I think I just need to move on with my life."